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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think about taking my son to a school which none of his friends are going to?

13 replies

Nando95 · 29/09/2010 11:00

Hi my son turned 3 last week, he is a sociable child who has a wide circle of friends both at nursery and at home. I have recently started thinking about what school to send him too even though I have 2 years to decide as he is a September baby and will be almost 5 when he starts. There is a lovely new school a 5 minute walk from us which seems to offer good facilities and has had a good inspection report and another school about a mile and a half away which has also has a good inspection report and similiar facilities. However all his 8/9 friends are going to the school that is over a mile and a half away even though some of them live much nearer to the first school what I think is putting them off is that the school I am considering for my son is Catholic ( my son has been christened Catholic) and I can understand that this can make people wary. I am really confused as to which school to send my son to as I am worried if I send him to the nearest school then he will be without his friends and will miss out (the mothers of these children are also my close friends) but it will be a 5 mile round trip every day (there and back) and as I am expecting another child it will be hard work to get him there every day. I drive and maybe this should help me make the decision but I know constant short journeys wont do my car/petrol consumption any good. Should I put my sons friendships first or the convienience of having a nice school just minutes away. I know I have 2 years to decide and his friendship may change in that time but I will have to put his name down sooner rather that later and I cant decide.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 29/09/2010 11:35

My dd1 started reception last year, I sent her to a school that none of her nursery friends went to. We had moved a short distance and it was handier, I had a younger daughter and logistically the other school that all her friends went to was a nightmare. She was absolutely fine, got on brillantly, made friends no problem. Besides as you said friendships change, I would go with the school that you think will be best for him. Good luck I thought pregnancy was stressful until I had to start thinking about schools Wink

RunforFun · 29/09/2010 11:38

I dont think it matters a jot. Go to the school you are comfortable with.

FWIW, my son went to the local nursery, made good friends etc, then we moved house to a different area in time for starting reception.

He was ( and still is) absolutely fine.

Plumm · 29/09/2010 11:39

He's young, he'll make new friends when he gets there. Are there any pre-school clubs he could attend to get to know the school better?

CMOTdibbler · 29/09/2010 11:40

DS has just started school, and only knew one child - he has settled in and made new friends no problem

thirtysomething · 29/09/2010 11:53

IME nursery friends don't necessarily last once they go to school....both my DC started off in a reception class with 3-4 friends from nursery and within a year had made completely different friends and had very little to do with the ex-nursery lot. They tended to stick with them for the first few weeks and then branched out completely. Boys, especially, seem to be attracted to other boys with similar interests - so sports-mad boys club together and boys that are more into pokemon or chess or skateboarding or drama or whatever will seek each other out. You can't know now what your son's main interests will turn out to be...

DastardlyandSmugly · 29/09/2010 12:05

Well where I live you wouldn't have the choice as the only school you'd be able to get him into would be the closest one.

DS has just started reception at our closest school. Only one friend from his nursery goes there and his other nursery friends are dispersed amongst 5 or 6 other schools. He's doing brilliantly and has made a lot of new friends already.

I honestly don't think it matters at this age.

Bramshott · 29/09/2010 12:14

Go for convenience, every time. They make new friends so quickly at this age.

cory · 29/09/2010 12:15

Agree, convenience is the way forward.

PlanetEarth · 29/09/2010 12:28

My daughter started school at 5 not knowing anyone (having gone to a private nursery, not the school one which was only 2 hrs a day and useless for working parents). She made friends very quickly, and it's a great bonus for kids to have friends that live nearby.

FWIW she's now gone to a secondary school where she didn't know anyone either, but seems to have settled in fine and made new friends easily.

potplant · 29/09/2010 12:34

Friendship is very fluid at that age. There's a new best friend every week.

diddl · 29/09/2010 12:38

Yes, he will cope.

Most of my son´s friends from Kindergarten went into different classes at primary & hardly bothered with each other again!

proudnglad · 29/09/2010 12:48

Paragraphs please Wink

Definitely don't worry about friends. My dc moved school this year, there were tears and 'we'll miss our friends, I hate you' but they have not mentioned any old friends at all and it's been fairly seamless.

As Potplant said, friendship is fluid for young kids.

SweetKate · 29/09/2010 14:55

At 3 I am not sure that children really have "friends" in the same way that older children / adults do. DS is in year 1. A number of children from his nursery went to the same school. But he is good friends with a number of children who were not at nursery with him. In fact, his "best friend" from nursery is someone he never plays with anymore. No real reason, just they have both clicked with different groups of children.

More important to send your child to the school that you feel is right for him / you.

Also, being able to walk to school is a real bonus - particularly with a newborn to consider. You might also make friends with other families along the way. My DS quite often ends up dawdling behind as he waits for his mates at their gates!!

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