to insist my son spends his birthday money on replacement PE kit

[Snorbs]

My DS has managed to lose his entire PE kit from secondary school. It appears that he didn't bother to put it in his school locker as he was supposed to, he just left it on top of the row of lockers. And I only found out about it, by chance, a week after it went missing. That means he lost it all within a mere two weeks of starting at secondary school(!)

Coincidentally he's just had his birthday and got £70 in birthday money. It will cost at least that to replace everything.

So, WIBU to insist he spends his birthday money on replacing the kit? We don't have much spare cash at the moment so if I financed the replacement kit myself then it will mean tightened belts for the next couple of months.

I'm so pissed off that he was a) so careless in the first place, b) that he tried to conceal it from me, and c) has only started trying to find it now I've got on his case about it I thought he was smarter than that.

Skyrg,
In short, surely if its about responsibility, camera-woman should be setting a good role model (imagine she is PE-kitboy's mum), by accepting appropriate degree of responsibility for careless acts.

No cumfy, because the careless act was not hers, it was her husband's. His camera, he should put it in a safe place. My mum's pretty protective of her camera, and if she puts it anywhere near anyone she always lets them know, just so they don't knock it over or whatever.

My point is that responsibility in camera case is with the husband.

Unfortunately in the camera case we don't seem to know all the details.

Perhaps part of DH's anger is because he felt that the camera had been placed on the coat in full-view of OP.

Cumfy, we don't know all the details here either, some people have suggested there may be other reasons for the boy losing his PE kit. We can only go on what we know, otherwise this becomes ridiculous.

The OP claims she couldn't see the camera, I have no reason to disbelieve this. Even if he thought the camera was in her view, he should have told her. Very few people check over a coat before they pick it up. A glance might not have been enough to see it.

Skyrg, I would like to think if I had sent someones camera "flying" in similar circumstances, I would want to go halves with them.

the other point is that replacing the camera will be coming out of their joint finances.. not so in the case of the missing kit.

1. Where else, will ultimate cash for kit come from ?

1. Perhaps they don't have "joint finances"

I should imagine, as Bright said, that they would be paying for it jointly, since they're both adults.
I don't think the OP is at all responsible in that case, I think if the husband loves his camera that much, he should have been more careful. You suggesting 'going halves' suggests you don't think the OP was entirely responsible either, however most agree that the boy was entirely responsible in this case.

Also, in that case, the OP described £60 as 'not much', whereas in this case the OP seems to think £70 is a lot of money. Perhaps a financial difference?

I think in the camera case, the post was more about the immature reaction of her husband. They were both adults.
Who was financially responsible didn't really seem to be an issue.

In this case, it's the financial responsibility that is the important thing (as well as the boy's reaction).

The camera was bought by the husband, or jointly as a couple, and then broken through his carelessness.

The PE kit was bought by the parents, for the son, who then lost it through his carelessness.

With the camera, they can choose to buy another one as a couple, or not, if they decide they don't need it.

With the kit, the boy needs it, so his parents have to provide him with one, therefore they have to go to the expense of buying him another one. The OP is debating asking the boy to contribute to this.

I do understand many of the points you are making Skyrg.

Again in short:

Personally I believe both of them are culpable to the tune of £20 or so.
Given this apparent parity, it is the discrepancy between poster responses in the 2 threads that intrigues me.

Remember the thief is probably at home laughing his socks off at this thread.

He (if kit was stolen) is the responsible party not DS.

It seems the camera will be replaced and consequently the 2 cases are comparable.

We don't know whether they have joint or seperate finances, and in any case .

I know what you're saying, but I think the differences I've mentioned are the reasons for the different responses.
To simplify, people see the boy to blame in this thread, but the husband to blame in the other thread. In the other thread, people see the OP as accidentally causing damage through no fault of her own, then being blamed for it. In this thread, they see a careless boy causing expense to his parents.
I'm not agreeing or disagreeing to any of that, just summarising what I think people see.

Of course the thief would be responsible if there was one, but it's also possible it's just been moved to another place. Either way, it could have been avoided had the boy done what he was supposed to, and put the kit in his locker. I don't think the OP is unreasonable, so if it had been stolen from his locker I'm sure she would never have blamed him, it's the carelessness of not ensuring the property was safe which is causing the reaction from posters (and the OP).

I think they're comparable in some ways, but I think the differences mean that different responses are to be expected.

Out of interest, why do you believe both are culpable for about £20? Seems a bit of a random number.

But in the camera one she did cause the damage (but teh husband was reckless).in the PE kit one the thief caused the damage but the boy was reckless.

my mum and dad employed a system whenever something like this happened or if me or my brother had a school trip. they set up a chart where chores earned an amount of money (eg. washing up = £1, washing car = £5 etc). however much was owed had to be earned back within a set amount of time. we learned our lessons about losing stuff but also provided discipline and money management skills that have stood us in good stead.

maybe worth a try.

i don't want my kids to think they should get paid for cleaning the house they live in!!