... to not ask my babysitter to look after my friend's child as well?

[AngeK]

We asked some friends of ours who also have a child to Sunday lunch (without kids). She has parents and family around and friends who sometimes look after her boy, so I didn't think a babysitter would be a problem.

We have a new babysitter, who just started this week. The first time she will be looking after both our kids is this Sunday and she is a bit apprehensive, though I think she is quite capable.

However, my friend can't get a babysitter and has asked if our babysitter can watch her son also. I feel uncomfortable about asking my babysitter to watch 3 kids, two of whom she's never looked after before. I've told my friend this, but she's making me feel bad about it.

You could put the suggestion to your babysitter and see what she says. She may honestly not mind. Especially as your friend will have to pay her a bit more for taking on another child.

Explain your friend asked but that you understand if she would rather not and you feel bad for asking.

yanbu, your babysitter may refuse anyway or may want extra for looking after a 3rd child.

As she has never met your child before and is worried (which is a normal emotion when meeting a new family) i would say she is unable to do it. Or tell a white lie say she doesnt want to do it untill she knows your dc better.

yanbu - but why Sunday lunch? I would really struggle to get anyone to have my children as this is when most families are together and don't want someone else's tagging on.

also is this lunch in your own home? so why would you need a sitter?

The babysitter knows she would get more money. The reason I haven't suggested it to her is that she has already told me she is a little nervous looking after both for the first time and I think it would seem flippant of me to then turn around and say "Oh, do you mind looking after 3?" I don't know, maybe I'm just making assumptions?

How old are the children?

YANBU. Your babysitter is nervous enough as it is, having to look after 2 kids, and doesn't need the extra pressure of another child.

You could ask her and if she refuses, she refuses, so you friend will have to arrange a babysitter herself.

I agree with IAPJJ. If the meal is in your own house, why do you need a CM?
FWIW, if we have friends over for a meal, DH and I would have 2 sittings - 1st for the kids and 2nd for adults.

Doesn't sound like the babysitter would want to be asked to watch a third child since she has expressed feeling nervous about watching the two.

We're going to a restaurant, but just for 2-3 hours. Two children are 2, and the eldest is 4.

could you change it to an evening when you are more likely to get a sitter?

what area of the country are you? I have two sitters that are cheap and fantastic.

Quite frankly, I think it's a bit odd that your babysitter is nervous about looking after your children. I would get another one.

Your friend made a reasonable request, just explain to her that your babysitter is nervous of looking after your two and couldn't cope with a third child - but don't be too suprised if she looks at you like this

How old is the babysitter? If she's nervous about looking after 2 children it would suggest that she is not very experienced.

On a tangent...it would never occur to me to go out for lunch with another couple but no kids. That's what the evening's for isn't it??

Or maybe you all work nights or something...

take the kids?

YANBU and neither is your sitter if she refuses. But you could suggest and make it clear it's no pressure.

Tbh as someone who babysits a lot I wouldn't be too keen on looking after children from more than one family the first time unless I knew well in advance. This isn't because I'm worried about looking after lots if children, or because I'm inexperienced, but because the dynamic changes when non-siblings get involved.

Plus, presumably, the children will need feeding, possibly a nap, and entertainment. If you don't know the house, the routines, the children's little foibles it's a big ask to have a child who isn't in their own home there too.

You can be clear with your babysitter about your children but your friend will need to do the same so that's 2 lots of instructions to get her head around.

Well, the other option appears to be that your friend can't come.
Is that what you want?

agree with chipping in - your babysitter may be new/not very experienced but she should be QUITE capable of looking after your 2 children without any hassle or being apprehensive - or she isnt the right person to be looking after your 2

tho i do agree with frakk,and i would be a tad annoyed to have a new family to bs for , then to be told asked if i could have another complete stranger child to look after

also agree does seem a tad weird to have a sunday lunch without any children

why not take your bs with you and once the children have eaten and so has the bs , then she can take them outside in the garden and have a run about

Hi again, thanks for all your comments.

frakkinnakkered, you're right, she's only nervous because its the first time she's looked after them. She's 20 and very capable. I've no worries about her looking after my kids, just someone else's as well. When all 3 of them get together they can get a little... over-excited.

I agree that's its a little weird to go out on Sunday afternoon with no kids, but we are living in Switzerland at the moment and places are open at funny times here. This restaurant is only open on weekends and is a bit posh, so not really suitable for young kids.

Will think a bit more and maybe try to get an evening booking...

umm... dont think my sitter will travel to Switzerland for £5 an hour - sorry