Charging for Keep

[Byblyofyle]

My 18 year old son is taking a gap year. He has a job which pays him £800 a month. We feel he should be paying some money towards his keep. We actually intend to put the money in a savings account for him but haven't told him this.
My question to you lovely mums is: what would be a reasonable amount to charge him (he's not keen on paying anything!)?

This is a great opportunity for your son to learn about household budgeting. I'd suggest setting up an Excel spreadsheet with all the regular household bills on it and going through it to explain where/how his contribution will go. He should also be expected to participate in chores, and would suggest giving him key tasks that are his responsibility, as well as learning how to shop/cook/clean - these skills will stand him in good stead when he finally leaves home. To me it is shameful that young people in their 20s can go off to college with no knowledge of how households work.

I would also encourage saving a percentage and tithing/giving a percentage to a charity/good cause of his choice - this could set him up with good financial habits for life.

mmmm....goin thru this at the mo! agree with some comments but zukiecat had it rough with her mother so I like to think there is a compromise! I am aware that my own experience affects how I treat my kids/have spoiled them somewhat but I do expect some contribution from now on.
DD is now 21 and came back to live with me at 18 after 18 months with XH who was much stricter, and started asking for money at 18 but she had no job - had just finished college. I was plsd to have her home and supported her while she searched for work/got a 10 hour part time job which I felt happy was 'her' money at min wage. At 19 I went abroad to work leaving her with her SD here and he continued to support her for the 8 months... but her bf decided he would snirge his way in while Mama was gone lol ! H and I split up on my return and last year turned into hell - being a softie in some ways but not others! I allowed the bf to 'unofficially' move in but with no DH in the house he tried to take over a little and def took advantage of me! Single parent with a ten yr DS and very limited income I found myself paying for everything and being eaten out of house and home! 10 months on - and yes I cant believe I tolerated it that long either! - and having tried numerous times to tell them they had to start contributing a very reasonable 30 a week ( not each!) things came to a head and I threw him out! Just felt like they taking P! they were.
She left too and was hardest time ever but knew I was doin right thing - they soon learnt how hard it was running a house sharing with 4 others at his mums place paying equal shares. She came home rather embarrassed 4 months later! I hope she learned from that but again her month with me turned into longer - fine but still no keep and a reluctance to discuss it. New year and have now insisted on it as she works part time but with extra hours often earns 700 a month. Her travel costs are highish but I am only asking for 50 a month as a contribution to show willing and to get her used to dividing her wage and not seein it all as free to spend on clothes,beauty and socialising! I know its too low and my family are cross but I am now self employed and money is either really good or nothing for weeks (!) - I dont want to leave her short as to be fair she eats out most of the month until the last few days before payday with occasional meals with us but obviously has a room, hot water, heating, use of washer/dryer etc etc. Once a month she treats us to take-away, buys all her own toiletries and will now pick up a few things we need so is finally clicking on! She is so independent in other ways and wants to share a flat this year and save for hols but financially I feel I have let her down by not reinforcing this idea of responsibilites before and admit to wanting to spoil her - or let life be diff for her - I was earning 25 at a government scheme at 17 and my SM and dad took 18 of that leaving me £7! they did it to all my brothers too all on higher wages and I had to work since 13 to earn any money I needed. It was a terrific lesson for me esp when they returned to Ireland when I was 17 leaving me to run the house with my 3 brothers! I grew up quickly but know looking back it was all bills and little money - I want her to learn and I have always felt that my home is her home and want to provide that but also show her some input is long overdue now!
You will prob think am too soft but any advice on a compromise - am really not worried about the money per se as long as she pays the min amount asked for - but she is already saying she can only give half this month despite me knowing she has lots of social events goin on. All her friends are amazed as they all pay keep - some only ten a week but they pay it - none of them earn lots but realise its important to show willing.
believe me am not a soft touch in any other area of my life esp running my business an with men lol but this is my nemesis!

I would say it depends if he is just going out and blowing it all or being sensible with his earnings.

I lived with my parents for just over a year after finishing uni. I was working full time but was sensible with my money. They didn't charge me a penny and with the money I had saved I put down a deposit on my first flat and furnished it all myself - they didn't give me any money to set up alone and I didn't expect them to as they'd been generous enough to allow me to save for myself.

If he's spending it all on partying or computer games or such like and not pulling his weight in the house then YANBU to ask him for some money for his keep, particularly if you are planning to save on his behalf.

£250 a month is very reasonable.

I think it depends entirely on your own circumstances. I don't believe in profiting off your children, so would charge whatever extra it cost me to keep them in the house (which is likely to be much less than what it would cost them to live separately) providing we weren't struggling for money.

I might review this later if I felt they were being irresponsible with their earnings, and look at saving their housekeeping for them.

