Mother in laws new partner

[kchivs]

This is my first post but we really need to canvas opinion...

We are getting married in just over 8 weeks, we have only ever left our 2 year old for 1 night with friends which went well but we had hoped to go away for 3 days/nights after the wedding and the mother in law had agreed to look after son for 2 nights and then for a friend the last night to cover.

She has since met a new man online (5 months dating), we have met him once a couple of weeks ago, i wont go into the history but there are alot of things that dont add up about him.

Anyway, she is now saying she wont come and look after our son unless he can stay at our house too. we feel very uncomfortable about this, our son has only met him once and from the way she was when we met him (all over him) we are concerned over the 2 days he wont be getting the full attention he needs while we are away (one of the 2 days he will be at nursery).

We have told her we dont want him to stay, that for him and us it will seem like a long time apart and we all want to be comfortable, but she says we dont trust her judgment and are unreasonable. Are we....?

no.

It's your child and it's up to you.

But you must accept that this may mean she does not come to look after your son and that is her right.

YANBU

She is imo.

what sort of things don't add up about him?

I can see that your MIL would feel YABU but basically , if you don't feel comfortable leaving your ds in the company of this man, then you will have to make other arrangements.

I don't think YABU btw - go with your instincts, though you may find a lot of posters saying that your MIL is doing you a big favour and you are being a bit precious

Sorry i dont understand what YANBU is? or imo?!

You Are Not Being Unreasonable

In My Opinion

Thanks! Our main worry is how our son will feel having him here when hes only met him once before which he wont remember and having his parents away all at the same time. When we left him before he was much quiter than normal.

We are not thinking he is dodgy other than in a financial way- thats where things dont add up and my MIL has some means...

Your child, your call. Yanbu.
I hope your friends will be able to replace her as a babysitter for your 3 nights away.

Yes the friends have offered so it will be fine although more complicated for themn with work etc, im just sad MIL puts herself over him Nevermind, life happens.

YANBU - at all!!!

Just had to listen to the ranting of a friend who has found out that a guy she had met online had actually had another girlfriend on the side and had been lying through his teeth. I had the feeling that things just didn't add up about him too, and struggling to bite my tongue rather than saying I Told You So!!!

But other than that, this is going to be the first time your DS is away from you for so long, you don't want anything that might make it harder for him.

I wouldn't leave him with her as she will probably see him during that time. You need to trust your instinct and you don't have to explain them to her. If she is local to where you are if there is time you could try and arrange to meet up with them a couple more times before the wedding. There must be wedding stuff you need her help with and see how you son is.

If not don't leave him with them. you need to trust them both

No way! Noooo way! Even if he appeared to be the nicest man ever...no no no! You don;t know him and neither does she.

Sorry you are having this! What a mare! I bet you feel funny about leaving him even if she says she wont bring him...incase he "pops" by!

Could the friend hve him longer? Or is there anyone else?

YANBU

YANBU. My dad did something similiar - he told me that he would not look after DS1 for the odd day unless his latest internet squeeze was present (and there have been a fair few...)I didn't know these women and didn't feel comfortable about it so I told him that there was no need for him to look after him at all and explained the reason why. He changed his mind.

He is your child and you choose who looks after him. If MIL will only look after him with the new man present then I wouldn't leave DS if I wasn't happy.

No, trust your instinct. Many years ago, my mum wanted to take DS1 & 2 away on holiday for a few days. I said yes, but as long as she did'nt go with her new man, who I never trusted as far as I could throw him. (which was justified in the end) She assured me that it was just her and the boys, and I trusted her. When they got back, the boys told me that the new man had been there all along, and not only that, she had told the DC's to lie to me and tell me it was just them and DM.

We didnt speak for at least 2 years, and she just never understood why I couldn't trust her again, and never did until he was out of the picture.

YANBU.

Your MIL is. She really should be able to see what you are saying and if she can't I wouldn't leave DS with her to be honest.

Of course you're not being unreasonable! Even if you thought this man seemed perfectly nice, your child is only 2, and shouldn't have to cope with a strange adult when he's away from his mum and dad. In fact, that might be a better reason to give to your MIL (ie., that your son is nervous of meeting a stranger)?

Sorry - MIL = mother-in-law (I guess you got that! )

YANBU. This man is a stranger to you.
Your MIL made a commitment to look after your DS, while you are on your honeymoon and she should honour that commitment and care for your child in the way that makes you happy, so that you won't have anything to worry about while you are away.

Tbh, she sounds selfish and I think you should make alternative arrangements. I wouldn't want a strange man staying in my house with my babies either. I think that you can't guarranttee that she won't bring him over while you are away anyway.

MIL is very selfish and immature. YANBU.

Stick to your guns - find a new sitter via a professional agency or ask a friend or another realtive.
MIL has a darn cheek!!