to give up my seat for a child?

[ScroobiousPip]

OK, some background first....Where we live, the roads are hilly and windy. In heavy traffic the drivers stop-start like crazy, throwing standing passengers around. I know the traditional view is that children should give up their seats for adults but I worry about young children standing on buses because their heads are at seat height and it would be really easy for them to hit their heads or loose a tooth etc.

I was on a busy bus this morning when mum and her three young boys (roughly 3, 4 and 5) got on the bus. There were no seats left. She started to give them instructions on how to hold tight to the poles etc. After a short delay I offered up my (single) seat so that she could sit with the little one on her lap. Once I had offered my seat, the two girls opposite also volunteered their seats so that, in the end, the 3 boys sat on a 2-person seat, with mum sitting opposite on the single seat (she offered it back to me but I was happy standing).

Now I was happy to offer my seat but I got the very strong impression that, had I not offered my seat up, no one else would have either. Mainly because when the boys got on, everyone looked away and did the 'I can't see you thing' that commuters do.

So, my question is AIBU to expect that adults should give up their seats on a bus for children?

(Oh, and is there a 'magic' age when children should stand for adults instead?)

PS If I disappear from the thread halfway through, it's because I'm asleep. I will come back....

Mamatomany - so I was probably being a bit U to judge the other people on the bus, but NU to offer my seat. I can live with that!

I don't think yabu, or too soft. Giving up your seat was a nice thing to do, but I think that there is no hard and fast rule, some people will, others won't, no matter how much the person needs to sit. DH told me that whilst commuting to uni by (very busy) train, he watched as a heavily pregnant woman got on, and had to stand whilst those with seats did the 'look-out-of-the-window-pretending-I-don't-see' thing. She eventually did get a seat though when others left the carriage at a stop.

I would (and have) offered my seat to folk I think need it more than I do, but also feel a bit embarrassed as others on the bus look at me as though I have 10 heads! You can't win sometimes.

I have come to the conclusion that most people day to day are so wrapped up in their own lives it's not that they are rude or inconsiderate they just don't think.
When somebody is kind to you or does you a favor it really makes your day and stands out because it's quite rare.
I try to remember to be thoughtful but often don't

I give up mine to anyone who is finding it harder to stand safely than I would. No rule but my own.

I think you were kind to give up your seat. I may have done the same on the bus. But I would never give up my seat on the tube for a child. I travel on the tube with my DS and I let him sit and I stand as I have not paid for him to travel.

We were on a bus last weekend and DH was holding ds (23 months). DS was not feeling well and didn't want to be put down and no room for the buggy so we had to collapse it (just umbrella mclaren volo, easy). Anyway, he stood in the buggy area, holding a very uncomfortable ds, and being knocked around and swayed by the aggressive driver, standing up while two teenage girls sat in the "priority" seats right in front of him. There was a sign that said to give up seats to those less able to stand and one of the pictures was of a person with a child on their lap. The bus was wobbling everywhere and dh looked like he was struggling to both hold ds and keep steady. I offered to hold ds myself for a bit to ease the load but ds wanted to be held by daddy.

Anyway, I was very annoyed with these two girls because I thought they should offer one seat to dh to hold ds. After a few stops, an elderly woman was about to get off but as people rushed to take her seat when she stood up, she said, "no. This is for the man and his baby".

DH was of course about the whole thing and said "no, no, someone else can sit, it's ok" but I insisted that he sit down and they did.

I hope when ds is a teen that he would get up in that situation. Who knows how that will turn out, but I really hope that he would think to get up for someone in that situation.

MrsFC, you don't pay on the bus, either, do you?

I don't buy that at all mamatomany. I go about with my iPod plugged in, nose in a book and have done since I was 11. I still manage to see what's around me and act appropriately. People use that as an excuse not to shift themselves, they are quick enough to spot seats for themselves, after all.

And in London, neither do OAPs pay for the bus or the tube. I would still give up my seat, it's not about money, it's about need, surely?

I would give up my set for kid, no problem. I also hate the stance that children shouldn't occupy a seat when fare-paying adults are standing. Fare-standing adults presumably have strong enough limbs to prevent themselves being hurled across the bus when the driver slams the brake on...

Conversely, I will not give up my seat for a pensioner simply because they are a pensioner. If they are infirm and a pensioner, or inform and any age actually, they can have my seat, no question. For example, I would not expect anyone to sacrifice their seat for my MiL (64) meremy because she is a pensioner. She can out-walk me any day and is as fit as a butcher's dog. Pensioners don't hold a monopoly over seats just because they've got a bus pass.

