to feel like I am the only person in the WORLD who does not have friends?

[Desperamum]

I have people I say 'Morning' to at the school gates and who I occasionally chat to but that's it. When I hear poeople talking about going out with their friends or their friends coming over or their friend said this or did that I feel like complete shit because I have no one.

It is partly because we have moved a lot and partly because I suffer from social anxiety and find it very difficult to know what to say to people so I tend to not make eye contact. I sometimes feel a bit abnormal and think surely there can't be other mums like me as having DCs makes it easy to meet people right? The problem is that I can never get past the small talk with people into developing a friendship.

I always feel like I am on the outside looking in on people 'having a life'. I adore my DCs and DH and am content with my lot in life apart from this one thing.

So AIBU in thinking it's just me?

I feel the same as bigfootbeliever, friends seem to disappoint me, the bulk of my friends on Facebook are more casual acquaintences and my sister is actually my closest friend. The other people I regard as close friends I've known for a long time (school and college) none of who live near me :(

I think I have to have lots of personal history to feel comfortable with people, all my more recent friends (NCT, nursery and now school) I regard as friends for a season iykwim. If I were to move away I doubt I'd keep in touch.

Youre not alone, the small talk thing is a pain and sometimes I'd rather do without it, not worth the potential awkwardness.

Have you thought about volunteering at all? towards PTA or towards some local event. Part of my job is coordinating volunteers, and find that having a purpose, working on something together is a really great way of bonding because it has a focus and that takes away the awkwardness.
Probably will be something around that would interest you and you could get involved with?

Desperamum, I'm shy and I put up defensive body language, which in turn looks like I don't want to be approached. I also tend to avoid eye contact which adds to the unapproachable thing.

Try sitting on the floor at baby groups with your baby as this will automatically relax your body language and you will seem more approachable. Also see if you can get NLP as well as CBT.

Making small talk is agonising though and I've found it far easier to make friends through common interests than I have just because we have dc at the same school.

What about starting a book group or craft group? What are your interests?

I am the very same OP. I nearly started crying at school pick up today, I suddenly became very aware of myself sitting alone on the wall while the other mums and dads chatted away - I just try and make myself look busy with DS3 (11 weeks) in his sling. I try and pretend I am ok, but I am so so so lonely. DS3 is my little friend though - he is attached to me nearly 24/7, is my night time hot water bottle, gives me smiles...

Loved your reply! We sound very similar! :)

Oh this really annoys me. There are so many lovely mumsnetters who deserve better and cliquey mums and dads at the school gates suck.

I'd be your friend, OP and Lemonade.

You're definitely not the only one. I suffer with social anxiety. At school and uni I seemed to miss the boat - everyone formed friendships really quickly and I got left behind.

I've recently started volunteering for a couple of charities and it's good in terms of forcing you out of your comfort zone and meeting new people and gradually getting you more comfortable with different situations.

http://www.do-it.org/ website has loads of opportunities to do a wide range of volunteering - even one off days doing gardening in a school grounds is good fun.

Have you had a look at the Mumsnet meet-up board?

I met two lovely friends by going along to one of the local (Croydon) meet-ups so have a look and see if there's a meet-up being arranged near you. If there isn't then start your own thread.

Have a look on the NetMums website too as they have a local meet-a-mum board. I promise you they're not all "Huns". The new friend I met recently through their local board can spell and punctuate and everything.

Good luck!

:) thanks! :):):):)