getting changed for PE

[roundwindow]

Hi all,

I'm feeling pretty bloomin livid with DS1's school today and am hoping some of you might have similar experiences and can advise me (or tell me if I'm expecting too much!)

DS1 (6, in y2) has a developmental delay and social communication issues. He also really struggles with his fine motor skills so finds handwriting, using cutlery, etc. very difficult. He's seen/seeing various professionals and is on the Special Needs register at school.

The issue that's bugging me is that whenever they do PE at school he seems to come out of school with his clothes on back to front, inside out and/or his shoes on the wrong feet. This has been going on since he started but after reception year I started to feel like we needed to intervene and gently request that he's given more help. I just feel that a duty of care to DS extends to making sure he looks presentable and is comfortable.

DS, of couse, is oblivious to social norms so couldn't care less but as he does quite enough by himself to alienate himself from his peers I think that adults in charge of him ought to intervene where we can in terms of upping his social acceptability. I know I wouldn't let him go round looking like that at home/out and about. Also, surely it must be quite uncomfortable to have your shoes on the wrong feet all day?

I know that class teachers struggle to help a whole class and appreciate that they get them to do it themselves as a way of developing independence but the fact is DS1 CAN'T. It's not that he's lazy, it's not that I haven't bothered to try to develop these skills at home, he just simply CAN'T. I know I'm feeling emotive right now but if they're actually refusing to accomodate the level of care he requires because he 'should' be able to do it, then it seems to me the modern day equivalent of putting a dunce cap on him and encouraging all the other kids to point and laugh

Anyway, I've spoken to teachers about this probably about ten times now. The reason I'm so fuming today is that the last time I spoke to his teacher was only YESTERDAY morning. I also spoke to the head saying I appreciate the class teacher may have too much on her plate but please can someone be made available for just 5 minutes to help him when they're getting changed.

And yet today he comes out again, shoes on the wrong feet, t-shirt inside out, clothes falling out of his pe bag as he exits the gate . She was right there and as I pointed out to DS that his shoes were on the wrong feet she didn't say anything, just mumbled something about having asked the whole class if they all had their shoes. His IEP and several reports all state quite clearly that he often doesn't hear instructions when addressed to a large group.

So I'm just wondering: am I being too precious and emotional about this issue? And where do I go when I've already taken it up with school verbally and they seem to ignore my request? When I've already been to the head and got nowhere, what's the equivalent of asking for the manager?

I also wrote a letter to the head last term to complain when he came home with two deep scratches on his face which none of the staff told me about and when I asked at the gate nobody could tell me what happened. I wrote to ask for clarification that the incident had been recorded and to raise my concern about DS's safety in the plaground and have had no reply to that letter

Where do I go from here? or should I just accept the message that they don't think this issue is a problem?

I think you need to make an appt with the head and go in to discuss your concerns. I think it is worrying that no one has replied to your letter and can't explain what happened to your child in the playground.

If the school are failing to address his needs than the next step is to talk to the LEA.

Be calm when you go in the school. Try not to be emotional (hard, I know). Maybe make some notes, just in case you forget something. Follow up the meeting with a letter, confirming what has been agreed.

Good luck. You have every right to ask these questions and to expect your child to be cared for properly at school. Sounds to me as if these things aren't always happening

God how awful, im so sorry for you and your DS.
Theres nothing worse than the people who should be helping you, just ignoring you etc.
Why didn't you keep him behind and talk to the teacher, and point out to her how ridiculous it is to send him home like this?

I would be quite livid, and i understand why your so emotional.
They should be helping, and definately be putting his shoes on the right way FGS.
Maybe you could ask for an acutual meeting with the head and his teacher.
I would feel like this is being generous as they have been informed numerous times already of the issues.

Or you can make a formal complaint to the governing body and the council in which the school is under.

sorry not much help.
good luck

I would be concerned too tbh. Although probably more so about a 6yo having unexplained deep scratches. That and the fact that from what you have said they don't really seem to be taking you very seriously. I don't think it's too much to ask that your child has his shoes on the right feet. The rest of the clothes aren't too important unless as you say, it really is making him stand out to the rest of the class.

I think if you have repeatedly talked to the head and got nowhere with your concerns you could write to the governors (sp) or maybe give the La a call and ask for advice.

The problem seems to be more that they are not following his IEP, and if they won't help with something as simple as shoes, what else could they be missing? Do you have a review date booked any time soon?

I know your situation is different and as your son has SN you probably do need them to do something about it or it may become a long term problem/result in teasing - but whenever I collect the kids from school you can tell which class has had PE that day:)

My friends DD is 6, Year 2 now, and has for the past 2 years rarely come home after PE with her dress on the right way! (always, always inside out!).

So, I'm sure that right now your DS is not alone!

The same with the scratches to be honest, it's almost impossible to keep track of it - the kids do things like that at home and you don't always know how they got them!?

However, it doesn't sound like the school is supporting you/taking you seriously... either you need to get them to do this or have a look around at other schools. If you feel he is being neglected you can't just leave it :(

When I was a TA working in reception there was a child in year 1 who had devlopmental delays and was unable to change for PE and then back into his uniform afterwards.

