To not do a Christmas dinner this year ?

[mamatomany]

We have a big roast most Sundays on beef and the trimmings, that's the only meat i like so i don't bother with a turkey anyway.
My MIL always makes a big fussy about how she'll pay for ALL the food and drink and then gives us £50 to cover three adults and three kids, ie about a third of what it actually costs lol.
To be fair DH does a lot of the cooking on the day but we will have a 6 month old baby this year, all the usual commitments, Church, school stuff etc by the time the actual day comes around I like the idea of bunging a couple of pizzas in the oven and then having a nice cheese cake for pudding.
What do you think, will the world stop turning if I bow out ?
The alternative is to eat out but that will cost over £200 and MIL thinks she will be paying for it, but her contribution doesn't and I haven't the heart to ask.

Boning the turkey does make it much easier to carve but it takes sooooo long. I did it a couple of times when I was a teenager. Fine if you like a challenge and you've got the afternoon free on Christmas Eve but these days I have more interesting things to do with my life.

The world won't stop turning if you don't do a roast on Christmas day but how will the rest of the family feel about it? Some people are stupid about having a "proper" Christmas dinner, despite the current traditional dinner being a fairly modern invention. It sounds like your MiL might be one of these people so what sort of backlash will you get?

Indeed - it all comes down to time or money! And it is a lot of work.

She might not come again nocake
I don't know tbh, DH might be so upset he does it all himself
I am getting the distinct impression we now have too many children for MIL to enjoy our company so it might be she says she wants to stay home anyway. She is the only nearby relative so nobody else to worry about.

Personally I'd be happy with Pizza for christmas lunch but if you want it to be Christmassy I'd definitely go for a buffet. You can prepare it all in advance and/or buy most of it pre-prepared.

DS2 was born in mid-November, so the year he was born I told DH I was doing ready meals for Xmas dinner! We had microwaved curry, it was fab! DS1 was only 20months and we had the day to ourselves so it was great not to have to make a huge effort.

When the GDDs were born, I found it hard having to cook a huge meal, and play with them. I gave up cooking turkey and now have beef.

I cook it in advance and slice it, I then put it a nice gravy and freeze it, on the day I can just pop it in the oven.

I roast the potatoes in olive oil and some of the fat from the beef. These can be frozen and cooked from frozen on the day, it makes them nice and crispy. Yorkshire puddings made in advance and frozen.

I think it is sad to spend all day in the kitchen, when I could be with the LOs

Although I started doing this for Christmas I now do it every time I make a roast beef dinner, one for now and one for later.

Since I have been with H-4.5 years, we have spent Christmas Day with his mother and stepfather and various extended family members either at her house, their holiday home or (once) in a restaurant. TBH-I love it! (not least because she is a Cordon Bleu cook, and used to hostessing for the masses as her late husband was an Ambassador for Shell!)

I am a perfectionist and find entertaining stressful-the planning, prep and attention to detail I find myself going to, is way OTT. I just can't help myself. These days, I much prefer to be a considerate guest-rock up with lovely presents, drink and a food contribution of some kind, alongside offering to pitch in.

I did want to have Christmas just H and I and invite my grown up twin sons and their gf's this year, but as I will be 8.5 months pregnant, I decided against it!

I have this problem, i have the choice of either doing Xmas dinner for myself, dp and our 2 dc's, we will undoubtably argue and the DC's will eat noting.

Or go to my sisters and cook but her DP will be miserable and naff off to the pub, he will ask my do but he wont want to go. The kids will all fight and my sisters kitchen is ttiny and there is no dining table or anything.

I think we may loose which ever way we go.

You mention money a lot in your op. Maybe your MIL meant that she should pay for HER share of the meal with the £50? Why do you expect her to pay for 3 children and 3 adults? Is she supposed to fund the Christmas dinner in exchange of you cooking it?

We did the same as sushiqueen when I was growing up. Full on Christmas dinner on Christmas eve, then Christmas day isn't taken up with cooking and shouts of 'no, you can't eat your selection box you'll spoil your dinner' and 'no I can't play your new game with you I'm cooking the dinner'.

It gives you something to do on Christmas eve so the time doesn't drag, and Christmas day meal is cold turkey, salad etc so that you still have room for all your Christmas chocolate!!

I don't expect anything she offers and makes a big song and dance to anyone who'll listen that she has paid for ALL of Christmas, told my parents she'd paid for the panto treat too when the truth is it doesn't touch the sides. And she'd be most pissed off if she knew i'd bought it all from Tesco's last year.

The only reason I mentioned it all is the concern that if I say I'm not doing all the hard work, because of the new baby she will suggest we go out.
Her £50 won't even pay for her meal and DH will be expected to pick up the rest which we're not in a position to do so.

