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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be peed off with both parents and inlaws?

52 replies

Roz14 · 23/09/2010 15:45

Hi all

Sorry to moan but feeling really upset and pissed off! My DD is now just over 2 weeks old and I have still not registered her name. Mainly because I am being constantly put off the names I have given my daughter. As you may have been aware on a previous thread, I originally called my daughter Esther but my mum at first didn't say anything then went reeling off all the negative things she associates with the name - as did some other people I know! I then didn't feel confident calling her that name so changed it to Florence. Now my in laws or going on about how much they dislike it which really upsets me. I know I shouldnt be influenced but I am finding it really difficult

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 23/09/2010 19:26

Register the name then tell them. Its your child and up to you what you call her. Everyone has their own opinion on names. My dad isn't that keen on the name we having chosen for my potential DD but I won't let that put me off at all. Plus he is the only one, everyone else has said how much they love it. He hasn't had a rant though or anything, just made a slight face as he wouldn't dream of telling me what to call my children.

verytellytubby · 23/09/2010 19:34

Call her what you want and ignore everyone else. Both are beautiful names.

My mum didn't call one of my twins his name for about 3 weeks as she didn't 'get it' and thought it was a joke! She's over it now.

taintedpaint · 23/09/2010 19:46

Everyone has their preferences, but it's not acceptable to push them on other people. It's different if people ask for input (and if you do, you shouldn't really expect it all to be amazingly positive). A family member of mine asked for opinions on a prospective name for her DD (now five) and thankfully she did, because she freely states she would've gone ahead with a certain choice had people not given it a resounding thumbs down and she hates the name with a passion now!

However, that's clearly not what's going on in your case Roz14 (I mentioned the above mainly to show their are instances in which it can be good to give a less than positive reaction, not because I think it's warranted in your case). YANBU, your parents and your ILs are likely trying to exert control over the new LO (congratulations btw!). Stand your ground with the name choice and go for one you like.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 23/09/2010 19:47

My mum openly said she wasn't keen on Matilda but we called DD is anyway as both DH and I loved it. Mum's got used to it and now loves it.

Choose whatever name you like, don't tell anyone and pop along and register it.

TBH, there turned out to be loads of things we didn't tell parents & PIL in order not to have any comments. Especially that DD wasn't sleeping through the night. Just a heads up that people only comment on what you tell them

Congratulations on your new baby.

ratspeaker · 23/09/2010 19:50

Call your child what YOU want
Tell your parents and inlaws the name has been registered and is Fluffybum Periwinkle Hoopla.
They'll be relieve when you say it's really Esther or Florence or whatever YOU choose

thederkinsdame · 23/09/2010 19:51

We love the name Esther and if we ever have any more kids, it is our no. 1 girl's name. Congratulations and don't let them put you off, as you will regret it and resent them for it.

onepieceoflollipop · 23/09/2010 19:52

Agree with what everyone else seems to be saying. (and fwiw Esther and Florence are both beautiful, imo)

As long as it's not "doggychops" as someone jokingly mentioned earlier on the thread.

My fil got it into his head that we would name dd1 after his recently deceased sister. Now, I was of course sad for him that he had lost his sister; but she had (imo) quite an old-fashioned name that we had not considered and would still not consider now.

There are loads of things we don't tell parents/ils, especially ils.

Tip: if you have parents/ils that have perfected the cat's bum face at anything they disagree with then you might want to avoid them being part of any advance discussions about anything.

SirBoobAlot · 23/09/2010 19:55

Call your baby a name you like. Everyone else will get used to it. Tell your parents and PIL to keep their opinions to themselves.

Esther and Florence are both lovely names.

Congratulations :)

Bue · 23/09/2010 19:55

Sadly this seems to be all too common a problem. My mum let her mum browbeat her into giving me a second middle name. Neither my mum nor I has ever particularly liked it and I've more or less dropped it. Name your baby what YOU like.

Esther is lovely! (And so is Florence.)

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 23/09/2010 19:56

Both names are lovely. Pick the one you like best, register her as that, and tell anyone who complains to go swivel.

