Complaint re. dentist - draft letter - sorry it's long!

[ravenousbugblatterbeast]

I took DS (7) to the dentist yesterday, details as below. I accept he is PFB, and maybe there are lots of 5 year old girls who don't cry having the same procedure (as DS was repeatedly told by the harpies dental technicians), but DS was and is really upset - AIBU in complaining in these terms to the surgery, if only to ensure that actions are explained before they're embarked on, which is most of the problem here...?

I am writing further to my son?s visit to your practice on Thursday 23rd September, at 10:15am.

DS had complained of a sore tooth at the end of July, and I had brought him in to see Mr C (our regular family dentist), on 27th July. DS is naturally shy and nervous, but he allowed Mr C to look at the tooth . I had shamefacedly mentioned to Mr C that I thought I could see a "hole" in the tooth, but he didn't say anything about that. It appeared that the tooth, which was wobbly, and got some food stuck under it, there was an infection, and he prescribed antibiotics.. Mr C just said that nothing needed to happen urgently, but that it would be useful to go for some "therapy" to a dental technician. The earliest convenient appointment was 23rd September. I hoped the tooth would have been well out by then, but after the infection went away, the tooth seems to have reset itself and is no longer wobbly and although a little tender wasn't bothering DS.

When we attended on 23rd September, DS walked up the stairs ahead of me, very nervous. The ladies in the treatment room tried to make small talk, one introduced herself as T, but I don't know what she was - a dentist, technician or what. I explained he was very nervous, and got distressed having his feet measured for new shoes (!) and managed to persuade him to lie down on the chair - only the second time he's done that. T said "it'll just be a bit of filler" ? I thought I must have misheard, as she couldn't possibly be suggesting a filling, she took a quick look in his mouth, and I tried to calm DS down, drying his eyes, reassuring him, and holding his arms down away from his mouth. When I next looked up, there was some bloodstained cotton wool in DS's mouth, and over the next few minutes T appeared to have "unhinged" the tooth on one side, as it seemed to be flipped up in his mouth, and I presume was "cleaning out" underneath it.

DS was extremely distressed, crying and moving about, and he eventually managed to say that it was "painful". This was met with disdain from T and the other lady present, who just said "of course it doesn't hurt" and talked curtly to DS telling him to be quiet and calm down. I appreciate he was upset, but this was totally unexpected, both to him and to me, and quite frankly looking back I feel it could be construed as an assault, as there was no explanation of what would happen, no permission was asked, and indeed I was not asked to sign any forms at the end, which led me to think that perhaps the actions were not appropriate. (Before anyone gets too upset, I appreciate "assault" is a little OTT and will probably take it out of the letter, but I genuinely don't think the actions were appropriate, and I am guilt-stricken by having let them go ahead... )

After a short while of telling DS to be quiet, the other lady produced some white paste, which I presume was the fluoride filler. T told DS he had to stay still to keep the area dry, he was by this time beyond listening, but he did try. She proceeded to stick some of this paste into DS's mouth, then said that it wasn't dry enough and probably wouldn't work, but might hold until the tooth came out.

DS then got up, and while I cuddled him T started explaining that this way was far better than taking the tooth out - quite frankly this is unbelievable, as at least an extraction would involve a modicum of anaesthetic and pain relief, rather than the heavy handed yanking about of DS's tooth which had just happened.

DS now refuses to go back to the dentist, and told me today that he can't stop thinking about the "filling". I feel that this is a really bad start to his dental health "journey". Your surgery is supposed to specialise in treating anxious patients - your member of staff's actions have just created another one...

I don't like all the detail - I think you should just leave it to what they actually said to him and that it didn't seem sensitive enough considering they specialise in dealing with anxious patients.

I also think you have to have a chat with him about how some medical things aren't pleasant but they are for his good health - promise a treat afterwards, that kind of thing.

Agree with Laurie, at the moment it sounds very emotional which could mean it is not taken as seriously, looking like it is from an over-anxious mum. Stick to the facts, tell them why you are unhappy and remove the word assault.

I hope your DS is feeling better.

Thanks (for your comments as well as for actually reading that tome!) I know I'm being over-anxious... It was just that I couldn't even have promised him a treat for afterwards as I thought it was "therapy", not a full on filling... Will know better for next time, if I can persuade him back in!
Gah!

I agree with the other comments - all the detail about him walking ahead of you and shoe measuring and stuff is a distraction from the real issues which are:

Your seven-year-old son experienced very unsympathetic and rough treatment which has left him extremely anxious, to the point of refusing to reattend the practice.

