Should I provide ex with uniform?

[proudmum70]

My ex pays me an amount worked out by the CSA.

The other dayshe demanded me to ensure our son hs a school uniform in his bag. Normally he has our son every other weekend - he would get him picked up from school - therfore in uniform. The other day it was a non-uniform day and therefore on the Monday had to take him to school. He had a right go at me for not giving him his school uniform. Is that reasonable?

What happens when it comes to school trips - should I ask for half the money? The £200 a month helps but does not go near covering everything, but I don't know how I am going to pay for all those trips coming up as he gets older.

I don't think you should provide your ex with a uniform but I do think you should provide your ds with one.
Sounds like point scoring to me and your ds is the one who will suffer.

The CSA figure is what they are legally obliged to spend on their child, do any mothers spend the bare minimum the law would stimulate on our child's well being and happiness, no we do not, we go without ourselves before the child/ren misses out.
I would want everything split down the middle, trips, school related activities etc.
My solicitor has always said ask the question, appeal to his better nature (ha fucking ha).
You can always ask, you might not like the answer though.

if you dont think YABU then why did you bother posting here?

Most ex's do NOT keep spare uniform at theirs .... unless it truly is 50:50 shared care so the uniform would get a good wearing. Expecting the ex to buy shoes and trousers because you didn't want to pop them in a bag for your son (as a means of getting revenge on your ex) only serves to make someone who may already be hostile even more so .... and to place your child in a very uncomfortable position. Completely unnecessarily.

I was a single mum for 9 years and oh boy - did I have reasons to gripe with my ex. However, I NEVER used my son as some sort of weapon to get back at him and always packed sufficient and suitable clothes for my son when he saw his dad, so that he (my son) was properly dressed. After all, I had already bought those things ... it cost me nothing to send them along.

By contrast, we have endured several years of my partner's ex sending NO clothes at all for my stepchildren .... even down to dressing them (obviously they couldn't be sent naked) in the most useless things possible such as flip flops and summer dresses in the winter, so no use could be made of the things they stood up in. Therefore - for very intermittent contact (that's a whole other story) we have been forced to spend god knows how much on every last little thing a child needs - things which were often only used a handful of times (if that) before the seasons changed and/or they outgrew them. A totally wicked and utterly unnecessary waste of money which could have been better spent in a 1000 different ways ..... and I can assure you, FWIW, that my partner has been a model father, as much as he's been allowed to be.

Apart from the financial impact on us, the impact on the children has also been very noticeable. Perhaps that was part of the "plan" ? .... but clearly, they have felt very uncomfortable, literally (shivering with cold for example) and emotionally, turning up with no clothes and dressed in rubbish. The fact their mother is extracting some kind of revenge on their dad (I honestly don't know what for, apart from the fact she stepped up all the games once DP got together with me ... but think it could have been anyone, just didn't want anyone else to have him) certainly wasn't lost on them. As they got older, we've also had quite some conflict because we simply can't afford to buy all the "right" clothes the children want ... clothes that are sitting doing nothing in their wardrobe.

Oh .... and over the years DP has paid 10s of 1000s more

(oops)

...... in maintenance than he "should" have done via the CSA, so there's no excuse for the whole clothes (or lack of) debacle.

I appreciate your story isn't the same, but wanted to point out the effect that this tit for tat stuff can have on kids. I had a pain in the bum ex but my priority was always to try and protect his self esteem by not badmouthing my ex or making it clear I had any issues with him in front of our son. Kids place great store on who their parents are .. what child wants to hear or see that either parent is crap .... but that's the message your son could well get if you set his dad up for a fall by not sending the clothes he needs. It's far far better to maintain the moral high ground and be beyond criticism with things like this. If your ex is a shit, your son will find out eventually after all.

Personally I would've asked the ex beforehand if he had anything suitable for your DS to wear to school beforehand rather than to assume that he would. Then if he said No then I would've made sure he had something.

To be honest I feel terrible for the Ds in this as it must've been embarrassing for him to go to school not in the correct uniform and I'd never put my Dc in that situation when it could've been easily avoided by either just passing on the correct uniform (just in case) or just asking the Ex or Ds if they had a uniform there.

Yes, you should have sent uniform- or at least phoned to see if your ex had a set available. But if your son was due to arrive back to you in his uniform, it is an obvious conclusion that the easiest thing to do would be to send it with him.

What unfitmother said.

agree with the others about the uniform.

Happymumofone - how old is your DC?

I only ask as when DC are still young at school - then the school trips are relatively cheap. As they get older they get more expensive.

I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP to ask the father if he would contribute towards the bigger trips but I do think it's unreasonable to demand it.

omg - i can't believe you sent him with no uniform! i would be mortified if i'd forgotten to pack uniform. was your son ok?