For expecting my DD to enjoy school?

[Parsgirl]

She is in Year 8 and hates it. Last year she was bullied, he was removed from school(for other behaviour too) and I had hoped she would start to like it. She has a lovely group of friends, her sister has just gone into Year 7 and is in the top set for everything so she is not struggling academically or socially. She only likes two teachers and thinks the rest are unfair, boring or just crap at their job. I don't want her experience to be like mine at school. How do I help her?

If she has had glandular fever, that in itself will explain that she feels life is a bit crap. Postviral fatigue makes it very hard to be enthusiastic about things. Poor lass.

Particularly given that she is getting over glandular fever, you could withdraw her and do things she is interested in. If you would like more info, come over to the home ed board.

Thanks sdeuchars we live abroad so homeschooling, where we are, is not an option for my family. But I have received some excellent advice here and will be able to talk to her about it rather than just say 'suck it up' and feel angry. Thanks you all

Oh my word! Why are we all putting up with this as a society!? At least half of the people on this board are saying, essentially, 'school is shit for many reasons but you just have to put up with it'! Why!?

Why is it ok to make our children spend years and years of their lives in such an environment!?

It's not as if you can't learn outside of school, or have friends outside of school.

Let's face it, unless you love school, or your parents are not able or willing to spend that time with you themselves and engage with you, etc, then school is just a monumental waste of time...at best. At worst it's downright damaging.

I agree with Riven - if children genuinely feel that the downsides are worth the upsides and know that they have a choice, that's a whole different situation. But how many children put up with the shit because they think there's no choice. And how many parents, for that matter!

Home education is a real option - it's not impossible, your kids won't have no friends, you won't have to fight them to do workbooks - they'll learn without them. But how many people really know that?

This country (and many others) are really crap in that respect. At least if you hate your work you can change it.

But NotAnother, do we know that the environment is that bad? The OP does say that her dd often comes back from school enthused, also that she has a lovely group of friends there. But that at other times she thinks the adults around are all crap. My ds is a little bit younger but he has not been well lately and is going through a phase where all adults he meets manage to annoy him in some way. I sincerely hope he will grow out of it, because one day he will have to earn a living and that means putting up with people who may well be boring, or not very good at their job, and to try to see the positives. (And fwiw HE would not be an option for ds as he thinks I am more crap than all other adults put together).

What I would do would be to try to pin things down a bit more. And do, do, do try to keep your own experience out of it, OP. Your dd may well have very genuined problems at this school, but you need to find out what they are rather than see them in the light of your own unhappy experience. Try to talk to her, find out what she dislikes, is there anything the school could do to help, what situation does she mean they are unfair in. Does it mean there is a particular teacher who picks on pupils, or does it mean she gets told a fair bit? Talk to her as much as you can. Also explain that it is very common to feel a bit crap after glandular fever. But find out if she is unhappy enough to need to move.

Riven - that's why I said 'not able or willing'. I'm well aware it's our society that is at fault, not necessarily parents.

Cory - I don't know about the OP, I was more talking about all the tales of woe from adults who hated school.

I see what you mean, NotAnother, and that makes sense. But in the present case I think it is quite important to get to the bottom of what is troubling the OPs dd, as the OP may have a tendency to see things in the light of her own experiences of school, and whatever problems the dd has they are likely to be unique to her. I have had to really remind myself of this as I was bullied at school and half expected dcs to repeat the same experience. Their experience was totally different, but they had other difficulties that I could not have foreseen and that badly needed dealing with, so I felt every time I managed not to lay my own expectations on them was at least something.

Yes, you're right, Cory, and goes along with that thread about not creating self-fulfilling prophecies for our children in all manner of situations - not just school.

I could not HE my dd if I wanted to. She is 5 and is going through a phase where she is refusing to do ANY type of learning at home with me, she will not even read to me at the moment.

Her teacher is lovely and we have talked about things and dd is great at school and is always happy to do the work there with no problems and I know she enjoys being there (despite the "I have a tummy ache" days she has).

Also, sadly education is judged by how well you do in exams etc, which is yet another reason why schooling is needed. However, I do think education should be alot less rigid than it generally is, although I am lucky that my DD goes to a very laid back school that is centred more around the pupil's individual ability than SATs scores.

I feel your pain, Rocklover! My 10yo is at a stage where he will give up an activity he enjoys if I show an interest in it. Learning with me- no hope! He even tries to interrupt the coaching I am giving his older sister, though she keeps telling him it is none of his business.

But that's just it, Rocklover! Another misunderstanding about HE! You don't have to make your children sit down and do learning when you HE because you're not a school, so children don't have to learn like they do in school!

My children also refuse to sit down to 'do work' with me, but it hasn't stopped them learning as easily as, if not more easily than they would be in school.

I'm not getting at you, at all, just at the fact that HE is so misunderstood that it is seen by most people to be a total non-option (although I see for hte OP that it is legally not an option where she is, which is a different matter).

All three of my children love(d) school(one is now at uni). My sister's two hate it.

She loved school, I hated it

Rocklover, just read to her... most children love being read to.