To be torn?

[OTTMummA]

Arghh!

A close friend had just passed their driving tests and keeps going on at me to take mine.

I've have always thought i would like to learn to drive, but got put off by seeing a close friend get hit by a car on a night out when i was a teenager.

Before my DS was born i went through a stage of wanting to learn as i thought it would be helpful with having a baby etc, but kept putting it off until i forgot again.

So I have been considering it, but find myself thinking negativley about it, i was in a taxi on my home tonight and saw so many people eating, smoking, using phones etc not paying attention that it freaked me out, the thought of driving on the road with people not paying full attention etc.
Plus, all the news headlines about crashes etc don't help.

Does anyone else feel conflicted?
It would make my life easier, can afford it, but get anxious about it aswell.

I only learnt to drive when I was 27, I'm 32 now. I feel much less anxious being in control of my own vehicle than as a passenger, if that makes sense. I am a nervous passenger, I hardly ever 'let' DP drive and am positively nauseous in a taxi.

How do you feel as a passenger? Might any anxiousness go if you were in control of your own car and not at the mercy of other drivers plus your taxi driver?

for some reason ABitBatty, i feel more comfortable and safe as a passanger, but always sit in the same seat ( OCD ).

I use the bus a lot, trains too, and like taxis, actually prefer them to friends giving lifts etc as i have some messed up way of thinking im less likely to have an accident in a taxi, don't ask me why!
Probably because i only hear about personal car accidents, ive never heard one about a taxi etc.

To be honest if you have decent public transport where you live is it really essential that you drive? Owning a car is VERY expensive - you are probably a lot healthier, wealthier and 'greener' by not driving .

I feel the same way. I'm 27 and petrified of learning to drive. We live in the London suburbs so have reasonable transport and 2 of us could handle DS easily. Now that we are having our second, we know that we will need a car to transport ourselves around the city to visit family, etc.

I see drivers behaving like total twats on the roads all the time and I'm horrified at the thought of being out there with them with the kids in the back.

Unfortunately, as our family grows I think I will be shotting myself in the foot if I don't at least have the choice of using a car or not

Oh! Taxi Drivers are involved in practically every vehicular altercation round these parts

Taxi's must be safer because you never, ever see a taxi driver wearing a seatbelt!

Count me in. I've often thought about learning to drive, but then I see how bad some drivers are and that puts me right off the whole thing. Maybe it's a confidence issue, I don't know.

YABU.... Your rationale for not learning to drive is the equivalent of saying 'I'm not learning to swim because I used to know someone that drowned and I've seen how people splash others carelessly in swimming pools'

Part of the learning to drive process is developing road-sense. Meaning that once you're competent in your own ability to get a car from A to B without too much effort, you focus more on what everyone else is doing. You learn to anticipate that the bus is going to pull out even though it's not indicating. You learn to assume that the old bloke in the Focus will not have seen the cyclist.

You'd be less anxious if you gave it a go.

I can't imagine not being able to drive. I was one of the lucky (old) ones, I didn't have to do the theory part. You must do what is right for yourself in the circumstances. Will you always live somewhere with reasonable public transport? If not, I'd probably start learning. IMO, it's much easier to do the younger you are and if you never drive once you've passed your test it doesn't matter.

I am a very anxious person and have managed to put it off so far from living in cities and then, when in the sticks, being too poor. I'm 31 and sending off for my provisional today as I have realised that, living in the aforementioned sticks and being a LP, I am being selfish and restricting DD's friendships and fun.

I am going to have lessons in a small car that I will buy and take my test in that car too if I can - I know that what made me anxious when I learned before was having to go in lots of different cars and ones with wide dashboards. I know, I am a nutjob. But if you can find something like that to be your crutch, it might seem easier?

Do you cycle? Learning to drive well, whether on a bicycle or in a car is about reacting to road conditions and driver conditions, and hopefully making yourself safer.

Have you considered that, selfishly, you are safer in a car than on the pavement? (I say "selfishly", mindful that Ragwort is right about the general selfishness of driving cars)

I didn't learn til I was 27 and I was terrified too... however, i think i am a much better driver as a result (though DH may disagree...)

DD was born a year later and it is SO much easier being able to drive. How will you cope with school run/ferrying kids round to classes/groups etc without a car? Now that I can drive I can't believe how dependent I used to be on DH.

I still avoid motorways like the plague though!

oh, and do you take DS in taxis?! If so, it's much safer for him to be in a car seat with you driving than in the back of a taxi!

I drive but nervously, having been hit by a car years ago.

I remind myself: it takes two to crash - one to fuck up and one to fail to avoid it. Crashes do happen, but most of the time one of the people will avoid it. And if you do crash modern cars are very safe.

Like most fears, I think it is one you just have to bore into submission. You'll never shift the fear until you just do it. And if you are nervous you ought to be a good cautious driver.

YANBU, I'm quite scared about it too TBH! At the moment it's a moot point anyway, as there's no way we could afford it. we get by without it, but I don't do as much with my DCs as my car-owning friends do which is a shame.

however I'm hoping to be a primary school teacher in a few years, so I'll need to learn sometime!

No, DS doesn't go in taxi's, MIL sometime has him, but he has a car seat in her car so is fine, but he is only in a car about 4 times a month.
Still don't like it though, but he wouldn't get to see her otherwise.

We live in a busy town so buses are here, trains to get to london every 20 min etc, so got lots of public transport.
Plus, we live about 30 mins from the town centre so everywhere near by is easily accessible.

But having a car would make trips, holidays easier IYSWIM, it would also open up my own oppurtunities in work once DS is at school.

I suppose i could take the test, it doesn't commit me to drving does it.

I'm 30 and have had a few instructers. The first dude had a Subaru Impretza which was too powerful, and the fella was a bit creepy. I never really got past the stage of driving round car parks and I was crap at that.

My second instucter ditched me after some tosser drove at me at god knows what speed on my side of the road, my instinct was to panic and drive into the parked cars, to get out of the lunatics way, thank god for the dual brakes. That totally knocked my confidence (and the instructers too) that I can't quite get the courage to try again.

My DP drives so its not too bad.

Just taking lessons would help you get past your anxiety. Passing the test would boost your confidence and give your life more scope, even if you don't swing straight into car ownership. Guarantee that in 12 months' time you'll be the one checking your lipstick in the rear-view mirror and wondering what the fuss is about :)

It's a good thing, anyway, to not be at ease on the roads. I don't enjoy driving, and think that's quite right, as I will never be entirely at ease, and when I am not at ease or can't see what's going on, I will drive more slowly and not take stupid risks. Better for me and better for all the drivers around me.

I was thinking about this recently, and started to elaborate a theory that some road rage is born of people who "love driving", and it stems from the frustration they feel that their "enjoyment" is being curtailed by moronic speed-limit-observing drivers (pah) who don't drive out into junctions when they can't quite see what's going on (whereas, of course, the impatient driver behind them can see round corners and there's nothing to worry about ). What do people think of this theory?

Road rage is a symptom of selfishness & intolerance, not enjoyment. The typical example is the person who drives along in a kind of self-centred bubble, swearing at the idiots that are getting in their way, critical of everyone else's driving technique. It must be a really stressful way to drive.

Of course it'[s selfishness, but I wondered whether it was also often allied to a craving for that mythical Open Road.

I don't think so. The worst road-rager I know drives around in a perpetual stew whether there's anyone on the road or not. If there aren't any other drivers to curse at they happily lambast the local highways authority for ridiculous placing of signs, speed cameras, bends, level crossings.... I think the thing he really enjoys is being a grumpy old bastard & knowing that he can't be got at in a Volvo-shaped tin-can with locks.