to think ex-husband is an arse for suggested our kids "live" with him during the week & me at weekends just because I am having twins soon?

[mrsstathamiwish]

Had an email from the ex-husband and along with usual stuff such as discussing kids homework, diet and particular dates for weekends etc, he signs off with a suggestion that seeing as I am going to have my hands full how would i feel about our two children being with him during the week and and me at weekends? The opposite to what we do now, although at present he doesn't do bad as he has them 2/3 weekends a month and one night overnight every week, which I am well aware is more than most dads get?

So AIBU to be upset at his suggestion? I have emailed straight back saying no way, as i think this be would even more disrupting for our kids than me having two new babies in the house and although yes i will be busy, my priorities are not changing at all?

Just interested to see other peoples thoughts really. My ds is 11 and dd 8 and twins are due in Feb by the way...

Is there a maintenance issue that would be helpful to him if he took primary residence by any chance?
He may, as others have said, just thought you would struggle but equally there may be an ulterior motive.
Personally, I'd have thought two extra pairs of hands sometimes would be quite useful for you

I agree with those so have said that it would probably not be a good idea to have such a big change in the DCs lives at the same time as the new arrival. Would send out the wrong message and make them feel excluded

However I do find it sad that day in day out on here we have cases of resident parents complaining about the lack of interest shown by nrp's in their children, yet here is a father wanting to spend more time with his DCs and you call him an arse

"although at present he doesn't do bad as he has them 2/3 weekends a month and one night overnight every week, which I am well aware is more than most dads get?"

how generous of you

Kind of agree with mayorquimby a bit - they're his kids too! And he may well just have been trying to be helpful. As others have said, don't dismiss offer out of hand completely, come February it might be a huge help. Good luck with the new babies.

Yes that comment did come across a bit like "well he should be pleased with what he gets rather than expecting to see his kids more often, what a cheek!)

If he recently had a new baby himself, he may be well aware that's it's tough juggling the needs of a newborn and the older children. As you'll be dealing with two newborns, maybe he did just think he was being helpful in offering to swap things round?

I think there is social pressure on woman that 50/50 isn't the norm. That she should have the children more.

So he politely offered to swap the days to make things easier for you after your impending birth? What a bastard.

And as you're already doing 50:50, you wouldn't actually end up with any less time with your DCs? What an abusive, controlling, cock-sucking wanker he is.

Well, obviously, he must have an ulterior motive because what man ever wants to see his kids or to be flexible about contact? After all, they only keep contact going to continue to bully and control their exes don't they?

FFS. Sometimes I despair.

pithyslicker - you're right. I have been made to feel quite crap in the past because of our arrangements and it not being the so called standard of "every other weekend."

Yes I am a total bitch for questioning exh motives and should have perhaps worded things differently. First post, just wanted to see things from both sides, job done.

mrss, it definitely sounds like the default position should be to leave well alone. but at least you've got the option to try other things incl. minor tweaks if it ends up looking like it'd be helpful. i'd definitely ask the kids for their views before doing anything like that though, given that they're ok with things as they are.

good luck with the impending...