I am at a loss about how to handle ds1 (aged 8) :-(

[DrZeus]

I am at a complete loss. DS who is 8, has become a complete nightmare. Attitude stinks, answers back, lies, says that I am ruining his day/life etc etc. On the odd occasion he can be lovely and very loving but it has worn me down completely. DS2 (6) is turning the same way, and I'm dreading it. I can't handle that time between after school and bed. Sometimes they have clubs/activities. Other times, I'm battling with getting them to do homelearning or running round after them trying to tidy up. DS1 either refuses, lies and says he's done his homework and handed it in or does it very reluctantly. We seem to be at loggerheads all the time. I'm exhausted with both of them. I work 9-3 every day and seem to be losing the plot big time.

Oh God, he's just given me a wonderful hug and said that he is going to behave. I feel awful. Why is it so hard being a mum.

............watches with interest (mother to 9 year old DS) ..............

Are they doing enough sport?

What do his teachers say about him? Is he difficult at school or an angel there? Any issues that might be upsetting him? Is his Dad involved in his life?

Poor you x

I guess not. They don't really like football.

They do Cubs and Beavers which take up an evening each. With all their reading, x tables, home learning, there doesn't seem time to do much else after school. Even getting them to bed at a reasonable time is a battle at the moment.

I find "timetabling" activities after school at that age helped. My DS had a certain amount of relaxation and snack time, followed by getting ready for the next time (kit, homework). Then a bit of TV and then bath.

If you are rigid with this type of routine it leaves less uncertainty for them. If homework, chores were not done within the right time then there was no tv.

that should read, getting ready for the next day.

Hi Littledawley

He is bright at school, but can be a bit lazy and is middle of the class. I spoke to his teacher about his reluctance to do home learning and he spoke to ds1. I don't push him too much but I know that with a little more effort he could achieve so much. I'm not a pushy parent, honest!

I don't know of anything that is causing him upset. He does get overtired and I wonder if moving into year 4 is a bit of a shock, having had 6 weeks off. He does tend to get emotional easily and has a tendency for tears. This can make his peers tease him.

DH is working a lot. Tends to get home when it's all kicking off and we're all tired. Not the best time really. I do worry about the negativity I'm projecting and the effect that is having.

I like the idea of timetabling after school. One of their friends has a habit of turning up as soon as we get home. Or sometimes is waiting for us when we get to the front door. Then they just want to go out and play. I get stressed because homework etc is left and we end up falling out. I have started getting firm but its not really been successful.

I sympathise - my DS does endless sport - activities four nights after school (two some nights ), also at weekends; he is very much a Daddy's boy - loves being with his Dad who is very 'hands on', good role model - mostly works from home so is around a lot for him. But he is just so rude and cheeky to me (not so much to his Dad) - I know this is an old fashioned thing to say but I just would never have dared speak to my mother the way he speaks to me. Punishments (ie: no TV/Computer time) are followed through but seem to have no long term effect. No problems at school.

I shall try and be stricter with the timetabling.

It is hard to change patterns, so when you start to get firm it will feel like you're not making progress at first. If you stick with it though and get into a routine, your boys will get used to things happening on a particular night at a particular time and it should settle down.

DS is in Yr 3 and the new routine of homework every night has been hard for him to adjust to, but he is getting used to it. He knows that he comes in and has a drink and a snack, then homework before TV which he watches while I cook his tea. Then after tea, time for playing, bath, stories, bed. Because the pattern very seldom varies, he knows that there's no 'wriggle room' iyswim, so he is more settled.

I would answer the door to the friend myself, if I were you, and just say that DS can't come out because he's doing his homework. Then arrange some play time for them at the weekend.

Go with the timetable idea but get plenty of input from your 8 year-old on how it looks. If they've had a hand in setting the agenda they're more likely to go along with it than if it is imposed on high (which most of life is when you're 8). Awkward behaviour often masks lack of confidence so back the whole thing up with lots of appropriate praise and encouragement. Works for me anyway... good luck!