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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have various different reasons for wanting to punch in the face mothers of boys who...

58 replies

scatteredbraincells · 21/09/2010 10:40

...keep going on about how difficult life is for a parent of boys and how lucky I am to have a girl and I couldn't possibly understand...

Reason 1: I HATE competitive misery... who's life is harder than everyone else's, who wakes up more at night, who's kids beat each other up more etc etc etc

Reason 2: It irritates me beyond belief when people assume they know anything about a child's character and behaviour merely by tis gender. What morons would expect them to be like is totally irrelevant to what they really are like. My son played with dolls houses until he was 9 and my daughter recorded a fart tape at 10, thinkin it's hillarious, both of which are opposed to what little ladies and little men should behave like (boak)

Reason 3: without trying to be dramatic, I find it pretty ungrateful toward life to have two or three healthy happy children that you can afford to clothe, feed and educate and complain about their gender. But then the complaining is not really complaining, it's a disgustingly obvious way to seek some sort of parenting medal, related to reason no.1

And I'm sick to the back teeth of being told that at least their children will be friends all their lives because they're all boys, while my poor children don't have any siblings to relate to!!!!!!!

I know I would BU to actually punch any of them in the face, but AIBU to want to? At least the one who told me that I'm very licky to have a girl, they're angels!!!! You'd think that she's never been a teenager herself

OP posts:

GeraldineAubergine · 21/09/2010 10:45

Well I probably wouldn't punch anyone but I can't see why someone would even say that. I have a boy and he's delightful but if I had a girl I'm sure she would be too :) so yanbu to find weird, pointless comments like that irritating.

EndangeredSpecies · 21/09/2010 10:45

YANBU but don't punch them, just play them the fart tape and go talk to someone more interesting.

LadyBlaBlah · 21/09/2010 10:46

It's called small talk. Bit of humour. Bit of banter. Bit of grass is always greener

It's not serious.

Chill it

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/09/2010 10:47

Perhaps they are just trying to make small talk?

There are some assumptions made about boys and girls that are perpetuated by advertising and television and not all children are the same.

wingandprayer · 21/09/2010 10:47

Lovely thread title

YABU to be getting so wound up about this. Your post is very confusing. You say you get congratulated on daughter and you couldn;t undertand boys, but also mention a son, and you say you're told your children (plural) "don't have any sibilings to relate to" - surely they do if there are children? Is there a big age gap or something?

DiscoDaisy · 21/09/2010 10:47

I have boys and girls and there is no difference in how hard it is. They all can be hard at times just for different reasons!

scaryteacher · 21/09/2010 10:47

I don't think all mothers of boys are like that, and as you are a mother of a boy yourself, are you counting yourself in that?

I am very grateful to have a boy, especially in light of the difficulty that some of the mothers of his female peers seem to be experiencing at the moment. I don't have to deal with periods/ make up/ female hormones/ clothes/ bitchiness etc. I just get grunted at sometimes, and I have to kick him into the shower.

bluecardi · 21/09/2010 10:48

people say stupid things - would laugh & walk away!

anonymousbird · 21/09/2010 10:49

YABU to get so wound up to WANT to punch, it's really one to just rise above, but YANBU to be pissed off about it. It is utterly absurd that people act in this way, I get the whole "oo, aren't you clever, one of each, you can stop now" type thing. FFS. Ok, I am stopping now, but it's such a stupid comment to make!

Yes, they are very different, and yes, each of them has their challenges or whatever, some of which seem to be related to whether they are a boy or a girl, but at the end of the day, they are both children, they are both ours, I feel utterly blessed and DD acts like a boy anyway! And who cares?! Not me!

So, to summarise, YABU and YANBU!

SpottyMuldoon · 21/09/2010 10:51

Despite my appalling parenting my children, 2 DDs and 1 DS, are all fantastic and I find it bewildering when people start a conversation about which gender is 'easiest' to deal with.

Original poster

scatteredbraincells · 21/09/2010 10:54

wingandprayer you do seem very confused...

They say I couldn't understand what it's like to have boys, instead of a boy and a girl, and that my children won't be able to relate to their sibling because they're different genders. A bit early for you, is it?

OP posts:

zazen · 21/09/2010 10:54

I love your name.. very post-10-rounds-in-the-ring!

