My step-sons mum refuses to see him!

[Taistar]

Help..... I need some advice! My step son has recently come to live with us as he was very unhappy at home with his mum, step-dad, sister and half-brother. Since making that decision his mum has pushed him out of her life, doesn't call very often, won't make any arrangements to see him and expects us to do all the toooing and froing, she still have child benefit but won't give it up!

My step son is upset but says he's ok.... she is behaving dreadfully I understand she feels rejected etc but I can't excuse how she is behaving.... she said living with us was in his best interest but so is seeing his mother!

Unless she has no feelings which I think is unlikely, she is probably finding it hard to deal with and this is her way of dealing with it. You should be making sure your ss still feels loved by her and helping him settle in while affording his mum every opportunity to see him. It may take some time. Child benefit is another issue.

I don't know how old he is, but if your stepson made the decision to leave because he was unhappy then presumably when he says he is 'OK' that she has cut off contact - he means it.

I would simply get on with looking after him, providing normality and really not push the point on what his mother does or doesn't do (CB included). If anyone in the scenario is point-scoring for effect then extra attention will only prolongue the behaviour. Rise above it.... this is something they probably have to sort out for themselves

thanks .... he's 11 .... long story to the lead up for him leaving home! His step-dad is not a nice person..... not helped by the fact they had a son together and then pushed my step son out.....

he's not really happy about her not seeing his mum (although he is resigned to the fact that she won't make much of an effort) he asks her all the time when will I see you and sends her messages etc....

CB I will leave to his dad to resolve with her.

I just don't want my step son to be so unhappy regarding his mum when everything else is going well. Do you think I should say something. we've never met, she doesn't like me.... (no basis for any of this...ie I was not the cause of the breakdown of her marriage) ...

I think theres nothing much you can do to help that part so you sound like a fab step mum and you can love him instead.