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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the health visitor is OTT?

58 replies

CeeCee123 · 21/09/2010 18:00

DD is 8 weeks old and had a weight check today. HV asked me if I thought she was growing/developing and I said that she was definitely growing but not as fast as DS. Both are/were only breastfed. He was 4 weeks early but had a massive growth spurt (gaining about 400g a week for about a month - he did nothing but EAT!). DD was full term and has been gaining weight at a much more typical pace and is sticking to the 25th percentile.

She then asked me if I expressed milk to make sure that there was a good supply. I told her that if anything, I've had more of an over supply than an undersupply. I also told her that I pumped enough for DH to give her a bottle about 11pm, and that she then will generally sleep until 5am.

The HV then informed me that I should really consider getting up at about 2am to give the baby another night feed and that this could "really make the difference" in terms of her gaining weight. She seemed to be suggesting that it was important to get her off the 25th percentile and that I shouldn't let her sleep so long. I did point out that she was tracking to the 25th percentile and I've always been under the impression that as long as the baby holds their curve, there is no need to worry. She just kept insisting that I should wake the baby in the middle of the night to fit in another feed.

DD is a very contented baby. When she is awake she is alert, smiley and very lovely. She does not feed nearly as often as DS I would have given one of my organs for DS to have slept for so long at 8 weeks. As it is, my day starts at 5 to feed her and then get up with 3yo DS who is raring to go by 6 so I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the prospect of a 2am wake up alarm. AIBU to think that the HV is OTT and to let sleeping babies lie??

OP posts:

IsThatTheTime · 21/09/2010 19:54

I had exactly this with my DD1, HV was using terms like "failure to thrive" etc, v emotive stuff. I dutifully set my alarm for 2.30am about 3 times, thought "what a load of bollocks, are you insane?" and stopped. BUT it's just another straw on the camel's back of "breastfeeding is difficult, you're not doing it right, you're denying your child the nutrition she needs by insisting on BFing" etc, and I'm sure it contributed to my starting mixed feeding earlier than I needed to (if I ever needed to). I hate this sort of thing, not only is there no point having HVs update weight charts if they don't understand them and how they work, they shouldn't be peddling half-baked half-learned information as experts anyway. They should sack half of them (the shit half, obviously) and reinvest in BF counsellors.

And breathe...

CurlyCasper · 21/09/2010 19:56

Nonsense! My 12-week-old is sleeping through but doesn't seem to be eating more in the day to make up for it (FF since 6 weeks, so I know how much she is getting). I was concerned - until her last weigh-in put her in the 50th centile, up from the 0.9th at birth and 14th at eight weeks! Baby will let you know if more food is required. And you will know if there are any problems.

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 21/09/2010 20:32

Ignore.

My DD is between the 2nd and 0.4th centiles, it took a visit to the paedatrician and an official letter from the same to get my HVs to leave me alone and stop bullying me into formula feeding.

DD is now 1 and will always be on the small side but boy she makes up for it in other areas!

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 21/09/2010 20:40

Carry on as you are. Just because your DD isn't following the pattern of your DS does not mean it's a cause for worry - mine were different too. HVs do their best but there isn't a 'one size fits all' with dch is there? Also, I think it's easy for mums, as 'non-professionals'to have their confidence dented whan actually they do know what's best for thir own child.

As has been said, you don't have to see this woman. If you hadn't, there wouldn't be the doubt in your mind now.

mumoflittlemouse · 21/09/2010 20:48

My health visitor gave us this rubbish too when DD was tiny. Oh my gosh, what a nightmare that was as we tried to rouse our completely zonked LO (who, ironically barely slept anyway :( ) in order to give her the 'really important' extra feeds. We got incredibly stressed and upset, not to mention even more exhausted and she did not feed because she wanted to be asleep!
Your baby sounds like she is doing fine and after the first few days, when they may need a bit of persuading (ours didn't!) to feed, babies sure know how to let you know when they are hungry :)

Trust your own instincts. We swore we'd never try such madness again. Congratulations on your thriving, sleeping baby!! :)

fedupofnamechanging · 21/09/2010 20:52

Going by her logic, is she advising women to reduce feeds whose babies are above the 50th percentile?

I was always told (by a HV) that babies should be generally following the curve of whatever centile they are on. I expect your baby would be waking up at night if hungry

rpickett · 21/09/2010 20:59

YANBU can I just add these charts are for formula fed babies the scale is different for BF babies as I am led to believe anyway.
I tink it's great that mummy and daddy get some rest at night.

pointythings · 21/09/2010 21:01

And even if your baby wasn't tracking her centile, that is perfectly normal for BF babies. My two were all over the place in their first our months or so and the HVs just said yep, that's what they do' and didn't kick up any kind of fuss at all. Guess I was lucky!

TheCrackFox · 21/09/2010 21:06

Just ignore her. FWIW I didn't get either of my DCs weighed after their 6 weeks check. I think micromanaging their weight gain is very unhelpful.

witlesssarah · 21/09/2010 21:06

when I hear stories like this I'm so thankful I had good HV's. My DS dropped from 50th to 9th in the first 6 months of his life. EBF. The only advice I was given was 'eat more cake if you are concerned' honestly. They all looked at him, saw he was content, alert and well in himself and in the end told me that he needed to move from his pregnancy weight to his genetic weight (which seems to fit my DH who is slim and my DS who is still slim at 4)

If your DD is tracking a curve and you are both happy, go with it and ignore people who fuss you without reason

LadyThompson · 21/09/2010 21:10

My DD was born on the 25th centile and stayed on it for the first year of her life. She was FF, so I just wanted to offer a different perspective. No one was worried about her weight, and no one should be worried about the weight of your DD - sounds like she is doing well.

