That my friend's money has been stopped because her ex won't send proof he doesn't live with her anymore?

[nappyaddict]

My friend's ex is being a right cock and won't send proof of to the social to say he doesn't live with her anymore so they've stopped all her money. God only knows how he can do that to his kids. Surely it's common for ex partners to try and be difficult so the system shouldn't really rely on them having to send stuff in so the other person can continue receiving the right money? If they don't send it within a given time the social should be able to do something to make them. He hasn't bothered to change his address for his bank or anything so she can't even sneakily get proof herself.

do you think that you might be being unreasonable?

Does she have any other proof that she could send?

Can she get advice from the benefits helpline?

Oh, and she should tell him to change his address because any and all mail addressed to him will get put back in the postbox marked "not known at this address"

I havent heard of this before and have a few friends that are lone parents.

what a stupid rule.

Does she know where he is living? Can't she get the Benefits people to check it out?

She could try Women's Aid. They might have some advice about stuff like this.

Are you sure that she is not stringing you along?

When my partner left I just rang and told them.

She needs to ring the number on one of her entitlement letters and explain and give the address where he is - visting officer will go out - jobs a good'un.

She needs to get on to the benefits people and housing.

Playing devils advocate here- and not supporting his actions whatso ever. But the reason he may be doing this is as he doesn't have anywhere else to live and the housing may have advised him to keep his name on the tenancy as it is far easier for a woman with childern to get a place than a single man.

Could 'your friend' perhaps get a job? Then there would be no need for them benetfits people to mess her about and such.

Benefits are total muppets when it comes to this, though I do think that it's right. Why should they pay her money when they still think that he is living with her.

He does need to get his address changed.

If she contacted the people that she rents off, they should be able to help as she obviously needs to now have the tenancy in her sole name (sorry I'm assuming that she rents). When she's got the tenancy agreement, she can pass it onto the benefits office. Thing is though that housing benefit don't usually backdate, and I don't know if the Jobcentre are the same.

IMO, she needs to arrange to see someone at the Jobcentre, explain her situation so that it is logged on their system (they have special people for lone parent applications) and then when HB/the council come back querying it later, they can refer back to the Jobcentre and fingers crossed that it'll be sorted.

Please can you remind your friend from me (as your mentioning her benefits I'm assuming that she's unemployed) - that after she's been off work for 26 weeks/6 months, being a lone parent, you get a £250 back to work job grant and also £40 a week "in work credit" for the first year. I hate to be teaching granny to suck eggs, but a lot of people are unaware of these and its really helped me this last year. I'll be skint in December when the weekly bonus stops, but it's really made the transition back into work much easier :)

Best of luck
Sarah x

Luckily his mum isn't as much of an arse as him. Even though she dislikes my friend she has rung them up and explained the situation for her granddaughter's sake. Something you'd think their own dad would have done, but alas no.

what was the reason behind the split in the 1st place.

I think he hit her.

so you don't know the reason behind the split

It was a while back now so I can't remember for definite. It was one of two things. I'm pretty sure he had hit her once and she said if he ever did it again that would be it. Well maybe just under or over a year later I think he did it again. Or it was because he left her and 2 kids on the side of the motorway or at the service station. He even woke the youngest up to get her out of the car. I can't quite remember which of these was the last straw that made her finish it though.

It doesn't matter what he did, they are no longer living together and she and the children should not be penalised for this.

When ex moved out I ring tax credits and let them know of the changes and his new address, that was more than enough.

As for the letters... write "return to sender" on envelope and post, eventually they will get the idea.