Can you have it at her place (mil) and you and your dh do the cooking? Her 50 pounds surely must cover the amount of food she eats? Would the family not have a roast if she were not there?

My friend always has lasagna for Christmas by the way, traditions are made to be broken!
Hope it all works out.

Luckily I have a MIL who is a brilliant cook and loves doing Christmas Day dinner so we leave her to it in the kitchen with as much wine as she'd like and its always great. I'm dreading the day that I have to take up the reins and start doing it myself ... I take my hat off to all ladies (and husbands) who are able to do it.

gtamom - she's in sheltered accommodation, I'm not sure children are allowed, that's certainly the implication anyway.
Oh her £50 covers her meal of course it does, I'm not counting out the sprouts to ensure she only gets her portion, it's not that bad at all.

And now I think about she has only offered the £50 once last year, every other year dH has paid for the meal out or we've bought all the food which has been fine in the past when we can afford it but this year we can't really.

Oh, I see. Shame they don't have a nice dinner there with family allowed.

Hmmm, go for the pizza!

In that case, I think you need to tell her the truth:

The real cost of Christmas has been over £150 the last few years, and with a new baby you cannot face doing all the cooking nor foot the bill. Neither can you afford going out to eat, as you have researched prices and found this to be over £200. So this year, you are doing frozen pizzas and tiramisu. She is welcome for that if she wants to.

I don't really understand this TBH. It's only a blimmin' roast! It can as complicated or as simple as you choose to make it. Just because it's Christmas day doesn't mean it needs to be more stressful than any other Sunday lunch with the family round.

OK, so my kids are a bit older now, but it was never any different for me. We went out for lunch once - it was lovely, but very expensive, and it didn't feel quite the same.

I love all the planning and the prepping - I do loads in advance, and if I'm running behind/too drunk to stick rigidly to my schedule I just assign all visitors a chopping or peeling or stirring job, and we drink sherry, champagne, mulled wine anything we can get our hands on and sing at the tops of our voices to carols. The telly rarely even goes on on Christmas Day. We chat, and play games and go for long walks. And drink some more.

I do sometimes long for it to be just us, but it rarely works out that way. But in all honesty I'd rather cook for ten at mine than go somewhere else and have to tolerate inferior catering and some nonsense on the TV blaring full blast all day long.

Could you not do something that still seems like a special meal but is easier than Xmas DInner but not Pizza?

Maybe a Big Spag Bol in the middle of the tablr with crust Garlic Bagguettes and a lovely green Salad?

Or a Roast Gammon with A big dish of Butter Mash and Veg?

Something that still seems specialto sit down together and eat but isn't as huge and expensive as a Christmas dinner can be?

(I would do it but DP would have a breakdown if he didn't have a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings! )

just explain that it costs too much to do and say that this year you are not doing a roast but a lasagne of something instead. Say that this year youd like xmas day to yourselves but you could have her over on boxing day

I agree if the children a young and the house is cramped it can be chaos, but pizza seems so bah-humbug! I think low-key simplicity and got planning is your friend here, not opting out altogether.

We've developed a nice routine of having a fondue on Christmas eve - feels Christmassy but it's easy.

I don't understand people who then cook a second roast (pork or beef) on Boxing day though. That seems madness to me.

We love our leftovers, cold turkey and ham, chutneys, more stuffing, salads, and bubble and squeak with a fried egg on top! Boxing day is much more laid back.

Too much last minute faffing - that's the problem with Xmas dinner (cost aside). I'm going to do a big venison casserole this year - still feels festive, can all be made days before and reheated (ditto mash and red cabbage), leaving more time to play with the kids/relax with the grandparents.

Did a "proper" Xmas dinner last year for the first time post-children and never again. Mind you, I did make it hard for myself by doing the stupid Nigella gravy recipe which involved frying then blending the turkey liver to make a gravy that no one liked! Who needs their blender out on Xmas day???

OMG at the blender dotty, you crazy woman !

We will have a 8ish week old baby this year and DS will be at his Dads think . I cooked for 10 last year so am thinking of just doing a big tea time buffet and and saying anyone is welcome to join us then.

Then DP and I can lounge with DC2, eat a delicious brunch and drinkchampagneandhavesomesex watch a film or something. It also solves the problem of which set of GPs get to do "Baby's first xmas" (if any of them are bothered).

I will speak to DP about it before others start asking us our plans, but am trying to hag on until at least October before raising the subject!

YANBU but pizza sounds a bit sad to be honest

I love the idea of something like the venison casserole. Can be made in advance and still very festive. There are loads of options in between a full Xmas dinner and storebought pizza!

Just make it a turkey pizza or a turkey lasagne - stick a sprig of holly on top and one easy yet festive xmas lunch