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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he is lying?

17 replies

veyron · 28/09/2010 17:34

I have just had confirmed dates for my elective c-section and have text my dd father to confirm those dates with him, as he previously said he would have dd when i go in to have my baby.

The problem is he has now texted back and said the date is fine but he cant do a particular week leading up to that as the job centre are apparantly sending him on a course from monday-friday. He has hinted its a residential course.

It seems a bit strange to me as these dates coincide with half term. His live in gf has 3 under 14's and an 18yr old dd.

He has told me in the last few weeks that he has lost his job but is not claiming benefits so there for cannot give me any maintenance at all. It just seems a bit strange as they have just booked their wedding for next year and have already bought bridesmaids dresses etc (with no money coming in)

also dd came home sunday night and said that daddy had been out with his work mate to measure up a job Confused

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 17:35

and also, they are very partial to the £7.50 camping holidays during half terms etc.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/09/2010 17:38

they will have money coming i,he should still be paying you £5 weekly if he's unemployed....so go to csa about that

its all a bit of a guessing game isnt it? really,worry just about the birth of your baby and the care of your dd.....not wether he's lying or doing this that or the other.....

can someone more reliable have your dd?

Marjee · 28/09/2010 17:40

Yanbu, hes lying. I might be wrong here but I can't see how hes not claiming benefits but being sent on a course by the jobcentre.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 28/09/2010 17:42

I've never heard of the job centre sending people on a residential course to be honest, especially someone who has only just started claiming.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/09/2010 17:44

He is definitely lying.

Why don't you have an arrangement through the CSA? Cuts out a lot of the possibility for bullshit I would think.

Is there anyone else who can have your DD so that you aren't relying on him?

Lauriefairycake · 28/09/2010 17:47

I'm going to guess he is away working.

CSA. But it's going to be really crappy for you if he just declares the least amount from 'oddjobs'.

Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 17:57

Thanks for your replies...

I knew something like this would happen tbh I don't know why i even asked him in the first place. am going to see what other childcare options there are available, just difficult as dont have a very large family and they all work f-t.

I am seriously considering going through the csa now as something isn't sitting well with me. (possibly pregnancy hormones)

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 28/09/2010 18:56

YABU to think he's lying....

YANBU to be pretty damned sure he is LYING.

Get on to the CSA.

Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 19:05

thanks i have just replied to him and said that's fine about the half term week (as i don't want to get in to yet another row) i have told him that if he is on jsa he should be paying £5 per week and i can download a private agreement form and drop it round there this week for us both to fill in.

i really dont want to have to go down the csa route as i have heard so many horror stories. the fact that he is self-employed and sub-contracts to big companies seems to make it really easy for him to avoid paying too much tax (and to blatantly lie about his earnings)

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 28/09/2010 19:08

Do you really believe that, in these days of cutbacks, the Job Centre sends people who haven't even signed on onto residential courses?

He's either working and not admitting it to you, or taking care of his partner's children. Either way, he's a dead loss.

Do you have any friends who could take care of your child for you, when you have the op?

Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 19:16

i think he's working tbh, i dont think he 'lost' his job in the first place. i think it's a case of saving their money for their wedding or something else he's saved himself £120 already.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 28/09/2010 19:47

Get someone to tail him and photograph him not working.

How can a supposed father just check in and out of obligations to their own children?

Seriously, the Revenue will know what he's paying tax wise, he can be assessed on last years payments. Unless he shows you proof he is claiming benefit, then he's lying.

Go talk to the CAB and find out the dodgiest and most evil things you can do to get this feckess twunt to honour his obligations.

There needs to be a special place in hell for people like him.

When is the wedding?, can't you have it crashed with big burly bouncers demanding your back pay?

Mumcentreplus · 28/09/2010 19:55

He is definantely lying the jobcentre does not send people onto residential courses!!..you can attend a residential course whilst signing but only for up to 2 weeks..and it would be a course found by the customer not the jobcentre...lying toad!

mummysgoingmad · 28/09/2010 20:13

the jobcenter dont send people on residential courses, some people have to attend the job center a couple of days a week to get extra help looking for work etc. but these are usually people who have been on the dole for over a year, he's lying through his teeth. I suspect you may be right about the csa, he's probable trying to save for the wedding and thinks he can cut some corners.

Itsonme · 28/09/2010 20:15

He is definitely lying! But I can't understand why you need him to have your dd for the whole week? Surely you'll want her there to bond with baby?

Your current partner could just keep her when you're in the hospital and you'd just need someone to have her during the day - in fact dd dad said he could anyway didn't he?

Yanbu about the maintenance though

Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 20:22

itsonme -

i will have to stay in hospital due to gestational diabetes, and exp knew this, i didn't ask him to have her the whole week, just for the days i am in hospital which will be around 4 or 5 days, sorry i should have stated this in original post.

OP posts:
Original poster
veyron · 28/09/2010 20:26

funnily enough i havent heard anything back about him filling in the private agreement form yet either.

OP posts:
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