HeftyNorks · 21/09/2010 21:11

We're not all useless alibaba

FWIW I think the advice to wake a peacefully sleeping baby fpr a feed at night is utterly bonkers and I would not advise it given the same situation.

More like say "well done, you're growing her beautifully".

Am betting this HV is NOT a mother and can tell immediately that she does not understand centile charts.

strawberrycake · 21/09/2010 21:13

HV are slowly driving me bonkers so yanbu! My ds LOST this week, you would have thought his head had fallen off (I think looking at the evidence the different scales they used are slightly out).

HeftyNorks · 21/09/2010 21:16

Yep - different scales would do it strawberry although they are all supposed to be calibrated together. Main thing is if your DS seems happy and healthy - if so then the weight is not an issue. I only worry if there is weight loss and a Mum telling me her baby does not seem well - especially if very young.

strawberrycake · 21/09/2010 21:30

Look at my pics and you'll see how well he's doing...hee hee, great for his age.

HeftyNorks · 21/09/2010 21:40

Oh he is gorgeous strawberry - and a scholar already lol. Looks nowt wrong with him either...

SandStorm · 21/09/2010 21:55

Your HV seems to have some pretty odd ideas. Why wake a happily sleeping child to feed it when it clearly needs to sleep rather than eat?

I'd stop bothering with the HV if that's the advice you get. My first DD was prem so I went religiously every week, my second DD was late and I could see she was thriving so I think I got her weighed twice. Never did her any harm not to be seen.

Ignore.

AnxiousLand · 21/09/2010 22:29

Another mad HV!
tell the GP about her suggestions. You need your sleep and the baby is well fed and cared for, the silly cow!! xgoodluckx

backwardpossom · 21/09/2010 22:33

DS is on the 9th percentile and my HV says he's just small - he was exclusively breastfed for 6 months (he's now 14 months and still teeny) and I was never advised to wake him to feed him, or to top him up. Your HV is talking bollocks. :)

castleonthehill · 21/09/2010 22:56

My hv was concerned about my dd2 weight until I showed her my dd1 charts who was bottle fed then she agreed that dd2 who was bf was doing ok. You know if you baby is ok or not. It sounds crazy to wake a mummy and baby to make them more tied that will only serve to make mummy grouchy and produce less milk so in fact making a problem rather that solving one that's not there. Babies grow so quickly enjoy her. You'll doing fine

sunshineriver · 21/09/2010 23:16

Not read more than your OP, but just wanted to say, my Charlie (who's now nearly 3) has always been on 25th percentile. He's dinky compared to his friends at nursery, but so long as he's on that same line, I don't worry. The HV has never mentioned anything to me and I do think that your HV is being a little maybe old fashioned?

At the end of the day, YOU know what's bes tof ryour baby and that she is happy and healthy. It's rather unfair I'd say that she's making you doubt your parenting.

ChippingIn · 21/09/2010 23:25

CeeCee thankfully you aren't a nervous first time Mum! You do not need to wake him to feed him - it's NUTS. Frankly, I'd tell her that you don't require any other visits - anyone with that kind of advice is only going to stress you out, not help you!

HeftyNorks how the hell do you refrain from bashing your colleagues over the head? Sane ones like you are few & far between.

tinky19 · 21/09/2010 23:33

I was told this along with, - you might have insufficient milk supply because you are stressing about it!!!! WTF!!!
Ignore her. HV totally useless IMO go with your guts!

cory · 22/09/2010 07:38

As long as she is sticking to her curve, she needs nothing different.

But the advice given by an earlier poster, that as long as she sleeps she is not hungry, is potentially very dangerous. This is how my dd ended up in hospital: she gradually got weaker and weaker, so slept more and asked for fewer feeds. And I thought sleeping was a good sign. Nothing to worry the OP- but please don't give this advice again.

Also, the advice that if the baby seems happy and healthy, the weight doesn't matter is actually dodgy- not in this case, obviously, but as general rule (remembering that the thread may be read by other mums). If there is weight loss, or prolonged failure to gain weight (Not the case for the OP!), then that does matter quite regardless of how the baby presents. My dd seemed a very happy, contented baby: but she was gradually turning into a happy and contented little skeleton.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/09/2010 08:23

Hefty I'm sorry

I'll modify and say that it has been my misfortune and that of 90% of my friends to receive bad advice from our HVs on the subject of BFing and weight gain. My theory is that they don't like the fact that with BFing you have no idea how much milk the baby is getting.

To be completely honest I'm not sure that they do much better with babies who are FF. I've overheard plenty of conversations at baby clinic where HVs are saying 'ooh his rate of gain has slowed (well yes!), how many feeds are you giving him a day, how much is he taking?'. Making suggestions about adding feeds, switching to hungry baby formula when we are talking about great big robust babies that are clearly not in need of anything more.
The only result is that what was a happy confident Mum goes out with a worried frown.

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