I would say £200 is totally acceptable, even if you don't intend on putting it in a savings account for him.

I am 20 and spend more than that on rent alone in one month! Me and my partner split bills equally so we pay at least another £150 each on household bills and basic food supplies. Just to give you an idea of what he would pay living with a flat mate. This has been the case since I was 17 and had to move out coz my parents live in a tiny remote village.

Just to add that I definatley don't earn as much as £800 a month either! I would love if my parents lived near enough to civilisation for me to live with them and still have a job :P

If you intend on putting the money into savings for your son then he is very lucky that you are able to do that! :)

Please please take board from him - and what a lovely idea to save it - dont tell him though it will be a lovely suprise at the end - When i was 17 i was living with my dad , he didnt make me pay board then he bought a 2 up 2 down and let my boyfriend and i live in it for free for 5 years - God how i wish he had taken some board to show me that i cant just spend all my wages every month - he told me when we moved out how he wished he had taken it and saved it for us and boy so do i!!

If he is working then £50 a week is definatly not unreasonable!!

When I first started work I lived with my parents for a while - I got £600 take home pay out of which I paid my parents £200. I also did my share of cooking, cleaning, washing etc. I didn't resent it in the slightest, although to be fair I had lived away from home for a number of years and was well aware of the cost of living.
I think £200 would be perfectly realistic.

I'd say a 1/3 too & if you MUST put into savings for him, DON"T tell him, that sends out the wrong message that in life as an Adult you have to pay for your keep

When I was young & still living at home, my Mum took a 1/3 of my wage......she took MUCH less from my brother & during the course of the month he usually ended up getting what she did take back

roll forward the years, I have NEVER needed to be bailed out by my parents, preferring to help them when I can instead....my brother on the other hand STILL sees it as his right to have them help him out, & never budgets properly as a result, as he knows they will always bail him out......he;s in his 40s& they still often pay his mortgage

so do yourself AND your Son a favour, charge him properly & be tough about it

I think he should give you £200.00 p/m (dont tell him what you are thinking of doing) at same time suggest he give you another £200.00 a month or more if he wants to put away for his future!!

By the way i think what you are thinking of doing ie putting some/all of his board money away to give to him at a later date is a very generous idea

As soon as I had a job I had to pay my mum and dad keep. I gave them a third/saved a third/had a third to spend.

It would be very nice if my life was still like that now - instead half my wages going on the mortgage and the other half on childcare and food - with the princely sum of about $25 quid saved for xmas!!

$800 is alot of money for him to have all to himself every month!! Hopefully he will already be saving some of that for his own future, as well as what you are thinking of putting away for him.

When Ds left school we discussed 'keep'. We agreed that he would pay 25% of his earnings, up to a maximum of £200 per month.

This worked well for him as his first job was commission based cold calling. Some weeks he would earn £150, and give me £37.50. One particularly awful week he earned £15, so gave me £3.75. (I should add that I encouraged him to leave that job PDQ as he'd been out for 57 hours in all weather for that £15 )

Now, he takes home £850 pm and gives me £200. This covers EVERYTHING including the odd lift here and there, laundry, bills, food, takeaways etc. He's happy, I'm happy.

My mum would take £50 a week of my £800 a month wages for keep and I had to cook for the family at least once a week and do my own washing.

In hind site, I wish she had took £100 a week and put half in a savings account for me because that would certainly have come in handy when moving into my own place.

This is what I'll be doing with my kids.

DD is 25 still at home. I added up all outgoings ( we have no mortgage) and divided by 3 , her share comes to £250 a month. She very rarely eats in but there is always something in if she needs it.She buys all her own toiletries and I don't go into her room without knocking. We treat her as a grown up and in return she acts like the grown up she is.

She is also paying back £250 pm on her loan to us for her car ( we offered so she pays the interest we would be earning from the Bank ).

I have said recently that she must start to build a back-up rainy day fund and the message is getting through.

I have to say that it is really lovely to have an adult child with us.

Haha rockinhippy that sounds like our family.

My brother didn't have to pay keep either, then to top it all off, when my mum moved, brother insisted he wasn't going so mum found him a flat and she pays ALL the rent and bills for him and sends him £250 a month for food shopping. (Me jealous? Nooooo)

I think £200 a month is more than fair. I agree on sitting down with a spreadsheet and showing him all the household bills so he can get a grasp on budgeting and paying his way.

When I first moved out of home I was earning about £1,000 a month and paid £250 in rent for a room in a shared house, plus bills, so I think he's actually getting a really good deal!

If he doesn't think so get the local paper and get him to look at the cost of renting a 1 bed flat or room in a shared house and work out what he'd be paying if he moved out.