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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For moaning at the head and thretening to take the kids back home?

37 replies

Marne · 21/09/2010 09:19

Dd1's friend was sick yesterday at lunch time and sent home, her mother has sent her straight back in this morning, the poor child looks rough Sad. Dd2 has Autism and when she gets sick she often ends up in hospital as she will rfuse to drink (dhydrates). I have a phobia of being sick which i am waiting for therapy for (i am shaking at the thought of getting sick).

So i thought i would mention to the head the '48 hour rule' which they print on the news letter every month. I am angry that a mother could send her sick child to school (this is the 2nd time she has done this) and risk other children getting sick. The head refussed to send her home so i said i would take my dd's home, he didn't like this idea and offered to keep the sick child away from my dd's Hmm. So i have left the dd's at school and am now worried sick that dd2 will get ill (we move house in a few days and i could do without any extra stress or illness.

Why do parents have to send there sick kids to school?

Am IBU? The head seemed to think i was.

OP posts:
sapphireblue · 21/09/2010 09:30

No I don't think YABU. It's totally irresponsible of the girl's parents, not to mention awful for the poor girl who probably spent the whoe day feeling ill. I guess they do it because they have to work and don't have any childcare.

purplewednesday · 21/09/2010 09:36

Because if you are a parent with a job that is difficult to cancel and get cover at the last minute, its sooooo hard when your child is ill. One mum I know is a surgeon - she can't cancel an operating list...

It depends on the reason the child was sick; if it was a D&V bug then the child would still be symptomatic and there would be an obvious need to stay at home.

If they vomited because they were shoving too much lunch in their mouth / running around / gagging because someone was doing something daft like eating leaves (my DD was sick after watching another one do this) etc, then it would be entirely reasonable to return them to school.

I sympathise with your phobia, but I'm afraid thats yours to deal with.

Getting small children to keep fluid intake up is hard - have you tried the trick of a 5ml syringe/ teaspoon full every 5 mins?

The 48 hr rule is really hard to police - you never know on a monday morning what happened to the other children in the class the day before.

Not easy. You're not BU as such, just take a deep breath and look at the bigger picture. Grin

Anenome · 21/09/2010 09:39

YABU

The child may look rough bu that doesn't mean she is infectious.

I personally give my DD who is 6 an extra day if she is very ill or has been sick...but plenty don't see it as a problem...if the child is not hot or throwing up, they decide she is ok....that's up to them really.

When I was at school there was no 48 hour rule and I hardly ever got ill....they WILL come into contact with some germs anyway....this 48 hour thing seems like a difficult rule to implement....you cannot really override the head and insist a child is sent home!

Whilst I agree that some parents are feckless...others just go with their instincts...so yabu to try to tell the head hw to manage the situation.

Original poster
Marne · 21/09/2010 11:39

I know i am beings slightly U, but this phobia is hard to cope with Sad, also i always keep my dd's at home for 48 hours if they are sick even if they feel better. What is the point of the school having a 48 hour rule if they are not going to plolice it? I know its hard if the teacher does not know the child was sick but in this case they do.

I wish i could pull myself together.

OP posts:
TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 21/09/2010 11:42

YANBU - They should apply their own rules.

diddl · 21/09/2010 11:47

I thought that the 48 rule was for D&V?

If my child vomited at lunch & then ate at home & kept the food down I would probably send them in the next day.

Also, if your daughter gets ill, you probably won´t.

I have never caught D&V from my children or sickness even if I´ve been cleaning up after them every half an hour!

KurriKurri · 21/09/2010 11:48

If they have a rule they should apply it.

The 'I have an important job and can't get childcare' idea doesn't take into consideration the fact that others may have jobs and problems with child care too, so you are selfishly creating problems for them.

If your child is ill you have to deal with it responsibly, and have in place a plan for the illness eventuality.

Don't beat yourself up Marne - the other mum is being unreasonable not you.

BeerTricksPotter · 21/09/2010 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pernickety · 21/09/2010 11:52

I think YANBU. There's no point in having the 48 hour rule if it is not adhered to.

