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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to ban sleepovers

16 replies

slugz · 25/09/2010 13:42

Ds is 14 and occasionally has mates over, every couple of months or something. I know the deal, they'll buy crap food, sweets etc, get little sleep but I turn a blind eye as long as they're no hassle, and it's only occasionally.
So last night he has a friend over who's been here a couple of times before. I'm quite chuffed because he's the quietest friend he's got. Literally as soon as the mate gets here ds morphs into a 6yr old. I don't know what's going on but he's bouncing on the sofa, using a silly voice to talk to me, running around screeching and excitedly shouting about the simpsons as if it were a new thing that no-one had ever seen before. No sweets have been eaten at this point. His friend obviously thinks it's a bit odd too because he keeps giving him strange looks and appears to try to get him to calm down. I literally haven't seen him this manic for at least 7-8 years and he certainly doesn't usually get this excited when friends are around.
I go to cook dinner, give the friend a few options of what I could do. He refuses all of them and insists he doesn't need any dinner. I'm aware that he has various health problems and has been hospitalised 3 times recently so I'm not happy with him eating nothing. I cook sausage, chips and peas in the hope that he'll partake in 'easy' food, he then proceeds to eat twice what anyone else has in about ten seconds flat, as if he's not eaten for a month.
They disappear to ds' bedroom, all is quiet. They're on the xbox. I go to bed at about 10.30 and hear nothing all night (the main thing I guess), I'm woken at 7am by revving sounds of engines belonging to motorbike game on xbox. I'm annoyed because I expected them to have settled down late so wouldn't have expected them to be up until mid morning. I usually have to get up at 6am for work on a Saturday. I only have a day off today because dh has had to go away with his work and I've got my first Sat off in about a year. When I see ds I ask what time they went to sleep to get up at that time. They've not been to bed at all they just played xbox with the sound off all night and thought that 7am was a good time to turn the sound back on. It woke his sisters up too who I'd put to bed at 10pm last night to maximise my chances of a lie-in, now I have 2 grumpy girls all day.
The friend has refused all offers of breakfast and lunch.
They eventually pulled themselves away from the xbox and went to the beach. They've both fallen in the sea and have come back for dry clothes. The friend doesn't have any with him so I tell ds to lend him some. He refuses to wear anything but jeans, both ds' pairs are on the line, also wet. There are lots of trackies he could wear, he won't. He's now sat around the house shivering in his soaked jeans. He's very pale and thin anyway and he just looks awful but he won't listen to either me or ds pleas for him to get changed.
It really shouldn't be this stressful.

OP posts:
bigchris · 25/09/2010 13:45

Relax!!

For goodness sake you slept from 10.30 til 7am! How much sleep do you need?

You should enjoy the quiet while they're out

and your ds will sleep well tonight

it's the weekend , chill a bit!

Tortington · 25/09/2010 13:49

you got sleep thats the main thnbg

but i didn't do sleepovers fro friends on the whole becuase its a fucking nightmare

pooka · 25/09/2010 13:50
Confused

Agree with previous poster. You were in bed from 10.30pm to 7am? That's great.

Am a bit surprised that you kept your other 2 up so late in order to get a lie in. But then that's never been the case with my children - even if they're up late they rarely sleep beyond 7.30am at the latest.

SleepingLion · 25/09/2010 13:52

I agree with bigchris: no sympathy here! It's amazing that they were quiet for all that time - an undisturbed night from 10.30 - 7? Sounds like bliss to me!

So yes, YABU, you need to relax, enjoy the weekend (and maybe get a bit of perspective/sense of humour??)

slugz · 25/09/2010 13:53

Yeah, don't get me wrong I know I'm lucky about the sleep, but the girls are a nightmare today because they had less than usual.
I'm more annoyed/worried at having to look after a 14yr old who has been ill a LOT, who refuses to eat, sleep, or change out of wet clothes.

OP posts:
bigchris · 25/09/2010 13:54

Yes I wouldn't bother having him over again

Chandon · 25/09/2010 15:30

yanbu, it`s mad and annoying.

DandyDan · 25/09/2010 16:27

YABU. Sounds like an absolutely fine sleepover to me. You got all the sleep you needed, the boys are essentially fine, if a little damp. As long as he isn't salt-staining your sofa, he'll be okay. And he's eaten, so he's not starving. And they've had fun and not been noisy at inappropriate times. what more could you want?

slugz · 25/09/2010 16:57

I'm now stuck with the additional problem that I've come back in having popped to the shops to find them both asleep, and I can't wake either of them.

I initially tried to wake up ds who was asleep on the sofa because I couldn't find his friend. I literally couldn't wake ds up but on further inspection found friend curled up in the gap between the bed and the wall under a pile of duvets and pillows. I've not tried to wake him really but he's supposed to be being picked up in an hour so not sure what I'm going to do if his parents turn up and he's as unwakable as ds.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/09/2010 17:00

bloody xbox is all i can say!!!

were they playing xbox live??

proudnglad · 25/09/2010 17:14

Damn. I was interested in this as I hate sleepovers but your op is so feckin long I can't be arsed!

Myleetlepony · 25/09/2010 19:34

You literally couldn't wake them up? Seiously? What happened when the boy's parents turned up?

You sound a bit passive in all of this to be honest. If you want to set some ground rules for sleepovers then do so. They could include bringing a change of clothing.

slugz · 25/09/2010 19:47

Yes, very passive, has not been a problem before. They're good kids in the main, usually they've ate some crap, watched TV, played computer, played monopoly, eventually flaked out. They've never managed an all nighter.
I clearly need some ground rules now. What time is reasonable to tell them lights out on a sleepover? Also, it didn't occur to me that someone would refuse to wear tracksuit bottoms. Living near the sea this sort of thing happens all the time and none of the other lads are ever bothered.
The other lad woke up about half an hour later and was collected. My ds is stiiillll asleep. I can't move him.
Sorry proudnglad for long op, was in full on rant mode.

OP posts:
Blu · 25/09/2010 19:51

I haven't got a 14 yo yet, but have been around when my 14 yo neices and nephews have - and my SILs and DB are very pro-active in making them go to bed at some stage - removing x-boxes, issuing threats etc.

The ability to do that seems to expire when they are about 15.5 and think they are 16, so if I were you I would enjoy the right to act like a parent-in-charge while you still can!

I'd be really cross if I collected DS from a sleepover and found that he had been allowed to stay awake all night.

slugz · 25/09/2010 19:56

I know, I'm really embarrassed.
I totally have gone to settle people down if the noise carries on too late, but that has rarely happened. Usually the door is ajar and you can see they've gone to sleep, sometimes surprisingly early.
Last night I heard nothing, his bedroom is next to mine in a paper-thin walls HA house. I thought they must have actually slept quite a lot.

OP posts:
Heracles · 26/09/2010 10:14

Once you start playing games you really can go all night. Sounds perfectly normal behaviour for a pair of 14 year old boys (ie brainless eating, shouting, shitting machines). Smile

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