Tortington · 23/09/2010 19:57

you should tell then that she is going to be called mervyn power ranger. stick to it with serious face, tell them merv will be registerd tomorrow as mervyn power ranger.

then tell them that you called her esther

Original poster

Roz14 · 23/09/2010 20:07

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I was feeling a little low and hormonal earlier when I posted the thread - things are in much better perspective now.

LovebeinginvitedtotheVIPsalr - maybe you are right about needing to grow up It must be working as a teacher around all those children that makes me lack a certain level of maturity!!! Thanks

OP posts:

Riddo · 23/09/2010 20:07

Both names are lovely, they will get used to it and she is your baby, not theirs. As others have said they have had their chance to choose names for their own dcs.

wouldliketoknow · 23/09/2010 20:10

we didn't ask for opinions, we comunicated his name and that was it, some advice, grow a back bone, next come how to feed her, dress her, put her to sleep, her weight, height, my mum even critizised how i cut his nails, ... is your child...

be nice, tell them to be nice grandparents and spoilt her lots and leave the hard work to you...if that doesn't work do what i did,
mum's unwelcome advice
me: no, mum, i rather do this, back it up with science, drives her mad...

fwiw, your choices are lovely.

perfumedlife · 23/09/2010 20:12

Ignore, I love Esther and Florence

FlyingInTheCLouds · 23/09/2010 20:15

ignore ignore

my mum ask me why I had named DS1 after a dictator, whilst I was holding him at 2 days old.

(no not adolf, Joseph )

Go with the name you love (I think they are both beautiful,not that my opinion matters any more than anyone else)

gingerkirsty · 23/09/2010 20:46

Just adding my vote to the avalanche! Esther Florence, beautiful and they will grow to love it. Tell them that is what she is called and there will be no further discussion.

Someone earlier (sorry can't remember who now ) said they have had their turn choosing their children's names, and now it is your turn. Very true indeed.

And zipzap I like your BIL's style! Imagine a trip to the park and calling your dog back: "Marjorie, come on Marjorie - NO Marjorie!"

gingerkirsty · 23/09/2010 20:48

And actually I second (third, tenth, whatever) the folks who have said in the nicest possible way that you need to grow a backbone. If they think their opinion on the name is the be all and end all, imagine how much fun you are going to have with them telling you how to do everything else for her!

Blu · 23/09/2010 20:53

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. YOUR baby.
You cannot name a baby by committee. Don't consult, don't ask, discuss it ONLY with your DH, choose something that you and he like, get the name registered, then tell them, and take no notice of any reaction.

Blu · 23/09/2010 20:53

P.S Esther and Florence are both LOVELY.

AgentZigzag · 23/09/2010 20:59

An AIBU thread with a full house of YANBU, nice one.

Congrats on your DD OP

zipzap · 25/09/2010 22:33

Point out to your mum that she has already had a go at naming children and that it is your turn now. Depending on how much you like your name (or your mother!) you can do an aside with 'and look what you chose - I've suffered with Roz14 all my life'

Echoing what others have said about the fact you will still want to have the original name later down the line... it took my nan nearly 60 years to suddenly ask my dad about how to go about changing your name. Dad started to tease her about it being a bit late to change her name (she was getting on for 80) when she replied that no, she wanted to change HIS name - apparently her sister had bullied persuaded her into calling him something different from what she had wanted to call him and she had finally got the courage to think 'what the heck, why should she tell me what to call my son, I shall call him what I wanted...'. However my dad was of an age (nearly 60!) that meant he had no intention of changing his name

But it had obviously bugged her all those years - so stick to calling her what you want to call her.

mumeeee · 25/09/2010 22:39

Congratulations. Just giveyour baby a name you like. Don't worry about your parents or inlaws liking it, She is your baby not theirs.

lucy101 · 25/09/2010 22:42

What you are actually finding difficult is not being a 'good girl' and wanting their approval ultimately.

You need to start being firm and confident in yours and your DH's choices starting with names... and then with every other aspect of your parenting. It might make you uncomfortable at first but you have to do this.

Your names are beautiful by the way.

pressyourthumbs · 25/09/2010 22:43

I really want to know which name you go for now! Esther and Florence are both lovely. :)

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