to worry about neice being left with her mother?

[BlingLoving]

DH's brother is divorced with two children. The boy is a teenager and the girl is only 7. The children live with their mother. However, our nephew is in the process of moving in with his father as his mother has been abusive - verbally and physically - and DBIL has applied for custody as a result.

However, for reasons I do not understand, our niece is being left with her mother on the premise that she has not suffered any abuse.

Now, I am lucky enough not to have suffered myself, and not to intimately aware of anyone who has (I'm sure I know people who are abused, I just don't know that they are abused) so I don't know how to judge, but surely if she's abusing her son, she's likely to start on her daughter at some point too? if not now, then certainly when she hits puberty? It seems clear that our nephew's problems with his mother started at that time when he started answering back and generally behaving like an average teenager [although, I also have to say that this is the most mature teenager I've ever met. I regularly worry that he doesn't let loose enough because his parents have put him through hell in the past].

So, IABU to worry about my niece?

Have you asked your bil why he isn't applying for custody of her too ? There could well be more to it than you know. tbh I think most judges would keep a daughter with her mother unless there were definite risks.

YANBU to worry about your niece - it does seem rather barking to leave a little girl with her mother while removing her brother because he's been abused?!

Don't either you or your DH have a good enough relationship with his brother to ask what is going on?

Maybe when the Mum looks at her DS she sees her Ex DH and can't control her temper/attitude - so maybe this wont be an issue with her DD. Maybe he's different with his Mum when no one else is there and she can't handle him.... who knows.

You should definitely speak to someone though if you are worried - you need to make sure that little girl is OK there.

LIZS - I haven't spoken with BIL, no. We don't have that kind of relationship. I did ask DH and he did have a brief conversation with his DB but I think he feels that DB is so busy focusing on the nephew he can't push him on other decisions.

Chipping, yes, DH gets the impression that there is definitely an element of her treating her son this way because he is a) male and b) her ex husband's son.

Do you ever see your niece?

Have you ever told her that she can tell you anything and you will always be there help her etc?

If your DBIL is going for custody of his son and he says that the girl will remain with her mother, then he's probably right.

As crazy as it sounds, this sound so much like the usual family court/social services/cafcass type decision. I do know a bit about this because I have had two children placed with me due to neglect, but the third when born was allowed to remain with his mum.

Sorry I can't really help.

We live in a different country so although DH and I see them when we visit, we have little contact with them outside of that. Nephew has a mobile and facebook now so we keep in touch a bit more but the little girl is too young.

okay - that just sounded weird and like I don't really know these children, but I do. And DH and I both love them to bits. We're trying to convince DBIL to send his son to us for a holiday at some point - change of scenary, different part of the family, excitement of international travel etc.