Probably am but fed up!

[laumiere]

I've been married to DH for 4 years, and we have 2 kids. He became friends with a woman through FB about 2 years ago, and they met up for drinks a few times (with my knowledge and blessing).

Each time she has made it clear she either wants an affair or for DH to leave his family (he has been completely straight with her and says it will never happen but says when she's not on about that she's good company). She has to date, lied to him, spread rumours that he's having an affair with another friend of ours, been jealous and possessive and convinced her boyfriend that she and my DH were having sex the night our second child was born (they weren't).

DH is a stay at home carer and is dependent on FB and his group of friends to be sociable, so he's not happy at losing any friends without a good reason and tends to give people a lot of chances, whereas I don't.

He stopped speaking to her for 9 months after last incident (at my request) but have recently started talking again and DH is very keen for her and me to be friends, or at least tolerate each other so that he can continue to be friends with her and I DON'T WANT TO! I don't want to be the bigger person here, I don't want this woman anywhere near my family. I have complete faith in DH to be completely faithful, but I just don't want her in my life or my children's lives, and preferably not in DH's either!

I am being U right?

YANBU. This woman wants to come between you and your DH as she wants him for herself. Of course you don't want to befriend her and be the bigger person. Your DH shouldn't be bac in touch with her again!

OP, suggest you have a chat with dh to see what is really going on and how he feels about life in general atm. Suspect this woman has nothing to do with it and she's the symptom rather than the cause IYSWIM.

Best of luck.

I have lots of male friends but I would discontinue immediately friendship with someone what wanted me to have an affair or undermine my relationship or my partner, (unless of course I was somehow interested or even titilated by the interest - though I couldn't image this at present time).

YANBU & your partner is being rather DIM (I'm being kind) I'm afraid.

spiritmum will try but at the moment DH is upset as he interprets my reticence as 'I don't trust you' when it's more 'I REALLY don't like her!'

mojo I think I've been in MN too long, I just sat for 10 min trying to work out what DIM stands for!

sorry Laumiere - I did think after I posted CAPS might not have been the best idea

Laumiere, why is your dh upset with you? If someone was going around saying that I was sleeping with them I'd be so offended they'd be out of my life. So why isn't your dh?

It isn't reasonable for you to be happy about this friendship continuing. I really think there is more going on here which may or may not have anything to do with the woman but your dh is playing with fire and he must know that. Maybe he just needs some kind of reassurance from you or maybe he is looking for validation as a man outside his marriage (not by having an affair but by encouraging a bit of hero worship) or maybe he's bored. Maybe another hundred scenarios, who knows? But the fact that he is so defensive is a bit of a flag, given this woman's unacceptable behaviour.

Am stunned