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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very inadequate that my nephew is the same size as my dd and a year younger.....

66 replies

Noellefielding · 29/09/2010 10:59

Honestly, I'm sure he weighs more too...
dd is two and is in clothes for 18 month old kids. Nephew is enormous and blocks out the sun if you stand next to him Confused.

Can't help but stress out that I didn't feed her enough.
.....Sad

The health profs think she's fine by the way, I think she's within the normal range and he's exceeded most records for our species..... and he eats enough for 12 people while dd picks and pokes like like some skinny Parisian lady!
Also b in law goes on and on and on about how well he eats and how healthily and how he's a record breaking size yawn yawn yawn.
Why does child rearing have to be such a competition?
Why does it bother me!

OP posts:
QuiteFickleDobby · 29/09/2010 11:28

Maybe this thread would have been better in parenting or behaviour/development then?

If you are truly concerned, enough for it to make you upset, then you may get a more sympathetic ear in a more appropriate thread.

Otherwise, its just odd.

titchy · 29/09/2010 11:31

What's wrong with being titchy? Wink

chibi · 29/09/2010 11:31

I can empathise

The first year can seem like a prize marrow growing competition if you are the mother of a small baby, with people going out of their way to tell you how small/tiny your baby is

We all get it in the neck though

I have friends who were praised for their big babies, who, now that they are toddlers are attracting hv interest for being obese (same centile!) Sad

take heart that your bil is just head over heels for his boy, and that no one is trying to make you feel bad really

Original poster
Noellefielding · 29/09/2010 11:32

But that is my sense of humour Lizzylou.

Quitefickle, I will be careful in future to seek the appropriate thread. Glad you're here to put me right. I feel much better all ready. Very odd of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noellefielding · 29/09/2010 11:34

LOL titchy apologies!

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 29/09/2010 11:35

I guess I can't relate to worrying about a healthy, if small, sized child. My second daughter is quite small, and other children who are older than her are bigger than her, but I don't really see it as anything I could control, and I think she looks cute and petite. My only concern was that her growth was normal i.e. she was not developing abnormally height-wise, but she's just of the smaller variety. I don't compare her unfavourably with larger child (in my head or otherwise). I also think it's more conventional for girls to be smaller, small boys are more likely to be remarked on (as are very tall/big girls).

TrillianAstra · 29/09/2010 11:35

Grin at Lizzy thinking she had bred a giant.

You feel bad that your DD is small, so you feel defensive and say things to make out that it is bad that your nephew is big. It's understandable, but you should stop both.

Your DD may catch up, or she may be a 4ft11, 7 stone adult woman. Don't ever let her think that being an unusual size is a bad thing.

Lizzylou · 29/09/2010 11:36

Oh Goodness

OK, from your OP, it didn't sound like you were concerned about your DD, it just sounded to me like you were being mean about your nephew (and I had two bruisers and had comments about that, so my hackles were raised), apologies for not getting your sense of humour, and for you not getting mine.

But really, if the health professionals think your DD is fine and healthy and you know she is, please don't worry. Babies/children come in all shapes and sizes and Mothers of big babies get all sort of comments too and have the same worries and fears.

elmofan · 29/09/2010 11:37

You sound very much like an X friend of mine op . She always compares her 18 month old ds to my 4.6 year old dd

QuiteFickleDobby · 29/09/2010 11:37

Aaah, sarcasm.

Stop bloody moaning that you are not getting the empathy you crave that this thread was created for then.

See....Its ODD!

Fimbo · 29/09/2010 11:41

Why post this in AIBU if you want everyone to agree be emphatic with you?

My son is 6 and tall, but that is due to genetics rather than anything else, he eats like a sparrow. His friend of the same age (1 month difference) eats like a horse and is weeny. In fact they look like Little and Large. It's comical.

cory · 29/09/2010 11:42

Oh please do clamp down on any tendencies to compare. Myd dd has had this since her cousin was born a year after her: SIL constantly comparing and panicking at the slightest hint that she might outdo little cousin in anything. It gets to be a habit. And is not great fun for a tall 11yo girl to be constantly nagged about her height (you'll have to stop growing now, not nice being too tall) just because SIL is worried about her ds being short. As if that was our fault or dd could do anything about it (apart from slouching). So do try your hardest not to be pulled into the competition.

