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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that when your school's demograph is mostly impoverished, guilt tripping mothers about 'Harvest Festival' will not help?

125 replies

colditz · 30/09/2010 17:40

Our school badgers parents for 'Harvest festival' donations, and donates these to an elderly person's sheltered housing scheme.

I have done care work in that very housing scheme, and yes, the residents are vulnerable, and often sickeningly lonely, but they aren't poor.

Probably half the mothers at my sons' school are poor. Should the children of our school really be told to "Go home and ask mummy to send something in for Harvest festival'"?

I know nobody NEEDS to but no child wants to be the one who was sent in empty handed.

OP posts:
SweetBeadieRussell · 01/10/2010 13:48

Round here harvest festival is closely bound up with the church. And there's that parable about the woman who had sweet f a giving away her last penny, and the kingdom of heaven and all that. However poor I am, or become, i'll try to give something to those who need it. However, it doesn't sound that the old folks in question actually need what's being given; loneliness can't be addressed via beans alone.

gramercy · 01/10/2010 13:51

My niece's school used to do individual baskets for local old people.

The practice ceased after an advance note was sent from the "Monday Afternoon Club" or whatever it was called stating that they didn't want any apples or vegetables, and no own-brand goods.

Cheeky so-and-sos.

Blu · 01/10/2010 14:26

Colditz - I am sitting Ds and his friend down this evening to decorate paper carrier bags (salvaged from previous shopping - not Baker Ross specials!!) with cut out pics of harvest and farming from around the world. Then we will put in some cans (I am lucky enough not to be pressed for a small bag of groceries) but I think one would suffice - and then if my DS was at your school, where the goods go to lonely pensioners, I would get them to write a happy letter or draw a picture, saying 'Happy Harvest festival' to out in.

ALSO I was looking on our local freecycle and there are actually things on there like 'a loaf of sliced bread, sealed, sell by 2nd oct' and various non-perishable food items! maybe your does too - I would definitely prioritise a Freecycle request that the recipient was going to put in a school harvest appeal!

loopyloops · 01/10/2010 14:36

Nickshick that is a lovely story.

I was very poor as a child and there really wasn't a spare 10p for a tin of value beans. I hated harvest festival, because (and you might not be aware as parents) a massive contest. If you didn't bring anything in, especially if you hadn't done the non-uniform day or gone on any trips, you were mincemeat.

I think it's a lovely tradition on a truly voluntary basis, but a horrible on if children are made to feel ashamed of their poverty.

Surely a bit of school time spent making something tasty would be better all round? Parents could contribute towards ingredients if they had some spare cash.

WingsTHEangel · 01/10/2010 14:57

My ds primary only accepts fresh fruit and veg no tins.

The fruit is then sold back to the children. The money this year goes to Pakistan to help flood victims they do need help but I would rather just give a contribution to that.

I think the fruit and veg should be given back to the community. Maybe I just thing of my primary school days and we took food parcels to the old people in the village I lived in.

Sullwah · 01/10/2010 15:07

Can someone please explain to be what the point of a harvest festival is.

I just don't get it.

MistsAndMellow · 01/10/2010 15:13

I used to love being picked to deliver tins to the ladies and gentlemen in the little "old people's flats" they were so lovely to us!

Little did I know that I'd end up in one myself with DD for four long years Grin

Schools should recognise the demographic. I moved my daughter out of the local "beacon" Catholic primary last year. Since she's been in her new school I'm astounded at not being asked to put my hand in my pocket twice a week.

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2010 16:13

"LittleRedDragon Thu 30-Sep-10 18:33:01
That is stupid. I bet the elderly people would much prefer if the children were taken to visit them once a month, or something like that. Surely the oldest children would be able to go and chat to some lonely folk for a half hour?
"

all the lonely folk would need to be CRB checked first!

TheSmallClanger · 01/10/2010 16:19

I can only say that I am glad DD is now at secondary school, and Harvest Festival is a thing of the past.

The rules seemed to change every year, as did the destination of the harvest goodies.

WingsTHEangel · 01/10/2010 16:28

MistsAndMellow I agrre with the Catholic school thing.

SanctiMoanyArse · 01/10/2010 16:57

Ours goes to a very affluent private nursing home

Which amkes me argh when there is a perfectly good food bank they could donate to

But it's probably better overall that the boys learn to give (in which case the food bank might get some anyway) then to be cynical so I don't mention it

And just send treat stuff that IME private nursing home woners do not never, ever bother with buying

SanctiMoanyArse · 01/10/2010 16:59

LMAO that all residents of elderly units want child visitors! I well remember the lady who woudl respond to such things with 'I spent my entire youth avoiding getting lumbered with a brat only to find they move them in as a bloody charitable act...' Wink

Our school does tend to take a few in, and when we ahd a choir until last year they went in as well.

swallowedAfly · 01/10/2010 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsTicklemouse · 01/10/2010 17:58

Ours go to a homeless peoples food bank which is fine , but I do think I would be a bit less keen if it were an old peoples home!