Yes, there are times when your DC has vomitted and as the day goes on it seems likely that it was a one off occurrence, but you can never be sure. I've had my DDs be sick and then be fine for a few meals and then be sick again.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 21/09/2010 11:54

diddl - According to a gastroentorologist my we spoke to, that's probably down to how you respond to the infection. Some people are much more likely to get sick than others.

OrmRenewed · 21/09/2010 11:56

Why was she sick? What about if she was sick because of something she ate, or because she got something stuck in her throat and the coughing made her throw, or got too hot at playtime?

Yes, if she's got D&V it would be a worry but it might well be something not infectious. And if a child had gone overnight without being sick again I'd assume it was OK. It's the D of D&V that would worry me more.

foxinsocks · 21/09/2010 11:59

I've never not caught D and V from the kids but dh always escapes (even though he cleans it up as I'm a sympathetic vomiter!)

if the child looks rough and is clearly unwell, I'm sure the school will send her home anyway

and it's not always working parents who shove their kids back into school when ill!

you know what parents are like at school, some follow those rules religiously, some will never bother. Is v little that can be done but I'm sure the school will send her home if she is still clearly unwell.

becaroo · 21/09/2010 12:07

Your phobia aside -YANBU

Some parents who work outside the home think its perfectly reasonable to send their kids in sick - These are the same parents who treat school as free childcare.

My friend is a TA. She used to run lots of (free) after school activites from 3pm til 4pm eg; choir, 1st aid, etc but stopped as some parents were not picking up their children til 5pm!!!!!

This is the same school where a mother refused to leave work and go to hospital with her ds who had had an asthma attack. She told the school secretary that it was their responsibility.

Very, very sad.

If your child is ill you should care for them. Thats your bloody job!!!!

becaroo · 21/09/2010 12:09

BTW NICE guidelines state that ALL schools should adhere 48 hour rule i.e. no child should return to school for 48 after the last D&V.

The head at this school has not done this - request clarification from the school governors?

Pernickety · 21/09/2010 12:11

Let's not bash working mothers though.

becaroo · 21/09/2010 12:11

...and as another poster has rightly said, its not always working parents who do this!!

Pernickety · 21/09/2010 12:13

Or working fathers. Workplaces are often not sympathetic to people having time off if their child is ill.

becaroo · 21/09/2010 12:16

Thing is pernickety its not always working parents who do this, is it???

I also think the "my job is far too important" line is really spurious. People who use this excuse are, in effect, telling their chldren that their job is more important than them. Not good.

nameymcnamechange · 21/09/2010 12:17

Yanbu.

What kind of excuse is "it's very hard to get childcare"???

Unbelievable.

Marne, fellow sufferer here, well done for saying something to the head. Why not email the school and ask them to reiterate this rule in the newsletter?

Original poster
Marne · 21/09/2010 12:17

No, its not always woorking parents, the head said if he phoned the mother she was likely to be too busy with work to come and get her daughter (she managed to pick her up yesterday).

Is there anywhere i could find a copy of the NICE guidelines?

OP posts:
becaroo · 21/09/2010 12:18

Online marne

chipshopchips · 21/09/2010 12:23

YANBU

The child should not be at school.

Parents working is no excuse!!!

You know when you have children that they may be ill- if you can't take time off work then you should have alternative arrangements in place to look after them.

School is for education not babysitting.

Sassybeast · 21/09/2010 12:29

HPA guidelines are very clear - it's 48nhours after the last episode of D 'OR' V

www.hpa.org.uk/web/HPAwebFile/HPAweb_C/1274087715902

Perhaps the head would like a copy ? Wink

Original poster
Marne · 21/09/2010 12:32

Thank you, tempet to take a copy into the head Grin.

OP posts:
lostinwales · 21/09/2010 12:38

YANBU, I hate this too. I know one mum who sent her daughter into school when she had been throwing up in the night. She (the mum) said she was too tired after being up with her in the night to listen to her whinging all day Shock.