The head arranged it so that I would nip into year 1 for 5 minutes at the times he needed help, and that solved the problem. Its such a simple thing to sort out, I think the school is being quite neglectful

I'm probably not the best person to reply to this today as one of my Y4 children left the swimming pool with her blouse buttoned up completely randomly and I didn't notice . Luckily her friends are more observant than I am and helped her sort it out.

If your son has been identified as having a particular need then I do think it is reasonable to expect the school to help with this most of the time - there may be occasions when the teacher is dealing with something else and forgets to check his shoes are on correctly but for the majority of the time, in a class of Y2 children I would expect a teacher to be able to do a quick check.

When your son gets dressed/undressed at home what strategies do you use to help him manage as much as he can independently? Does he have a left and right shoe outline mat that he puts his shoes on as he removes them so they are in position when he puts them back on? Does he know how to check that a label goes at the back of a t-shirt? Does he know how to ask a friend, "is my t-shirt the right way round?". Has he got a visual 'how to put things in your bag' instruction sheet showing; 1st, put your shoes in (picture of shoes), 2nd put in your shorts, 3rd put in your t-shirt, 4th pull the strings/zip it up/whatever?

He needs to be supported to dress and undress himself both at home and school. I think school would find it easier if you demonstrated how you support his independence at home even if that independence is teaching him how to ask an adult/friend to check his t-shirt/shoes are on properly using a 'check me' card/token. It is frustrating but saying that they need to find an additional adult to help your son get dressed every PE lesson may well be met with, "sorry, no can do" but asking for the home strategies to be generalised to school is both reasonable and more likely to be met.

I also understand your sensitivity towards your sons needs and making sure all efforts are made to help him "fit in" socially...but can also add that y DD is in year 2 she is also 6 and has no special needs but she comes out of school with her shoes on wrong...not all the time but regularly as do other kids in her class....the shirt is often buttoned wrongly and once she had her friends kinckers on!

I agree though that the teacher could easily have a quick look at him to see he's managing...have another word...

I understand your upset but teachers are very busy. (I am one) even with TA support it is difficult to make sure every child is buttoned correctly. You must also appreciate that it is our job to encourage children to develop independance and not over rely on adults.

I don't think you are BU, but like others pointed out, your son is not unusual. My 9.5 DD came out of school yesterday with her blouse buttoned up wrong and no knickers. She only has to put shorts and a t.shirt on there should be no knicker removal required. She can't remember how it happened. I would go and speak calmly to the head and ask for a bit more support though.

Roundwindow, how does your ds cope with dressing at home?

Are you maybe doing too much for him at home? Do you let him entirely dress himself every day?
If I have a class of young DCs changing for PE I tell them that I will help with ties, buttons etc but I am not dressing them. I would give extra help if they had SN but only in more understanding/time/supervision. I would get them to turn their own jumper the right way out, put their own socks on. Some are very slow because it works at home that if they are slow mum will step in and do it for them! You have to remember that the teacher probably has to go straight onto another lesson.

Things that help ds ASD to dress himself.

1. A visual sequencing chart. His disorder makes him very unorganised and he worries and panics about which item to put on first etc. It helps him to focus on what he should be doing.

1. A bit of room. He has sensory issues and worries about other children touching or brushing against his bare skin.

1. Rewards and praise.

1. Extra time ie starting 5 minutes before everyone else. He is very slow.

1. He cannot do buttons or zips. So i make sure he has elasticated trousers, no zips.

1. Getting shoes on right feet. I put coloured dots inside his shoes on the outside ie felt pen dots, so the dot goes on the outside of your foot, as a visual reminder to him.

1. Getting clothes on the right way. I also tell him/show him that the label goes on your back and the picture goes on your chest. This is also shown on his visual sequencing chart.

Hope that might be of some help to you.

my ds has half a smiley face inside his shoes and so when placed together (they correct way round) they form a big face.

Would that help?

Oh and its unacceptable of the school just to expect your ds to learn how to do this for himself. He needs help to learn how to do this for himself, its not just something that he will wake up one morning and be able to do.

The school should be helping him, to help himself.

I would write a letter to the Head and copy in SENCO explaining his difficulties and perhaps make some suggestions.

Visual sequencing charts for example, do not require the school to spend any money or take any extra time. Your ds would just need prompting to follow the chart, until he gets the hang of it.

SEN COP states clearly that schools should work in partnership with parents. You could also contact Parent Partnership in your area, who are good at mediating with school and parents.

Good luck

I agree with what others have said about a lot of children coming out of PE with their clothes all over the place. My ds is in year 6 and still does it.

However, you have asked for help on several occasions and I would agree that an appointment with the head may well help and would an appointment with the SENCO.

My ds had an IEP from year 2 and I'm not sure that any of the teachers had read it. He now has a statement (not yet implemented).

I agree that it's good to keep calm but the SENCO at ds's school didn't do anything until I ended up in her office weeping hysterically because no one was taking me seriously.

A letter to the governers may help too.

For shoes... get a marker pen and draw INSIDE the soles of the shoes.

You want an arrow on each foot - pointing toward the centre of the shoes
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