to feel undermined by DP's "property investment" plans with his sister?

[spaghettina]

We have a small baby, are renting a 1 bedroom flat, and due to our respective work situations, will have trouble getting a mortgage/ buying a flat, but that's the idea in the not too distant future.
I'm the only one of us with any savings to speak of, for a down payment.

Nevertheless, DP spotted an investment opportunity, a smallish office space (couldn't be turned into a home) and thinks it would be good to buy, use it to work in and rent out desk space to other freelancers.

I expressed my doubts as i think if we're going to invest in anything it should be a family home.

He's just gone off to view it and it emerged (after I overheard a phone call) that he's asked his sister, a student (!) to go into the investment with him as I'm "not interested".

Never mind the fact that I don't know how this would get paid for, but AIBU to resent and find it odd that he's asked his sister and is potentially getting into a situation which would most likely prevent him from paying another mortgage for a home? (he won't tell me how much he earns but it's not that much and I'm strugging to work from home and look after baby at the same time).

Karma - right, that's what I thought about the assets...although luckily most of mine are abroad (not in the country we live in).

CCPCP - yep, a bit of a dreamer indeed!

Spaghettina, financially, this all sounds very ropey from your perspective:

i) if you marry, the fact that your assets are overseas may be irrelevant (will depend on the laws of the country you are living) - your DP may well still be entitled to a share;

ii) you should trust each other sufficiently to have a joint financial position before you get married, including knowing what your DP earns, what savings he has and exactly what his relationship is with the family business - salaried employee or partner/shareholder?

iii) Karmabeliever is right about the use of companies to protect assets from spouses. If your DP is planning to be a part of the business for the foreseeable future then there should be a plan in place for him to become a partner or shareholder (or be given a better salary). If the family isn't willing to involve you in the business they might be willing to give your DC shares to protect DC's financial position as he/she grows up.

Definitely get some financial advice - and discuss it with your DP - before you get married.

I'm with Karma - you are in a position where although you have a baby with your dp, you are on the outside of the family. It won't change when you get married unless you do something about it.

If you are happy with it then fine but if not you need to express your concerns. Not great timing as I get the impression that you'd quite like to get on with being a new mum rather than have to set your position in relation to finances and priorities.

Best of luck to to.

My other concern is that if he invests, in who's name would the property be. If with his sister it might just be in the family name in which case you are absolutely right to be annoyed that he's investing in something that doesn't help your family unit while you move further away from the security of owning your own home.

His "strong family values" don't seem to extend to sharing things with you, Hmm.

Thanks for your responses. I should clarify that this property thing would be in the company name, i got the wrong end of the stick apparently

They should make him a partner in the company in the future but for now it's all in the older generation's names. His father and uncles have involved their wives in the business, even going so far as to put parts of it in their name etc. They are a bit of a clan.
On the whole I don't think his intentions are to keep important things from me, he discusses private family business stuff with me the whole time.

Not knowing how much he earns does annoy me and I think it's some silly macho pride thing to do with his culture and him feeling inadequate as a breadwinner. They'll be able to pay him more if turnover improves, they're not rolling in money.

I do want to get some kind of advice from a family lawyer before "signing on the dotted line" so to speak.

You're right giveitago, I don't want to face all this stuff right now. But I have to.. In the space of 15 months I went from being single to meeting him, moving in together, getting pregnant (unplanned, quite early into the relationship, getting engaged and having the baby. I'm exhausted!

As his position is informal and cash in hand with nothing on paper, how is he going to to get a mortgage, joint or otherwise?

YANBU - please do not marry him without getting yourself and DC fully financially protected.
That needs to involve him getting a grip on reality when it comes to the details of his contribution.