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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

banning all toys for a week pending better behaviour

27 replies

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 15:45

My girls are 7 and 9. Basically despite warnings they continue to play after lights out, argue constantly, 9 year old is hitting, homework isn't being done after they've sworn it has been etc etc. I'm at my wits end especially after last night my 9 year old punched my 7 year old in the mouth giving her a cut lip!
They respond to the pc/ds being taken away for x amount of days with 'oh well, I don't play on it anyway'.
So I said last night after the lip incident that I'm going to ban all toys for a week, then if they've shown me they can behave more reasonably I'll reveiw the situation (I'll put them all in their walk in wardrobe and lock it).
I will follow this through as I don't make empty threats but am feeling guilty.

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SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 30/09/2010 15:48

Agree you have to be firm, but a week seems an awfully long time. Will they be able to watch TV? I'd rather they were playing with toys, tbh. A couple of days would be more realistic.

Why don't you give them one toy and make them share it? Grin

NewTeacher · 30/09/2010 15:53

i know how you feel.

i would go ahead with it, and then they'll know mum means business.

I got fed up with my DS and constant bashing his sister and forever playing on his nintendo DS so I threw it and it broke Blush

He now has to earn the money and good behaviour points to get another one!

cestlavielife · 30/09/2010 15:54

what are you rewarding them with for good behaviour?

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 15:54

I guess my thinking is that a week is enough for them to get really bored and think 'hmmm better behave more reasonably'.
They can play outside in the playhouse/trampoline and they can read their books until the cows come home. With any luck they might actually do their homework! I'm thinking impact re the week

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BooBooGlass · 30/09/2010 15:55

yabu
What exactly do you expect them to do for the week without any toys? If anything, it would make the week unbearable fro everyone

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 15:56

Good behaviour they get pocket money, days out etc and plenty of 'you did that really well', 'I'm really pleased you acted this/that way'. So they know exactly what gets them brownie points and are rewarded for good behaviour

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duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 15:59

Without toys they'll get bored and it may be hell for everyone but I'm hoping it will make them realise that they need to behave more reasonably. Then hopfully next time they want to punch the other in the mouth they'll think back to this hellish week and think twice

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Clumsymum · 30/09/2010 16:04

DON'T feel guilty. BUT prepare for a very hard week, as your girls will make it clear that they can't entertain themselves at all.

Actually, I think a week is probably too long, we find that long term bans (here we ban screen time - no TV/Wii/PC at all) don't work well.

We have had a couple of weeks vile behaviour from DS (an only child, 11), defiance, outright cheek, non-cooperation etc. etc.

One night last week, after the bedtime from hell, DS wouldn't turn lights out when asked, and did the "you can't make me" thing.

DH went up, got DS out of bed, made him stand up straight against the wall, and read the riot act.

He said that from now on all privileges would be earned, and privileges include almost everything except breathing!

If he wants breakfast in the morning, he gets up, showered and dressed without all the backchat. When he comes in from school, he must put his coat away (not just chuck it down the hall), do his jobs (homework, guitar practice, empty dishwasher ) before asking if he can watch TV/play out/play on computer. Otherwise the answer is automatically "no".

He will treat us with respect, and do as he is asked, or no meals/comics/treats.

other things were also pointed out (can't go thru it all).

This was all said firmly, calmly, but loudly, and with determination.
He was then told to get in to bed, and his light was turned out.
He was crying (which made us feel VERY guilty indeed).

BUT since then, he has been much better, and we are having much more fun as a family, and he is getting his TV & puter time. This morning we were dancing and laughing together before school !!!!!

I don't know if it will last (typing here with fingers crossed), but it's worked so far.

BuntyPenfold · 30/09/2010 16:05

I think your 9-year-old should have a tougher sanction than your 7-year-old.

Rowgtfc72 · 30/09/2010 16:09

Tried this and it backfired! Put DDs toys in a bin bag and told her bin men would take them away-she said "oh well".Three days later when I had to ask her again to put things away she just sighed and said "better get another bin bag then "

usualsuspect · 30/09/2010 16:10

They will be bored and much worse yabu

proudnglad · 30/09/2010 16:10

Wow you're harcore...