Yes, the gender stereotyping is lazy, but a punchable offence? No, IMO.

Maybe people feel they have to say something, by way of small talk, and that's the irrelevant tat they come out with - it is the most obvious after all to the sleep deprived and distracted - especially where pink and blue are immediate gender indicators, and you may only get 10 seconds to have a 'conversation'.

So I think YABU to want to punch someone in the face!!
But I also find this kind of formulaic tripe very tedious.

Some brothers and sisters have wonderful relationships, and same sibs have dreadful ones - so not sure what that comment is about.... maybe it's the speakers experience which would be sad..

You can always challenge them you know?! Not to "It's A Knockout" but just ask them why they think that?!! It might move you to the next level!!

Love the fart tape BTW - something my DD would relish

PosieParker · 21/09/2010 10:55

Small children means boys are more difficult, when they get older I think girls can be.

Each child has a different journey, of course.

wilbur · 21/09/2010 10:55

ROFL at your daughter's fart tape - I hope you're keeping it for her wedding.

I do know what you mean, and I think there is some competitive misery going on with parents of boys (about mess, noise and so on). However, it also goes the other way. I have two boys and a girl in the middle, and now that ds2 is old enough to fight play with his older brother, the noice and chaos levels in our house have increased considerably. DD used to do a fine line in bodyslams as well, but she has grown out of that now. The boys are having a lovely time, btw, but it is wearing. Some friends who have one or two girls do look at us at times as they think the boys are out of control - simply because they do not experience the same kind of behaviour in the same kind of relentless way from their girls. So I feel judged, which makes me defensive, and probably leads to the kind of attitude you outline above. I would say though I have never said to another parent that my parenting is somehow more of a challenge because of the boys - that would be ridiculous, not to mention rude.

So, YABslightlyU, but I do understand where you are coming from. I would work on a patronising smile, rather than a face punch, for the next time you get annoyed by someone.

Original poster

scatteredbraincells · 21/09/2010 10:55

Thank you all, I will try to chill, it's just that I have endured 15 years of this nonsense and this weeked it all got too much...

OP posts:

MummyDayAndNightCare · 21/09/2010 10:55

On the flip side,my little boy is absolutely golden, doesn't tantrum, doesn't have bad moods etc etc but I am too scared to say it to other parents when they are moaning about theirs for fear of sounding like I am gloating!

No competitive misery from me, would be the exact opposite in fact!

zazen · 21/09/2010 10:57

Play nice scatteredbraincells!!!
Maybe it is a bit early.. but at least you got some answers.. be gracious now.

zazen · 21/09/2010 10:57

X post sorry!

Original poster

scatteredbraincells · 21/09/2010 10:58

true zazen, true

OP posts:

becaroo · 21/09/2010 10:59

It can be very annoying when people assume that because I have two sons I must be longing for a girl I'm not, but if one came along I am sure I would be happy about it!

Smile, nod and walk away. Its not their fault they are morons

Francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2010 11:02

I want your dd's fart tape! I'm sure my ds would love it.

I agree that gender stereotyping is annoying. But I also have a small number of friends who are smug parents of girls, and - as Wilbur has already pointed out - they can make me feel defensive about the level of noise and action caused by my son (and happily copied by dd).

wingandprayer · 21/09/2010 11:07

No actually, I've been at work since 8.30 and am just enjoying a coffee break, but thanks for being patronising.

Your first paragraph is ambiguous and 'siblings' means a person's brother or sister, not specifically someone the same gender as them. Hence confusion.

for my coffee I think.

sparkle12mar08 · 21/09/2010 11:12

I don't complain about my child's gender, I complain about mothers of children of the opposite gender who belittle me and my own children because of their gender. See the difference?

Original poster

scatteredbraincells · 21/09/2010 11:15

That's exactly what I'm doing here sparkle, so I get you. And to think that I have both genders, still it winds me up

OP posts:

2shoes · 21/09/2010 11:19

yanbu
but there is always someone who wants to do the woe it is me stuff.

like my SIL who compared me having a disabled child with the hassle of her dd's wedding!!!(and I get the oh it is so hard for SIL so much as she has 3 boys!!!) so I get you

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