You selected the practice based on its claim of specialising in treatment of anxious patients. You told the staff that your son was anxious prior to the treatment however:

1. No-one explained the treatment or told him/you what would happen
2. There was no attempt to reassure your son and when he complained of pain this was dismissed.
3. The technician's manner was very abrupt and she repeatedly told your son to "be quiet" and make remarks like "of course it doesn't hurt"
4. What should have been a routine procedure left your son crying and terrified.

Close with what you want to happen - retraining? Apology? Explanation?

Anyway I sympathise, it sounds like they were out of their depth and unnecessarily rough.

It sounds like the surgery need better communication and to follow better the procedures they (should) have in place. Stick to these points in a concise, unemotion and factual way, and they will take you more seriously, even though in essence YANBU to be upset about the way it all panned out.

I'd just make the simple point that he said it hurt and they told him he was being silly and it didn't.

That on its own is unacceptable. He's 7 ffs, if he wants to say it hurts let him say so and reassure him!

TSC - I didn't really have a chance to set DS up as a nervous wreck, they should have seen he was upset even lying down on the chair, and should have explained themselves better. It's the lack of communication I'm really aggrieved at, I was right next to DS chivvying him along and trying to clam him down, not realising they were effectively taking his tooth half out.

TYV - that's exactly what I need to say, thanks!

You must complain though and I tend to agree with Laurie and Serendippy.

I hated the dentist as a child and vividly remember jumping out of the dentists chair and running away via a packed waiting room into a busy high street with the dental nurses, dentist and my mother careering after me. This was all because the chat was between the professionals that they were going to remove more teeth (they were hopelessly overcrowded)there and then. It was horrible.

Both my kids have the same problem but when we visit the dentist I make sure that before even the kids have opened their mouths, all of us are fully up to speed with what is going to happen.

Things have changed considerably in the world of dentistry since I was a child so there is no excuse for poor communication today.

I know it is really difficult these days but as well as lodging your complaint maybe it would be worth moving dental practice. I would if just to reinforce to your son that dentists are not so bad after all - it may take a while, it certainly did with me.

Good luck.

Slightly off the point of the thread here but DS2 (8) had a bad experience at the dentist a few weeks ago when an extraction hurt a lot.
He needed to go back for another one (overcrowded mouth) and despite many manly chats about how things might need to hurt etc, the dentist was unable to do it at all as DS just went to pieces.
So next week we are paying £££ to have it done privately at a sedation clinic which I am somewhat nervous about.
But I don't want to have to do this every time he needs some treatment. And it's hard to know how to help him out of what has become fear of the dentist.

my dentist was an ogre to my son too,in the end he wouldnt treat him said he cried to much and any more probs would have to go to hospital to have tooth removed.6 days later stupid filling fell out,ds in agony-hes 6.had to take him 20 miles to a special dental surgery to have it removed under general anasethic.bloody nightmare.

I was a dental nurse for over 10 years before children and although I totally understand just how distressing this must have been for you and for your DS(no dentist or nurse should ever do any treatment on a patient without discussing with them exactly what will be done)I agree with the others who in that the letter is somewhat emotional. If you want to make a complaint then it is best to stick to the facts and to state what you want to happen next.

I wouldn't have thought things have changed that much since I last worked in a dental practice so just to put your mind at rest a bit there is no way the dentist could have "unhinged" the tooth so that it flipped up in his mouth...it might have looked like that but its just not possible to do. If that had happened the tooth would have needed to be extracted. We used to do loads of "fillings" on baby teeth without numbing them up first...if the decay is just in the enamel and not any deeper it's actually not painful and should just feel a bit ticklish which is far less traumatic than having a huge needle to numb for something which should take 5 mins...BUT we always explained that first.

Finally and just to agree with thesecondcoming most children are actually far better off in the dentist chair/hospital etc without a parent there (and Im saying this as a mum as well).

I actually fully agree with 'thesecondcoming' (which is unusal)

I agree with your sentiments, but all of the backstory and lots of the rest of it just distracts from your main message. Redraft it, and make sure you do complain.

Thanks all. I rang the surgery, and the head dentist, who we usually see, has asked me to go in on Monday. I'll nail myself down to the specifics you've all highlighted and get it sorted.

Ihearttc - thanks for your technical opinion, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, so presumably I was wrong, it would have helped to have been told something!

The head dentist has actually just rung me, he'll talk to T when she's back at work (next Weds!) and let me know what she says. I stuck to your my facts, think it came across ok, so thanks all for your input. He made a point of saying that HE would see DS next time if anything further needs doing, which is fine - DS needs to realise that dental work has to be done, but it can be a little more, shall we say, inclusive...! I get your points re. (not) having me there, and partly agree, but genuinely don't think DS would let me out of the room. Maybe DH'll have to take him..