Kirk1 · 01/10/2010 18:14

Our school have asked for non-perishables only, or a donation to Water-Aid. It's kind of sad that no-one wants the fresh food any more. I'm sure it would be better for them than out-of-date pilchards or the random packet of pasta.

In answer to the OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable. When you know your family is hard-up you dread going in empty-handed to these things but know you'll get something that you have to hide at the back and hope no-one notices. Kids are very cruel, and most don't have sulk's thick skin. I know I didn't.

OTOH, if there's a large proportion of hard-up families, at least there's a certain amount of solidarity to be had!

alicatte · 01/10/2010 20:25

Reading this has really had an effect on me. My school asked for children to bring in contributions and there was a discussion as to where these should be collected either in the classrooms so we could have a 'competition' or just placed in boxes in the hall.

Reading all this I am so glad boxes in the hall won. Our rather clued up head also insisted that no names should be attached to any of the 'gifts'. Children or parents can contribute either at the beginning or the end of the school day for the week long collection period. The only request is that the gifts should be small (because older people often don't have big appetites).

I shall bear this in mind for the rest of my teaching career. I should be mortified to cause a child or parent such unnecessary distress.

MaMoTTaT · 01/10/2010 20:32

well our local Daylight centre is most definitely "community" - it's a lifeline for homeless (and lonely vulnerable people) in our town,

bluecardi · 01/10/2010 20:44

One teacher helped at a homeless shelter & asked for donations of coats, gloves, socks, anything warm. This was a good initiative.

whomovedmychocolate · 01/10/2010 21:17

Our school invited parents to send in a vegetable, made a huge vat of soup and them made the children eat it. What the hell that taught them about anything is anyone's guess (other than the five a day message). Hmm

But I don't think OP is BU because there are constant demands in schools these days for donations and while I know for most parents it isn't an issue, it's not fair in poorer families are made to feel bad because they can't contribute. Donations should always be anonymous and unrewarded IMHO.

Concordia · 01/10/2010 22:12

we have been asked for a monetary donation to go to the pakistan floods.
i was a bit Shock although i had been thinking of donating something in that direction anyway and hadn't got around to it so have held off to do so. but i think a monetary donation is even worse for this kind of thing (although at least we know the recipients really need it and in our household we are lucky enough to have something to give)

eventide · 02/10/2010 00:04

I think there should just be a box at reception for people to put stuff in if they want to.
My dad was unemployed when I was little and taking a Kwik Save No Frills tin of beans in for Harvest was one of the most embarassing things I can remember. That and having to wear the same coat as all the other poor kids cos we got them for free.....Those were the days Grin

pammyj74 · 02/10/2010 00:35

I think its a good idea to just have a huge cardboard box and kids can go up through the week and put something in if they want to. This then doesnt highlight who has and who hasnt contributed and you dont feel that you have to.
Its not rocket science is it?
Also if you feel you cant contribute then maybe help in another way by visiting a lonely elder. there are many charity organisations that could help you with that.
Giving to charity is not always about money.

amberleaf · 02/10/2010 01:43

"It would be a shame to stop a tradition that has been around for years for fear of upsetting one or two. Those that dont want to contribute just wont.

I dont see what FSM has to do with anything, many on benefits have more disposable income than those who work."

Upsetting one or two?? it may well be a lot more than one or two! and its not upsetting as such more embarrassing and shameful.

and its not so much that people dont want to maybe they cant.

Have you ever been on benefits?

disposable income on benefits....my arse Angry

It used to be a nice thing, we used to be able to nominate an old person to be given a hamper and then take them round to them after school.

I think that has a more personal touch but i have no objections to the current trend to donate to homeless shelters/charities etc.

The regular demands for 'contributions' that you seem to get in some schools is awful if you are really hard up, if you arent in a position to do it it can make you feel really shitty.

babybarrister · 02/10/2010 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onceamai · 02/10/2010 07:20

I never questioned all the collections - just factored it in as another expense that had to be budgeted for. However, I do think that donations have to go to worthy causes and that parents should be consulted about where some of the money goes - sick of seeing too much go to charities that the local vicar or the husband of the chair of governors support or work for. No child should ever be made to feel bad if their parents can't contribute though and schools need to work on ways to limit this.