Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be upset that my dd doesn't want to come home.

37 replies

scruffymuff · 27/09/2010 22:17

Whenever I go to pick up my 5 yo dd from a friends house/party/grandmas/school club etc etc she doesn't want to come.

I find it really embarrassing when I go to collect her from a play-date and she hides, and I have to bribe/threaten/and generally persuade her to put her shoes on and say goodbye. On occasions I have had to drag/carry her screaming out of the door.

She is on her last chance- if it happens again she is not going on any more play-dates.

I don't think her own home is that bad :-(

OP posts:

Onetoomanycornettos · 28/09/2010 10:02

Normal, normal, normal, but very annoying. I don't take it remotely personally, but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve to deal with it. One is distraction ('oh, can you come and do an important job for me, I really need your help', this one got my nearly seven year old out from under the bed only last week when leaving her gran's house). Another is consequences- that they won't be allowed to come in to play next time if they don't leave nicely this time (I would set this up in advance of the play-date, don't start negotiating once they are hiding!). The third is bribery ('oh, when everyone is sitting in the car nicely, we'll have a lolly'). The worst is getting into a power-struggle, I always end up red in the face!

DancingHippoOnAcid · 28/09/2010 10:09

OP, this is so normal. Your DD just wants to carry on playing with her friend. Both my DD and DS did this all the time when they were this age, as did their friends when thay came round for playdates. Thye just don't want the fun to end and have to calm down and go to bed.

Try not to take it personally, it really is no reflection on how they feel about you. Try to look on it as a sign they are having a good time with their friends which can only be a good thing.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 28/09/2010 10:11

Incidentally, both DD and DS still do the hiding bit as a joke at the end of every playdate and are both a lot older than your DD!

Notquitegrownup · 28/09/2010 10:19

Yep, very normal for your dd to do it, but still frustrating/embarassing.

I'm not a very scary parent, but my dss know that there are a few things I will not ever negotiate on. One, is any fuss going home after a playdate. It's just a non-starter for me. I would threaten to/cancel the next visit to a friend, if I had to drag ds home/chase him around the house, ask more than twice for him to get ready. (I only had to follow through once, I think.) But it's like anything. If you really really mean it, they catch on quickly. I probably put up with all sorts of other things which I shouldn't

DancingHippoOnAcid · 28/09/2010 10:22

Try the five minute warning as you walk in the door.

forpitysake · 28/09/2010 10:34

my DD does this.a lot.very embarassing as i think that even my good friends are thinking why on earth cant she control her/get her to do what shes told

BUT - i have learned to tell her whats what in the car before we go in. she nearly always tries it on anyway though.

i do also try and make sure that ive done my chatting and im ready to go already. no point getting cross with her for not getting her shoes on etc if im still not ready.

i also give a shout up the stairs, with 2 warnings before a threat of not getting something/doing something she likes, etc.

i wouldnt say she couldnt ever go back again, just that they wont want her round if they see a tantrum, etc.

besides- i need my time with my friends too much aswell. if she cant go then neither can I

DancingHippoOnAcid · 28/09/2010 10:52

Forpitysake - don't be embarassed, I am sure your friends have seen it all before. I always take it as a compliment if one of DC's friends kicks up a fuss about going home. They must have had a nice time.

If, however, they shoot out of the door as soon as their mum arrives shrieking "start the engine NOW!" I would worry!

dilemma456 · 28/09/2010 11:12

Very normal. DD does this when I pick her up from SCHOOL. I can't ban school so guess I'm stuck with it thoguh I am sure her teachers must be beginning to think she has a terrible home life. She clings to the TAs leg yelling "I like it here, I don't want to go home I'm too busy"

deaddei · 28/09/2010 11:24

One of ds's friends used to do this to us when he came.
He would start playfighting and being hyper as soon as the door bell went- and it could sometimes take 15 minutes to get him out.
I decided that I would make him get his shoes/coat on ten minutes before his parents came, and sit on the bottom step waiting for them. Then I would literally hand him over on the doorstep.
It worked.

cestlavielife · 28/09/2010 11:30

all kids do this. mine at others' houses - and other kids who come to ours for playdates.

if you need to pick her up at say 5.00 pm to go somewhere you should get there a t 4.30 to allow enough time to recover her from hiding place etc.

Kewcumber · 28/09/2010 11:32

I thought this was completely normal and I don;t find it at all embarassing. Maybe I have thick skin!

dinkystinky · 28/09/2010 11:42

DS1 (aged 4) has been doing this for ages - playdates, leaving the park etc. He actually cries and throws a tantrum half the time. It is very wearing, and really sad to see him so sad, but its normal I think for them to be upset at the fun time finishing...

Flip

1 2