to believe there are always 2 sides to a story

[cumfy]

When someone tells me a tale of their recent woes/incidents/disputes w others, I invariably find myself wondering:

Hmmm, but what would the other person be saying ?

I feel this is entirely natural, but, for instance, on a recent AIBU thread many people seem to be of the opinion that being curious to the version of the other person is tantamount to labelling the original account as lies:

this thread is about the OP, she is the Original Poster after all.... we must presume everyone is telling the truth, otherwise what is the point?

Cannot believe OP being called a bitch, having her story made out to be lies

So are there always 2 sides to the story or am I missing something ?

Generally, who do you believe and why ?

Local Authority Professional isn't that an official oxymoron ? :o

starlight you live in Oxymoron?

I think there's a theory that says when people are wondering why someone's behaved the way they have, they interpret that behaviour as the other persons personality trait.

But when they're explaining their own behaviour in the situation, they believe it's because of the environment they're in rather than the person they are.

So a person may see themselves as acting in a nasty way which was provoked by the situation they were in, but the other person is being unreasonable because they're a nasty person.

I suppose this would explain why there are the two sides (at least I hope it will or I'm just spouting unrelated shite...and with every glass I drink this is entirely possible )

Sorry starlight, was what you were saying that LAPs are recruited on the basis of their blinkered polar mindsets ?

This place shold be called "Munternet" because it's full of them! Cumfy...you are talking about the thread I hid aren't you?

Please correct me if I am wrong.

Anenome

Yes, the quotes are from your thread.

Please don't take it personally, I'm just trying to make a general point.

"Please don't take it personally"

Quite an ask since it quotes some nasty things said about me...but whatever...make your points.

I'll go and do something else I think.

Does it ...... really ?

Certainly not by me.

And no, I'm not talking about your thread specifically.

Have you killed your own thread cumfy?

cumfy

Sorry, I was actually thinking about my life. My mum likes to lie about me so I'm sure there are lots of people out there who think ill of me for things that never happened. OTOH, there are things she did to me which she doesn't remember, so if you were to ask for her opinion of something that happened she would say it did not happen or give a different version of events which she genuinely believes to be true.

She is mentally ill, but not dx, as she doesn't believe in mentall illness.

The point is, if you tried to get the two sides of a story about us - 2 sides would be presented, but one version would have an interesting delusional slant. If one of us were to post on MN, you would have no idea if we were the sane, or delusional party but would have to take what the OP says to be true, because even if the other came along to refute you would have no idea which party was telling the truth.

Hope that is clear. Don't know if it is, sorry!

The point was that it is pointless trying to find out which PoV is 'correct' unless there are obvious flaws, because you just end up going in circles and suspecting everyone.

If you work in a court of law, then you need to consider all sides of a story. If you are a poster on MN, then you are advising the OP and only need to consider her version of events. There is no point challenging the facts as presented by the OP, but there is a point in challenging the OP's perspective on the facts which can be a bit skewed, if it is about SILs for example.

Quite possibly Agent, quite possibly. But you must have made me do it!! :o

I believe its termed the Fundamental Attribution Error

It is fundamental attribution error cumfy, but you can't possibly expect me to pronounce that after what I've drunk

And I totally refute the accusation that I made you do it...I can't think of a reason work out why though...

laweaselmys
I see now. :)

But, I think you can get more information from 2 accounts. A bit like taking photographs of the same thing from 2 different angles.

Yes, it might get confusing if there are 2 equally coherent and plausible, yet different accounts. But surely thats half the fun.

Do people really accept your DM's accounts without thinking to ask you ?

Hmm. I've just seen Anenome's thread and it wasn't the sort of thing I thought this thread was about. The incident in that thread was pretty straightforward and I don't really see why people started speculating that she wasn't telling the truth. The sort of threads where speculation is warranted are the threads where nothing adds up. I can see why people were saying that there is no point doubting the OP in that thread - there was a fair bit of spite in that thread and I suspect the accusations were just more unpleasantness rather than genuine doubt for a genuine reason.

I did not call anenome a liar. I just pointed out her version of revents were skewed in her favour .surely anyone with ounce of commonsense have to take that into account. Also memory plays tricks and we tend to remember what we want to as well,playing down our behaviour and enhancing others. It just seems odd to me that an assistanr that probably see lots of toddlers in mands every day many of whom are probably being noisy chose to pick on ops DD. The DD obviously wasn't even upset by it as the op made no mention of DDs reaction. The whole thing es a. Non event except for ops ott reaction ie complaining t to head office

cumfy some people have worked it out! But she is very intelligent and good at seeming reasonable, so I think there are definately some fence sitting people. Sadly including my dad and sister, but there you go.

It was interesting that you mentioned villifying people, because I think when you are angry with somebody about specific events I think you do naturally block out good things they have done so that you can keep the anger going, confront and resolve things. But if things are never resolved then you keep up an image of them that's unfairly harsh in some ways.

I'm definately prepared to hold up my hands to that. If my mum won't accept mental health help I'm not prepared to forgive her for things she's done while in the depths of it, though I would from someone who was trying to get help.

laweaselmys

Seems more like a personality disorder. Her behaviour seems highly "instrumental".

Can you figure out her ultimate motives ?

In response to the OP, there are two sides to every story and then there's the truth.

Like someone else said, people can give you their account of an incident, but another person who was there would probably give a different one. It's all down to interpretation.

i think there are three sides to a story,the one telling it,the one being talked about and the truth

however if someone posts something on MN,they definately want help,and its always nice to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that what they say is thier truth and try to help them on that,