I've almost had it with ds1, I can't believe I'm saying this but I am seriously considering handing him over to my ex (who has never looked after ds1 full time) to see if he has any better luck than me. Ds is 9, has diagnosis of ADHD and Aspergers and is quite simply running me - and my whole family - ragged. Tried to have nice family day out today with dh, ds2 and ds1. Ds1 did literally nothing but harass ds2 physically and verbally and argue the toss with me and Dh over everything to the max, from which flavour ice cream he had to which shoes he wore.
I'm at my wits' end and so fed up, I really do wish someone would just take him away from me for a while. I'm sure within days I would be missing him terribly but when I see the grinding wear and tear he inflicts on the rest of us, day in day out, I almost can't bear it any more. What's more, given the self-centredness of his world view and his filthy temper, I can only look forward to him being more and more uncontrollable, horrendous teenage years and all too likely ending up in prison when he is an adult.
When I think back to how thrilled I was when I gave birth to him and how life-changing the love I felt for him as a newborn, I could cry, I really could.
My ex is completely naive, probably has asperger's himself, has never raised kids full-time and only has ds for the odd weekend about half a dozen times a year, so would be totally ill-equipped to cope. SO I know that's a non-starter. I keep scrolling through boarding schools on the internet to see if I could afford one. I can't.
I know the only option is to soldier on, and thank god he is now in bed and I can chill out with a glass of wine and some telly. But I never thought I;d get the to point where I'd really, really dislike my own child. It's scarey.