to find it vaguely insulting when men describe women as being fit/hot/sexy etc "even though she has got a kid/s"

[superv1xen]

....or even women that say, omg, cant believe your a mum, you look so great.

just annoys me.

as though automatically being a mother usually precludes you from being sexy or desirable.

Depends who is saying it, I guess.

If it's someone you know to be a nice person, or someone you want to find you sexy, you interpret it as being a compliment that has not been worded ideally.

If it's someone you don't like, or someone you dno't want to find you sexy, then you take it less well.

Totally agree with inwiththeitcrowd re it being intended as a compliment - I actually love being called a yummy mummy or MILF (not that it happens too often!)

i know its MEANT as a compliment but the bit that annoys me is the implication its despite being a mum, why does being a mum preclude us from being sexy / attractive?

It's not an automatic preclusion but most people from anacdotal evidence based on their groups of friends will know that younger child-free people are more likely to look well then people who have had kids.
There's nothing ground-breaking in that. They have more free-time to look after themselves, their priorities are different and they've not been through child birth.

If anyone wants to call me hot and sexy I will welcome the compliment!

i always wonder what you dont look like a mum means

a compliment is a compliment is a compliment -

It's a compliment. I mean, your tits do head south, your stomach is like a road atlas, and your fanjo like the Grand Canyon. I mean, nobody goes through childbirth unscathed do they? It certainly makes it harder to feel sexy and desirable, as innumerable threads on MN show.

Not quite the same but I was pushing a pram and walked past a group of teenage boys who complimented me on being 'a fine-ass young baby mother'
I was a bit due on and turned round to him and said 'firstly, I'm nearly 30 and secondly, this isn't even my child (I'm a nanny)'
I think I was trying to be clever

without missing a beat, one of them looked me up and down and said 'old or not, you is still WELL fit!'

I scurried away not quite knowing what to think!!

Like others have said, a compliment is a compliment... despite me foolishly attempting to question one!!

hahaha wickedwitch i must admit that that is actually quite funny :o

LOL WW that's funny

'i know its MEANT as a compliment but the bit that annoys me is the implication its despite being a mum, why does being a mum preclude us from being sexy / attractive'

Well you grow a human inside you and then it came out your fanny. Then you had to look after it and be tired and stay up late all the time. If you can look fit after that you did well

haha sunny fair enough :o love your description btw!

YABU - I'd love it it someone said that to me. It means I still look great after having children!

Good grief - take it as compliment while you still can!

I told DW a few months back that she looked lovely and more especially considering she had two children.

She told me last week that I still had the body of 25 yr old now I had lost weight - which gave me a bit of lift anyway even if I think it is not quite true.

but what does it mean? Do children magically suck the beauty out of you? Like little tentacled creatures that turn you into a...errr...mother?

No man is defined as being a father, as in "oh you look good for a father", and when it comes to the Johnny Depps (yay), Brad Pitts (yuck), Cloonies (semiyuck)they are well in their 40s and 50s and nobody ever makes excuses for that!

What I think it really means is that a lot of men (young and old) find women who have had children very attractive indeed. A woman who has had children is often much more self assured than younger childless women and that is attractive in itself. A woman who is self assured and yet still takes care over her appearance in particular.

Blokes do get comments like 'you look good for a man of 45' which is sort of the equivalent.

yy Nellykats - exactly, MEN dont get the same do they, oh you look great even though you're a dad.

Men aren't physically ravaged by pregnancy, birth and lactation. Bearing children is done by women. There is no physical toll on men bar one ejaculation. What is there to admire. It's irrelevant whether an attractive man is a Father.

good point Alouiseg, but I think that your body does recover - the real killer for looks is the lack of sleep, which takes its toll. My DH (who shares sleep duties with me) has definitely got some extra wrinkles from the sleepless nights, and it's only been two years. I can see it, he can see it, but nobody ever said "he's still fit even after having a son". Well, apart from me :)