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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DS's teachers is either thick or heartless?

145 replies

carocaro · 30/09/2010 14:25

DS1 is 8 and dyslexic.

So his teacher makes him and the class shout out their scores they get in mental maths and spellings each day. AS DS has a auditory processing issue and find spelling very hard, so his scores are 1 or 2 out of ten at best when done this way.

I did not know this and I get a call last night from a Mum of a girl at school who said she was upset that my DS gets teased about it all the time by some of his classmates. I asked DS about it and he was so upset and said he felt more thicker since he went back to school

I am fighting the desire to go to school and belt said teacher around this head and ask her WHAT THE FUCK SHE IS DOING.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY at her stupidity and lack of thought. She know what he finds hard and to humiliate him in this way beggars belief.

I am LIVID.

OP posts:
Aitch · 30/09/2010 14:52

why give her the opportunity to slime her way out of it? ask other mums to check with their kids, by all means.

ShadeofViolet · 30/09/2010 14:52

What a cowbag

I would go straight to the head - your DS is 8 and its unlikely he has it wrong - if he was 5 it might be better to check first.

Poor DS :(

WriterofDreams · 30/09/2010 14:56

I am a primary teacher and it is absolutely forbidden in my class for children to call out or comment on each other's scores in tests. There is nothing that dents a child's confidence more than being teased about academic work and children have no reservations whatsoever about criticising each other. I praise children privately (they prefer this anyway) and try to ensure the less able children don't worry too much about their scores.

In my experience confidence plays a huge part in learning, but it seems that a lot of teachers don't realise this and don't think about the effect that making scores public can have on children. I would definitely say something to the teacher as she might not even have thought about what she is doing. Perhaps you could give you DS a note to give to her? A note is non-confrontational and gives the teacher time to adjust things. Don't make it seem angry or critical (we teachers are super sensitive), just mention how calling out the scores affects your DS and other children and ask if it is possible to stop doing it.

taintedpaint · 30/09/2010 14:57

Oh big hug for your DS carocaro :(. What a bloody shitty thing for that teacher to do. I would bypass her and go straight to the head tbh.

I'm Angry on your DS's behalf.

Spinkle · 30/09/2010 14:58

If the teacher knows he is dyslexic then she needs a slap.

Is there an official dx she/he is aware of?

Needs dyslexia training and good old gawp at the Dyslexia IDP which the school should've downloaded and have available.

Speak to the teacher ASAP.

YunoYurbubson · 30/09/2010 15:00

Oh god, this used to happen to me every week.

There was a spelling test every monday. I used to spend my whole weekend trying to learn the spellings, but unfortunately dyslexia hadn't been invented yet and it was entirely beyond the wit of my fucking arsehole of a teacher to wonder if there was a problem rather than me just not bothering to learn them.

He would encourage everyone to use a funny fake name on a different theme each week, and would read out the scores and the funny names from top to bottom at the end of the test.

He would read the WHOLE list through, all the funny names, and then get to me at the bottom, leave a pause for the laughter to die down and say with a sigh "And Yuno got 2" using my real name when he had used the fake funny names for everyone else. He'd roll his eyes and put them all in the bin, like I'd spoiled the joke for everyone EVERY WEEK.

Fucking, fucking arsehole.

I am now in my 30s and I still wish horrible horrible things upon his head, humiliating a fucking 9 year old week after week like that.

God, I am flushing even thinking about it.

Quenelle · 30/09/2010 15:02

I'd go straight to the head. WriterofDreams a teacher who needs explaining the effect of such actions needs some serious re-training, not a non-confrontational note to save their feelings.

WriterofDreams · 30/09/2010 15:03

God Yuno that is really awful. I can't understand teachers like this, I really can't. It breaks my heart when I see a child looking unsure or disappointed, so much so that I find it hard to say anything to even the really disruptive ones. I think teachers like that genuinely have no empathy whatsoever and are totally unaware of the damage they do.

Hedgeblunder · 30/09/2010 15:04

Stupid cow- I'd ask for a meeting with both the head AND the teacher at the same time and really let rip. Fucking arsehole.
I'm so angry for your ds- I had a teacher who would humiliate me for not being as clever as my sister who she also taught and I can still remember her comments word for bloody word.
It's so lovely of the little girl to think of your ds that way- I think it would be nice to send a box of chocs to her and her mum?

JaceyBee · 30/09/2010 15:05

Yuno Sad

WriterofDreams · 30/09/2010 15:08

I agree that it's a serious misjudgement on her part Quenelle, the main reason I suggested a note rather than going straight to the head is that being confrontational can make things worse for a child in the long run. Also, it's good to remember that the teacher is only human and can make genuine mistakes.

I've observed quite a few teachers over the years, most of whom have been good at their jobs. Even those teachers can sometimes do something that makes you absolutely cringe and when you point it out to them they are genuinely shocked at the bad choice they made. Teaching is a tough job where you have to think on your feet and there is a lot of pressure to improve scores and levels and whatnot. This teacher might be asking them to call out scores as a way of motivating them without realising the negative effect it has (yes I know this seems short sighted but we all do stupid things sometimes). That's why I think a note is a good first step - it doesn't ruin the relationship between mother and teacher, and it gives the teacher a chance to rectify things.

