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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my so called friend has not given me any money that she owes me

28 replies

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 20:30

I offered to sell my friend my old laptop for £100. I am at university and she is in receipt of benefits. She said that she would pay me £20 per week for the laptop and I am fine with this. However, this was 2 weeks ago and she has not mentioned the laptop since. We have only talked about it once and that was when I asked her how she was getting on with it (really it was to try and prompt her to give me some money). She has yet to offer me any money.

I am feeling upset about this and don't really know what to do.

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 23/09/2010 20:36

You need to ask her for the money. If you don't,she will start to view it as a gift.
Tell her you can't afford to just give it to her. If she hasn't got the money you will need the laptop back so you can ebay it.

This will damage your friendship if you have to keep asking, but I think she isn't much of a friend if she doesn't do the right thing by you. If she didn't have the money, she shouldn't have taken the laptop.

It's an awkward situation, but you will just have to ask. If you let it go, you will be resentful, which will also damage the friendship.

Marjee · 23/09/2010 20:37

You need to be blunt with her, it sounds like shes relying on you being too embarrassed to ask. Maybe have a glass of wine for courage and text her asking when she'll make the first payment. That way you'll have the message as evidence that she agreed to pay.

Earlybird · 23/09/2010 20:39

I think you have to be blunt. Ask her why she's not stuck to the arrangement and paid you.

Tell her if she can't pay you, then, you'll have it back so it can be sold to someone else.

Tell her that you need to be honest with each other - the friendship is too important to let a finanacial disagreement sour things between you.

Lulumaam · 23/09/2010 20:39

you have to ask

you have a verbal agreement

let her off the hook. tell her if she can't afford it no probs, you'll collect it off her and ebay it

how good a friend is she?

BunnyLebowski · 23/09/2010 20:43

Stop being a doormat and ask her outright.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 20:44

We've been friends for about 3 years, our sons go to school together. We go out for coffee regularly so I do consider her a friend- not just a school acquaintance. At the moment I'm just trying to remain calm as it's only been 2 weeks. I think the thing that's annoying me the most is that she hasn't even mentioned it to me. I wouldn't mind if she just said, "I'm really sorry but could I start paying in 2 weeks time" as I know that she doesn't have a lot of money. As it is though I'm just feeling more and more resentful.

OP posts:

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 20:45

He he, I like ur honesty Bunny!!

OP posts:

minibmw2010 · 23/09/2010 20:45

Maybe you could say something like "can I collect the first payment from you Monday" or whenever but in a friendly tone .. unfortunately you have no choice but to ask from the sound of things.

sarinha2203 · 23/09/2010 20:45

You need to ask her asap. Tell her you have made an agreement and you need the money asap. Your friend is being cheeky by "forgetting" about it.

BunnyLebowski · 23/09/2010 20:47

frazzle I've been there with a friend years ago. I soon got the meaning of 'give someone an inch and they'll take a mile'.

To the extent that, while I do lend books and dvds, I no longer lend money to anyone.

You have to woman up and just confront her. She'll either have assumed you've forgotten or have been waiting for you to say something.

Theincrediblesulk1 · 23/09/2010 20:59

I was going to say don't lend what you cant afford to lose, but she is just taking the piss! call her and say where is my money? if she creates just say thats cool i have another buyer and i will pick it up from you tomorrow.

Don't feel bad, if it was money it would be different but this is something she has bought off you.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 21:16

I think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and ask her. I don't mean to sound mean but it's not my fault that she doesn't have much money. She shouldn't have said she wanted to buy it if she knew she couldn't afford it (or is that a bit harsh??)

OP posts:

Theincrediblesulk1 · 23/09/2010 21:21

no thats not harsh at all, she knows what she has got to live on. I wouldn't buy a house i couldn't afford, there is no difference.I think she was hoping you would be too embarrassed to ask her for payment.

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/09/2010 21:27

She is taking the piss.

yabu if you let her continue.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 21:33

Thanks for all your support. I really don't want to lose her as a friend. Your comments will help me to do what I have to do!!!

OP posts:

claig · 23/09/2010 21:34

tell her you need the cash as you are short or tell her that you have someone else willing to buy the laptop if she has changed her mind

MrsMojoRising · 23/09/2010 21:36

Maybe you don't even need to talk to her, can you just text her and say you'll bob in for the money on X-day?

cumfy · 23/09/2010 21:47

She said that she would pay me £20 per week

Seems she didn't say which week.:o

ZeroZeroOne · 23/09/2010 21:47

whilst it's only been 2 weeks that represents, on the basis of the arrangment, 40 quid, which I assume you could put to some use.

You could have sold the lap top elsewhere and have the money (and possibly got more than the £100)in your hands by now. It isn't a gift.

She really ought to have handed you the first payment when she took the laptop off you.

However, I think it is perfectly ok to text her and ask her to give you the first payment the next time you meet. If she doesnt bring it you may need to re-think ....

ccpccp · 23/09/2010 21:53

Shes hoping you wont say anything.

So say something :)

Earlybird · 23/09/2010 21:59

Interesting that you are so worried about not losing her as a friend - you haven't done anything wrong! She is the one who should be worried about losing your friendship because of her actions. She is the one who is jeopardising the friendship - not you - and you need to remember that.

By the way, if her desire for the laptop overcame her personal fiscal reality, then she should simply be honest and say she can't afford it and hand it back. From what you have posted, you would certainly understand her dilemma and there would be no hard feelings.

electra · 23/09/2010 22:01

I agree, Earlybird.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 22:04

Good point Earlybird. I feel I am being very reasonable and there would definitely be no hard feelings if she said she couldn't afford it. To be honest, there would be no hard feelings if she said she could only afford a tenner a week. I think it's the fact she's just ignoring the issue that's annoying me more than anything.

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DaftApeth · 23/09/2010 22:10

And if she does start paying you, make sure you keep a note (in front of her) of when and how much she pays you. That way there can be no argument about how much she still has to give you.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 23/09/2010 22:15

Good plan DaftApeth!!

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