Been stewing on this one for over a week...AIBU?

[SaggyHairyArse]

DH and I separated in early August, he officially moved out at the end of August. Everything reasonably amicable.

So FIL invites DH round for Sunday lunch (DH went and we rearranged his access day), only it wasn't just FIL and DH, but SIL, BIL and their DC were invited, excluding our 3 DC.

I am pretty pissed about this as FIL has not seen the DC since July and has not such much as called them (not me) to ask after their welfare etc.

So AIBU?

FIL sounds like an arse

I think if hes got an attitude like that your dc are better having sunday dinner with their mum .....although I suppose it is hard to decide where you draw the lines?

I dont think your being unreasonable at all but itd be interesting why your FIL did that.

Sadly I think that your fil has made his feeings very clear regarding your dcs. (who are of course his own dgc)

Very sad. I think the best thing is for you to try to move on (easier said than done I am sure) and try to divert your thoughts away from this type of situation. You can't change it, it is up to your h and his family to work out if they see the children.

It couldn't have been a misunderstanding could it?
In that FIL thought the DCS might be coming and didn't mean access to be rearranged.

Your ex DH should have taken them. I don't think it's anything to do with your FIL.

Have you discussed this with your XDH? It sounds like he might be reasonable if you explain calmly how this has made you feel. FIL might have valid reasons, or maybe just overlooked it. He might not want to tread on XDH's toes, or he might be feeling awkward and not know how to handle the situation. Try not to read too much into all this, and talk to XDS.

i mean XDH, oops, time for bed!

I think (ex) inlaws find it very difficult to know how best to keep in contact with their grand children after a separation. I suspect that they weren't deliberately excluded but didn't realise that your ex would have been able to bring them. They probably didn't want to make things awkward.

Really it is down to your ex to make sure that his children are still part of his extended family. Just mention to him that you still want them to be included in his family just as much as they are in yours.

Hmmm, its a tough one as you don't want to bring xDH into it if he maybe didn't know they were going or end up in a fight and being accused petty etc.

Maybe next time say to XDH "oh the DC's would have loved that, be sure to say to them next time". If they don't get an invite again then you have your question answered.

TBH if it was me I know my MIL would still be at my door at least once a week no matter how unamicable (?) the split so I think your FIL should have been more considerate. But if XDH knew the extended family were going then I'd be annoyed at him.

But why did your X not have the children just because he was going to his Dads for lunch?

I think you're reading too much into it.

Two things. First, when we're invitied round to family the kids are never mentioned specifically, its assumed they'll be coming, no need for a specific invitation. Your FIL may have assumed your son would understand that and bring them if he had them. Second, they probably have no idea what the access arrangements are and are trying to support their son.

IMO you need to back off out of their relationship with their son and indeed with their dgs, thats for their dad to sort out now.

Why didn't you x take the DC with him (or are there other issues with FIL?)