to have an evil desire to call someones bluff when they say 'I don't want anything for my birthday...'?

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

I am not going to do that btw.

But MiL (she is lovely and I have no gripes about her generally), has an unfortunate habit of giving poor dh the old 'I don't need anything, I have 3 beautiful grandchildren, buy what I want when I want to etc. etc.' spiel at christmas and birthdays. He is left clueless as to what to get her and I end up buying chocs/ flowers/ cooking a meal.

If she genuinely doesn't want anything but really wants to have a nice time with her GC then she could say so. Equally she could say well I really like are Boots/ Body shop/ Jo Malone bath products or whatever. But as it stands if we acted on her verbal instructions she would end up with nowt and then give dh and I a hard time for it (well act wounded anyway).

Just tell us what you want woman - she could even say she wanted a 'suprise!' I could work with that!

Well, DH is responsible for presents for his side of the family.

I am fully aware that they expect me to do it, and if the gifts aren't up to scratch they assume I bought them, but it's nothing to do with me.

Try it - it's very liberating.

(My MIL pulls the 'don't spend your money on me' line, but is then openly critical of anything bought for her. Your MIL sounds nicer).

If she is anything like me then she probably genuinely doesn't want anything.

I would be delighted if you took me at my word!

I think flowers are an excellent choice if you are going to get something anyway.

I always say I don't want anything and largely, I get nothing. Which was my plan in the first place.

My mother always does this. She told her whole family that she didn't want presents for her 50th and then got really upset when no one got her anything! I just don't understand it.

Plus, she's always really ungrateful for nice presents (and we spend a fortune on her as she gets really mean if she thinks we haven't spent enough etc). So last year I'd had enough and got her something fairly impersonal and under £20 from John Lewis, and she pretty much refused to speak to me on Christmas day, and my Dad told me not to be tight and buy her something decent in the future - ffs!!

She conveniently forgot the £60 set of Provencal nativity figures that she also got (joint present with Dad, but he doesn't care, so really for her). And she totally missed the point of why I'd done it. I also got the blame because my brother got her a crap present. He's 23 and has never bought my parents a present for anything, I buy them all and put his name on them.

Phew, sorry for the rant, but it's a touchy subject. Anyway, I wish people would just accept that they'll be bought a present, it's a nice gesture, and could they stop pretending that they don't want one just to seem/feel superior! And maybe suggest something once in a while.

what seatrk said! i keep telling people not to get me stuff and they keep getting me stuff

I suppose I just hate getting the same presents for her I like to be more creative but Dh is very keen to 'get it right' with his Ma and won't take risks that I am more ready to with my (huge and complicated) family.

I think she will enjoy a nice lunch at our house and a play with the GC (I am a good cook she hates cooking).

Obviously, exceptions to those who really dont want anything, but then assumedly don't complain about it when they get nothing/something they think isn't good enough!

TBH if I say I don´t want anything I mean it.

Would be upset not to get a card & possibly a visit.

Perhaps she would appreciate just some nicer soap/shower gel etc than she normally buys for herself.

Flowers & chocs I think are generally appreciated though.

There are other things that are nice for birthdays - like in my case I like to go out for a meal or to the pictures - experiences can be great presents - so I have made up vouchers for dh and others in the past promising things like that - or tickets to a show.

It is just that I know she would be disappointed if no effort was made for her b'day, making her words though probably well meant, a bit disingenous.

my nan used to say this.

so i replied. seriously nan, tell me what you want or i'm not getting you owt. cos i always buy stuff you dont want and you give it me back

was all in good humour and eventually she's tell me she needed a hot water bottle or something

I have been saying it uselessly for years.
I don't want presents from destitute students who happen to be my children. I would rather they spent the money on themselves.
They never take any notice but I do try.

We did it to my Grandad.He was a bit put out but had been saying it for the past 10 years. My Mam said none of us to buy anything. We did go out for a family meal though.

Get her a card.

When I say I don't want anything for my birthday, I really mean it. I am pleased when people take me at my word. I am a bit annoyed when they don't.

I genuinely don't ever want anything from my dc for my b-days - I ask for donations to charity.

From my husband however - DIAMONDS. MORE DIAMONDS.