Also, I meant to say, I would rather pay for my child to board the bus and then be able to sit safely on the bus. I don't ask for him to be free, that's not my option. But it is my option to keep him safe. Children must stand, pffft. Are they really to be treated like pets, not allowed on seats?

Agree JoanHolloway and cupcakes.

1. Am jealous you are asleep.

1. You sound very nice.

1. I don't give up seats for kids, I live in London and travel on the tube. I say the opposite to my dc, they should stand and give grown ups the seats. But on your hilly windy journey I think you're right to.

Buses in my area AREN'T free for any dc over the age of 5yo. I would expect a fit and healthy adult to get up for DS2, who is 6yo, as he has a muscle problem, is unable to balance on a moving bus, AND I've had to pay for his seat. However, with my other 2 dc, once they are 7/8yo, and able to balance on a moving bus, I would FULLY expect them to get up for someone elderly/infirm/with smaller dc/pregnant. In fact DS1 (almost 9yo)this morning put an entire packed commuter bus to shame when he very loudly turned round to a heavily pregnant woman and said "As none of these grown ups have given you a seat, please sit down in mine". Cue lots of adults on the bus trying to hide their shame. The only reason I couldn't get up and offer her MY seat is because I'm also pregnant. (And falling over when I don't sit down, as no-one even moves along to let me have a bloody pole to hold onto.

Loudlass, your son sounds very polite, but I would expect a 9 yr old to be the first to give up a seat for an adult, especially a pregnant woman. It's basic manners, deferring to the adults - not just the pregnant women but the other adults on the bus.

A small child can sit on a lap, a child that's too big for that can stand and allow an adult to sit. Most 9 year olds don't need to sit on ten minute bus ride, they can hold on. And as most 9 yo's throw themselves all over the place most of the time a bit of swaying round the pole and the bus stops and starts is usually part of the fun...!

StarExpat, in that situation, I would have just asked the girls if we could sit down (with a friendly smile). It just doesn't occur to some people, but IME they (even commuters and teenage girls ) rarely say no.

i do this all the time, i makes me quite cross to see able bodied people (business men and women especially for some reason) completely ignore mothers with young children on a busy bus or train.

I was on the tube the other day with my 3 year old dd, my friend's 4 year old boy and my 6 year old dd. A lovely man stood up for my 3 year old and then someone next to him stood up so all 3 children could sit down. I thought it was very thoughtful and really appreciated the gesture.

I don't expect children to stand up for able-bodied adults at all but one thing that drives me up the wall is a small child occupying a seat when they could easily sit on an adult's lap (up to about 4 or 5 I think). When I'm on the tube, I always make my 3 year old sit on my lap as soon as there are no more seats. I think that's basic courtesy.

I have stood up for little kids before, it can be hard for them to manage on a bus designed for adults. People have done likewise for DS1.

When I was about 12 and had hideous period pains (I think I had gone a horrible shade of white and may have been swaying!) a very elderly man offered me his seat. I was close to fainting and was EXTREMELY grateful (obviously never forgot it either). I think the anyone-who-is-less-able rule is fine. But, I would also ask if I needed a seat. I'm currently 7 months pregnant and I know people (men) don't like to ask unless they know because you will cry on them if it is all cake-related belly!

I'd give up my seat for a mum with a little one but not for a child over 6 or so unless the route made me think they were likely to fall i.e very hilly/stop starty. I don't think it harms them to stand up.

So you expect a 9yo to give up a seat (on a 30 minute journey) with no hand-holds, for a full grown adult, when I have also paid for a ticket for him? While I am pleased that my DS1 did this, I think it was unreasonable of the adults to not give up their seat for a pregnant woman. All the hand-holds on our buses are right on the ceiling where a full-grown adult can reach, and a 9yo can't.

And what about DS2, who is almost 7yo, but has muscle problems, and therefore needs a seat? Should HE have to give up his seat instead of a fit healthy adult if someone infirm/ pregnant got on the bus? I still have to pay for a ticket for him too...

So while I have taught my dc that there are other people with a greater need for the seats than themselves, why should fare paying children have to get up, rather than fare paying adults, who are more capable of staying upright by holding onto the ceiling straps? Or were these fit healthy adults not taught that there are people in greater need than them? Why do the adults get away with being ignorant?