My dc were fighting and messing around for hours last night so this morning I made a Legoland countdown star chart (!!!). If they don't behave every night til Saturday week they ain't going!

MrsLucasNorth · 30/09/2010 16:14

How long a job is it to put toys in wardrobe? Perhaps you could just do this before bed anyway so they don't have the option.
If DD plays up at bedtime I tell her she will have to go to bed 15 minutes earlier every night until it stops. Locking Disney channel also works a treat in our house.

proudnglad · 30/09/2010 16:20

Hardcore, not harcore. Bloody keyboard.

FanjolinaJolie · 30/09/2010 16:22

Well, now you've said it you have to do it really.

If you want them to take you seriously.

But perhaps at the same time start a reward chart for good behaviour, with a non-toy related treat at the end eg swimming/park/soft play etc.

I'm all for warnings and consequences. We have a rule in our house if I have to ask them to do something three times they lose a privilege that day eg no TV. Better not to let it drag on to the next day IMO or everyone will just be miserable.

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 16:37

Fan - we have reward charts going on and have the three warnings too - third time = consequence. It's just the consequences seem to be having little effect.
So time for a punishment will will remind them who's boss.
I,ve just spent the last 1/2 hour putting the toys from both rooms in the walk in wardrobe but may (if they behave) review it on monday and say smething along the lines of 'considering you've been good i'm prepared to meet you half way on the previso that you think about your actions more carefully in the future'.

Clumsy - stern talking does work to an extent here too.

Sorry I haven't replied to everyone - typing with one hand whilst feeding baby. Kids will be back from walking the dog after school with hubby soon - eeeeeeeek! We'll see...........

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duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 16:42

Bunty - I would have punished the 9 year old more but after taking her to one side and asking what all that was about she told me that the 7 yr old had been kicking her at school and showed me 3 little bruises on her legs - these kids need a wake up call, reality check about what being humane means. It's six of one half a dozen of the other

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Ragwort · 30/09/2010 16:42

Sounds reasonable to me - as you say, they have got outside toys and books.

(Perhaps they have too many toys - just a thought - if it is taking you half an hour to clear them all away ?).

I banned screen time for my DS last week, only for one day - if he misbehaves again it will be two days etc ......... Sadly he no longer plays with any toys (age 9) so can't ban them - at least there's no clearing up Grin.

BuntyPenfold · 30/09/2010 16:45

Anyway, don't feel guilty, it is worth a try.
It is so wearing when siblings keep on at each other so I do sympathise.

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 16:47

Thanks Bunty, if at first you don't succeed try try again...........hmm not sure they'll ever be the angels I aspire them to be tho Grin

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prozacfairy · 30/09/2010 16:47

I wouldn't do this. For a start, with no toys they'll be bored, and then they'll fight coz it's always the other one's fault (can you tell I have a sister?)

Why not for each incident of bad behaviour take one toy/privelage off each of them. So when your oldest one thumps her sister she doesn't get to watch her fave t.v show, and when the 7 year old doesnt do her homework or stays up past bedtime she gets one thing taken off of her? For example. I plan on doing this with my DD (3) when time out stops working. I really hope this does work!

snigger · 30/09/2010 16:49

If you've already removed the toys, how about an earn-it-back amnesty arrangement?

Positive reinforcement and all that - random acts of kindness and civility are rewarded with a special trip to the cupboard, shedloads of attention and a choice of toy, negative behaviour is the opposite, you stand over them without commenting and tell them to pick a toy to put back?

Maybe that way you'll not be stuck in toyless hell or cave in! (Like wot I did in similar circumstances)

prozacfairy · 30/09/2010 16:50

Oh and meant to say, when they do something good they earn it back.

duejuly2010 · 30/09/2010 16:53

Prozac, have had years of removing single priviliges and I think they've come to the conclusion that they can just play with/do something else so are past caring.

Great idea about the rewarding with a toy snigger will def do that

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Clumsymum · 30/09/2010 17:26

"I banned screen time for my DS last week, only for one day - if he misbehaves again it will be two days etc ......... Sadly he no longer plays with any toys (age 9) so can't ban them"

What do you mean, he no longer plays with toys ??

How does he spend his 'down time' ??

I think it's very sad if he has stopped playing ....