Obviously if the practice continued then going to see her or the head face to face would be the next step.

JaneS · 30/09/2010 15:08

Oh, Yuno, that's horrible.

We had to do that horrible 'game' where you sit in a circle and count, only for 3 and multiples of 3 you shout 'fizz' and for 5 and multiples you shout 'buzz'. Cue groany noises when I fucked it up again. It was always meant to be a treat and I absolutely hated it.

Depressingly, I went on some training recently for people teaching at university level, and someone mentioned this game and how good it was to get people shouting out and 'having fun'.

Bloody idiot.

FindingMyMojo · 30/09/2010 15:09

when you send that email to the teacher, be sure to CC the head.

I feel for your poor son - very unnecessary trauma & insensitive. Plus he must hate her.

WriterofDreams · 30/09/2010 15:15

Ah yes Little Dragon, the dreaded "fizz buzz." A lot of those games are actually advocated in teacher training without consideration for the discomfort they can cause some children. An excellent teacher I know plays a times tables game that involves the winner at each table nominating a person to be knocked out of the game. So essentially the game combines academic pressure with a popularity contest. She hasn't cottoned on to this and I am too much of a coward to say anything to her.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 30/09/2010 15:16

YANBU. This sort of thing happened to my DH at school but this was 30odd years ago. You'd kind of hope things had progressed a bit since then.

I'd write/formally complain to teacher and copy in the Head. And demand a meeting.

ornamentalcabbage · 30/09/2010 15:20

I would be livid too. I'm usually all for giving the teacher a chance to explain herself but in this case I think you'd be justified in going straight to the head.

pencilpotmonitor · 30/09/2010 15:21

YANBU Sad Poor DS.
I would speak to the teacher about this. I had to with regards to my dyslexic daughter. They kept asking her to read aloud in class. She tried her best, while some of her peers sniggered into their books, but her confidence was smashed. Some teachers just don't understand - unfortunately. I'm sure she'll be more understanding if you explain how this is affecting your DS.

Good luck.

hettie · 30/09/2010 15:27

oh dear god- that sounds awful defo yanbu....
reminds me of a hidous maths teacher who used to make us stand on our desks then chairs then floor then kneel every time we got a multiplication (which he called out) wrong.... I was always on the floor in about 5 goes whilst the rest of the class where looking down on me (I have dyslexia- particular issues with the phonological loop- so this was a nightmare for me) BUT this was in the 1980's for gods sake, and I am sooo shocked that this out loud stuff is still happening

mamadiva · 30/09/2010 15:39

Kind of unrelated but nto at the same time here sorry.

I would get this sorted ASAP what this teacher is dong IS bullyig at worst and at best ecouraging others to do the bullying for her!

My DP still has major issues about the way he was treated at school by his teacher and classmates because he had severe IBS and a bowel twice the size of normal so as you can imagine at times of a flare up there would be a bit of smell, whenever DP used to have to dash to the toilet (aged 8) his teacher would spray him with air freshener when he came back infront of a class of 30 kids Shock:( He still got bullied about this when I met him in high school at the age of 15 so please get it sorted because it could end up a long term problem for your DS.

Why oh fecking why do schools insist on employing such arseholes!!!! Angry

Fennel · 30/09/2010 15:52

Go in and talk to them nicely She's probably trying to make it a fun game or something, not the teasing bit but the competition bit.

I'm just about to go to see my dd's teacher about her problems with spelling tests, she is good in literacy but an appalling speller, and the spelling test bring out all her fears. I'm going to demand she is allowed to learn them in a way that's helpful to her. It's the 3rd time I've been to talk about dd and spelling.. she's also bad on the times tables tests.

But in our school they do respond quite well to going in and saying these things nicely. lots of the teachers aren't really keen on spelling tests either, sometimes they do it cos the parents keep asking for it.

Quenelle · 30/09/2010 15:58

I disagree Writer. That kind of behaviour in a classroom is thoughtless and even spiteful.

I'm not a teacher, but the teacher in question was once a child themself. They can't have forgotten what it was like to be humiliated in front of the class, any more than all the MNers who have posted their own experiences in this thread.

IMO it's entry-level knowledge if you're going to be a teacher. Not something you learn through experience. There's no benefit of the doubt due in this case.

herbietea · 30/09/2010 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/09/2010 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 30/09/2010 16:23

Absolutely not on.

I would have a word with the Senco and Head to make sure that the teacher is a) aware of your DS needs and b) has accessed training needed for her to be able to manage this in the classroom as she sounds woefully ignorant.

JaneS · 30/09/2010 17:07

Eek. Writer, that sounds really unpleasant - are you sure you can't say something (I know it must be really hard)?

Something that's a problem imo is that teachers are usually people who did well at school enjoyed at least some of it - so they're sometimes the people least equipped to recognize when a particular method is really upsetting or difficult for some pupils to come with.