to support best friends daughter?

[macdoodle]

Best friend for >10years, we are close.
Her DD1 is 18, regularly babysits for me, and we get on very well, I have supported/helped her in the past.
She has had a big blow up with her mum (my best friend), and moved out to stay with her boyfriend.
Thing is, I can see both sides, I know why her mum was upset and angry, but I do also thing that her mum did over react a bit and go a bit OTT.
Daughter is upset, I have been supportive without slagging off her or undemining her mum (I hope), and offered her a ear or a bed if she needs it (would rather she was here than god knows where).

Though I feel disloyal to best friend, feel her daughter needs at least one adult she can turn to. Am torn TBH :( AIBU

COI I dont have teens yet DD1 age 9, and DD2 nearly 3

If you were my friend and it were my daughter I would be eternally grateful that you were there for her and I could be confident she was safe.

Gently encourage them to talk, perhaps at your house, and well done for being such a good family friend

Keep doing what you're doing. It's less about the friendship, more about who is the most vulnerable at the moment - and it sounds like the DD wins.

And I'm quite sure (having got a DD who was really bloody awful in her teens) that part of your friend will be thinking "thank God macdoodle is looking out for her because I really can't stand to be near her at the moment".

Make sure you know both sides of the story and be careful about offering a bed. You really are only hearing one side. Dont inflame the situation.

I'm sure it's fine.

Just remember that your first priority is to you friend, which I'm sure you know. Just be supportive and non-judgemental and back your friend up. Try not to express any controverisal opinion as this is a sure path to arguments!

But you sound very sensitive and lovely and I'm sure you'd never do that anyway!

Yep, I agree, she'll be happy you're caring for her, even though she's 18 and prob OK to care for herself.

As long as you are not teaming up with her against her mum.

I think I would be endlessly grateful knowing someone was keeping an eye on her for me and that she had the offer of a safe place to stay if I was her mother.

As long as you are not teaming up with her against her mum.

I think I would be endlessly grateful knowing someone was keeping an eye on her for me and that she had the offer of a safe place to stay if I was her mother.

elterwater, I have had both sides at length today
Mum (best friend) told me the saga on the way to school this morning (she also has DD2 age 9), and I had an update after school
Daughter of friend told me her side this evening!
Stories are identical except from opposite points of view. I think her daughter was thoughtless rather than nasty, and I think mum over reacted, but can understand why.
Have suggested they both calm down and talk again tomorrow or next day.
daughter has my number if she needs it.
Best friend knows where I am and that I spoke to her daughter tonight but not what was said.
Have not ganged yup on mum, just been sympathetic and supportive, suggest she needs to respect her mums wishes etc while she lives there, even if she things she was OTT (60 phone calls in an hour !

Am not looking forward to teenage girls I must say!