I honestly don't know but I need to know if IBU as I am having a conversation with my friend tonight and I have a tendancy to apologise and take the blame even when I'm not in the wrong.
I am getting married next year and have three bridesmaids (we'll call them A, B, and C).
A = friend from school, still in my home town, DD same age as mine, we are very close and have been since the age of 11
B = also friend from school but we went to uni together and because very close then. She has always taken on the 'important friend' role i.e. she is my DDs godmother, organised my baby shower etc.
C= Friend from work who I also lived with for a few years, have known her 7 years. Amazing friend who really looked after me during some tough times. She is also the only unmarried and single one. I have an inkling that B doesn't like C, although she has never actually said this. B did, however, tell me when I first got engaged that she thought her and C would fall out over my hen do planning as they have very different ideas. This has stressed me out a bit as I don't want warring bridesmaids.
SO anyway I was initally going to ask C to be head bridesmaid but I didn't as I knew B would be upset. I am probably quite protective of her, and hate upsetting B because she has had to deal with a lot of shit, still does, and hasn't been very well (being vague on purpose). So I tried to keep it all equal.
My dad has been crap towards me for a long time and this has really come to the forefront since getting engaged. I've been really upset over him doing the whole traditional father role, and after him telling me 'I don't know what I'd say about you in a speech' I have decided to stop worrying about it and to not involve him in that way. I'm very hurt by this (there is obv a lot of other back story to this, too long to go into).
I decided I want C to take the HB role and to do a speech instead of my father, and to sit at the table with me. She is used to public speaking and is great at it. It also means a lot to me to involve her in that way as I know she would have loved to be DDs godmother and I wanted to do something special for her now.
On Thursday I emailed the other two explaining about my dad (they already knew the situation) and saying I had asked C to take on the HB role. Said they are all my best friends, I love them equally, but I really want C in that role on the day for extra support. I also said she'll take the lead on the hen do but that I want them all to plan it together.
I must admit, it didn't cross my mind it was bad to send this by email, I was quite upset and just wanted to let them know. I received a reply by A saying she thought it was a good idea as C would be fab, and she totally understands. She thinks the email was fine as it wasn't a huge deal.
I've heard nothing from B. I didn't really realise until the next day when I realise she hadn't replied to that or a couple of other texts and also messages I'd posted in reply to things on FB, although she had replied to other people on there. So I called and left a message for her to call me. Nothing.
I've sent other friendly and normal texts and messages and still nothing. I don't think I'm in the wrong so didnt want to chase her, but last night after crying to DP for ages I emailed her again. I said at the beginning I was emailing as I am no good on the phone when upset and wanted to make sure it came out right. Also, it's because she hasn't responded to my phone calls or texts. I just basically said how upset I am that she can behave this way and that I don't understand why being my bridesmaid and DDs godmother isn't enough for her.
She messaged me this morning saying we should speak on the phone later (I'm at work at mo) as email is not proper communication.
Fine, I do understand her point about email. I wanted to let her know how I feel as I am so hurt by being ignored by one of my best friends.
As an aside (and not only because of this issue), DP and I have decided to see if we can get our venue deposit back and sow e can get married on holiday. None of this seems worth the hassle or stupid amounts of money any more.
So AIBU for being angry at being completely ignored over this, or is friend B justified in behaving this way. Be gentle, I'm at work and very upset. FWIW I do know how childish this all seems!