Firawla · 29/09/2010 11:44

yabu, a bit ridiculous and quite mean about your nephew
your dd is healthy so why are you worrying about this, its a non issue i think you need something more important to occupy your mind tbh

headinhands · 29/09/2010 12:18

Are any of your friends of a different size to you? Do you assume your smaller/shorter friend just had meaner parents than the larger one? It's all so silly really this attention to sizes.

Vine · 29/09/2010 12:26

There are threads in behaviour/development about smaller than average LOs if you are worried.

conkie · 29/09/2010 12:35

my son is 3 in Jan and sometime still wears 12-18 months clothes. mostly on PJ's though. He doesn't look too skinny. He was only 5 pound 7 when born even though he was nearly 2 weeks overdue so I just put it down to that. I certainly don't feel inadequate about it. He can be very fussy when eating though

Heracles · 29/09/2010 12:52

Hang on, so it's our fault you're irratinal? OK, just reading it again to be sure of that...

OrmRenewed · 29/09/2010 12:53

I don't know, why does it bother you?

OrmRenewed · 29/09/2010 12:54

Are you very small? If you are teeny yourself you aren't going to breed a giant.

signet · 29/09/2010 12:57

My DD is 7 in a few weeks and is smaller than my DS who is only 4 ! She is off the bottom of the scale small, but who cares? It's the way she was made and she can't change it. Rather than get upset about it, she's learnt to use it to her advantage and has everyone running around after her because she is so tiny and cute for her age!! The boys in her class run around after her, and the girls are protective of her. She loves it. And besides, her big gob makes up for her short stature! Grin

zam72 · 29/09/2010 13:04

Wow...about some of the responses here!

Anyhoo...OP. I can see your POV as the mother of a titchy DS myself. Except the gigantic young child is not my nephew but my other DS! DS1 is 5 and is on the 0.4th centile for weight and below 25th for height and always has been. DS2 is just 2 and is on the 99.9th centile for weight and 90th for height. Same parents...same gene pool! Fed by same mother. I do think sometimes that people must think I starve one and feed the other all the pies. But its just the way they are!

I understand how you feel about looking at your petite wee DD and feeling like somehow you've not done enough, fed her the right stuff. I have the same with my DS1 (and DS2 but for opposite reasons - obesity, etc). Its difficult not to feel like you could be judged about it. But she's healthy and active and thriving and that is the best gauge...

BTW my DS1 was very picky at that age too...but he eats a good amount now for the most part and is still small. Just burns it all off.

Oh and talking of clothes, my DS1 was sent home from nursery at 4yo in trouser for a 3-6mo old baby??! They were a bit short and snug but no-one seemed to notice that they were meant to be long trousers!!! Smile Its cheaper having a wee one too....clothes last soo much longer!

Morloth · 29/09/2010 13:15

DS2 is a monster baby, he is 6mos and wears 12-18mths sizes. DS1 was a lean petite little thing, I can honestly say I haven't done very much different, they are just different.

Marjee · 29/09/2010 13:17

I can understand why you feel that way but I don't think you have anything to worry about. Girls are generally smaller than boys and at 2 your dd is probably running around all the time burning off calories whereas I assume your nephew is not walking yet or has just started to walk.

My ds is 11mo and HUGE, I admit he does eat loads but its all healthy food. Sometimes I feel like I have to explain that to people if they comment on his size because I don't want them thinking I feed him mcdonalds! The chances are your bil is the same and to some extent we all go on about our dcs. Honestly stop worrying and enjoy your dd Smile

Original poster
Noellefielding · 29/09/2010 14:05

thanks, morloth, zam, signet, marjee, conkie and all thoughtful posts, appreciate that. that's what I like about mumsnet at its best: warmth, humour and support!

OP posts:
KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 29/09/2010 14:12

Noelle, I have two DSs - DS1 was on the 90th centile, DS2 (only 16mths younger) has been under paediatric assessment for being on the 1st centile Shock! I'm big and felt judged for having such a huge DS first time round and now judged for doing something wrong with DS2!

Damned if you do . . .

I do hope DS2 doesn't remain too small though cos I think life's tough as a small guy Blush.