to not want dp to go out tonight?

[familyfun]

ive been told iabu several times recently but im here again for another bashing

last night i was supposed to be going out with friends, dp was staying in with dd, in the afternoon he rang saying he had been invited to play golf (which he plays most weeks when he can) and was i still going out. i said yes but maybe later than planned as my friend was working late. he then tried to work out how late i might go as he would really like to play golf but i didnt know. at 3 my friends cancelled so i rang dp and told him and he instantly said oh i'll play golf then, fair enough although id have liked the option to still have some time to myself, so he went to golf and got home just in time to put dd to bed.

dp just phoned and said he has been invited to a footie match tonight but thought he would check first, he then said he is being picked up at 5 but will come home early and take dd to the park. i told him she needs her dinner by 5 as she is hungry/tired after nursery.

i dont want him to go out again tonight, he went out last night and im fed up o being left alone.

i told him last week that im feeling really down like no-one respects me. im 7 months pregnant. dd is settling into nursery but being a handful in the meantime. ive in pain with pelvic girdle pain.

i go out about once a month max for a meal with friends. dp goes to the gym twice a week, pub fridays, meetings once a fortnight and then thinks he should be able to play golf weekly and go out wenever asked.

aibu?

YABU. I think it is healthy in a relationship to have own interests and a life of your own. If I stop my DH going out, he gets very resentful, fed up and bored. (I do make sure he's helped me put the kids to bed though). I don't think he even goes out that much TBH and he seems to be home at a fairly decent hour, so what's the problem?

I do think it depends on your personal situation and personality though. I work and I'm often really tired at night so happy to veg in front of the t.v. If DH is out, then I can watch what I want on tv without interruption .

Also, my Dad was 2-3 times a week when I was younger, so it is the norm for me.

you are TOTALLY NBU! I am feeling your pain here - my hubby also out alot. I think what you might need to do is tell him calmly that you're a bit annoyed and upset that he is missing family time, and that you could do with some more support just now in the home, and that you are going to re-claim one night in the week for you - which means he comes home straight from work and you get to do whatever you bloody well like. Even if that's soaking the bath for hours and reading a book.

I think that what it comes down to is that the OP feels like her hubby is placing his own interests and hobbies above the family (even if other posters think that he's home quite early, the fact is he's fitting in lovely fun things, whilst the OP is in pain and struggling).

How about if his golf etc was arranged for after your wee one was in bed? He can bloody play in the dark

i have suggested he goes to the gym after dd is in bed so he would send some time with her those 2 nights but he prefers to go straight from work.
when i went to exercise class i went in the evening so i had dinner with them before hand.
tbh it bothers me that he has the option to be home by 4.30 latest (he starts early) but chooses to come home at 6 ish 3 or 4 times a week and very late mondays so normally only eats sunday dinner and possibly wed night with us. i would never choose to not see dd.
i am going to tell him i think 2 nights on the trot is too much and i want 1 night a week where either i go out or we all stay in as a family.

my dad went out mon, wed and fri nights and normally did his own thing at the weekend and i was actually shy round my own dad as a child as i saw that little of him, maybe 1 hr a couple of times a week.
i want dd to see plenty of dp as she adores him.

no classes, just normal gym membership. he says if he comes home he doesnt feel like going later so prefers to go straight from work at 3ish when its quiet.
i dont mind him going later when dd is asleep and i can have a bath/chill out a bit.
i do plan to bf dc2 and dp knows he will have to help more, i think it maye be the case of getting lots of stuff in beforehand.
looked into pregnancy yoga and its £6 a session paid in 4 weeks blocks so too expensive, maybe i'll go normal swimming.

He does seem to be acting as though he can do whatever he likes because you are there to do all the childcare etc. He should, really, be able to see for himself that him having 5 nights out a week when you get 1 night out a month is not exactly fair; however, if you haven't clearly explained to him that you need your share of free time as well and are telling him it's OKI for him to go out, then he is perhaps thinking that you would rather stay in by yourself than go out.

Have a straight talk with him about it. What you really, really don't want to do is get into the situation where you tell him he can go out, seethe silently because he should know you want him to stay in, then cary on feeling resentful all day so he decides he doesn;t actually want to rush home and be subjected to martyred sighs all the time (particularly if you are the type who goes, 'othing;s wrong' when something clearly is).

Hecate, you're usually spot on, but:

Cinema alone may not be much fun

Are you mad?? Cinema's great by yourself; there's something so indulgent about it, especially during daylight hours. I heartily recommend it.

really? Don't you think it screams 'I Have No Friends, No Friends At All'?

Actually, there's a film I'd really like to see but nobody else does and I would love to go but going to see a film alone - everyone would be looking and pitying. Wouldn't they?

i think its because im a sahm so im there looking after dd so if he wants to do anything after work he just does it knowing dd is with me.
if i worked and dd needing collecting from childcare he would have to think more but he has never had to do that.
i have told him im really tired and physically struggling now, my physio is on tuesday thank goodness so maybe that will help, last night he came straight home and had dinner with us, when it was bathtime dd asked dp to help her undress, he said he was just going to ring his parents and i suggested he did that after she was asleep as she had hardly seen him this week and he agreed so maybe i just need to spell things out more for him.
when dc2 is born he will have 3 weeks off and has already said he will get dd to nursery and back every day and i will join him when i can.
ive also told him im going to start swimming once a week which he is fine with, i think he just presumes that when im in he can be out.

yeah success
dp didnt go to the pub, we all went swimming and i put dd in the pjs after and she went to sleep so straight to bed. lovely family night together