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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that men have no idea what it is like to be a new mum?

30 replies

poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 22:47

My date says he can't believe I havn't dated for two years.
Er... because I was pregnant and then had a tiny baby and toddler to look after. I didn't have time for anyone apart from dd and me. I enjoyed it and could handle celibacy because breastfeeding killed my sex drive anyway. I really wanted to establish myself as a mum before jumping on the next relationship bandwagon.

Can men not live that long without a relationship and/or sex?

I mean he's a single dad. Was there for the first two years.Surely he realises how tough the early years are?

He sounds so lovely but why I am annoyed by his statement? Oversensitive methinks.

OP posts:
gammy · 20/09/2010 22:52

He probably meant that it was because you are so gorgeous. take it a s a good thing

Numberfour · 20/09/2010 22:53

what gammy says. Smile

Valpollicella · 20/09/2010 22:53

I wouldn't have had the time or the inclination in the first 18mo/2yrs

Sure he was a single dad for two years. But he didn't have to deal with the bleeding nips/mastitis/losing the baby weight/going back to work vs spending time with your child guilt etc etc etc

YANBU that some men have no idea

scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 22:53

oh lighten up,you got a compliment,not like he sniggered and said oi goblinchops see why you aint pulled in 2 years

and dont bother regaling him with the answer you just posted either

enjoy fact you had nice date and stop pondering over sweet fa

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 22:54

He hasn't met me yet. Only seen my photo! We meet on Wednesday. Gosh- I am sooooo oversensitive/feminist/.cotchety about my situation. I don't want to scare him off.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 22:56

start tittering that chuff you just posted and he will run.v fast

unclench

enjoy

and dont drone on about the servitude of single mumdom,bf and hard done to

wear matching set and hope for some bed action instead

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 22:57

And part of me wondered if he was amused that I hadn't dated for two years. Well when I meet him in the flesh I'll find out what he's really like.

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 22:57

Bed action would be fab!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 22:59

so matching set,chilled out and no soliloquies about how 'ard has all been

Pan · 20/09/2010 22:59

"Over-sensitive?" You think? Grin

gammy · 20/09/2010 23:00

scottishmummy bad advise there. Don't wear matching set and don't shave your legs. Everyone know you never get bed action when prepared. Its only when you've got your big knickers on and Shetland pony legs that any fun comes knocking.

scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 23:01

haha shetland pony legs.im using that any opportunity

Valpollicella · 20/09/2010 23:02

Gammy Grin

When you're wearing the last pair of clean pants but they happen to be the greying fraying pair, yes?

Pan · 20/09/2010 23:03

No. Shave legs. Def.

went without bed action for five years whilst dd was growing up. yessiree, I know how hard it can be........

scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 23:04

aye - period pants.the skanky baggy ones.formerly white.washed with black jeans

scottishmummy · 20/09/2010 23:05

listen up,pluck,preen and squeeze into summat matching

mathanxiety · 20/09/2010 23:07

And are you wondering why he's a single dad? Because I'm not.

That comment would be ringing alarm bells for me tbh.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 23:16

I'm no way going to sleep with him on the first date. No way. He can wait.

Yes- mathanxiety. Why the alarm bells? Tell me why you would be getting them.

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 20/09/2010 23:17

I'm going to look my best but I'm not so desperate for sex that I'm going to jump him on our first meeting.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/09/2010 23:38

The bells would be there because he seems not to know what new motherhood entails just in terms of time and effort, not to mention the emotional pull of having a new little human to care for 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and nights too; and as you are a mother, and there's no turning off the 'mother switch', that could cause problems.

I think I'm wondering did he notice all the work his ex-wife/partner was putting in and accept it, or did he resent her attention to the DC/ DCs, and is that why they are now divorced/ separated? Just remembering back to things my ex said that made it clear that he couldn't for the life of him cope with the deflection of attention away from him and to the baby. He took it personally, resented the DCs, a very angry, jealous man.

I think you are in no way oversensitive here; I think you may have very good radar. It's a really strange thing for a man to say if he had ever experienced and learned from the first two years of his child's life and the life of the child's mother.

Kiwiinkits · 21/09/2010 01:02

Give the guy a chance before assuming the worst. Mathanxiety COULD be right, but then again she could be totally wrong. Go in with an open mind PoshSingleMummy.

mumof2point5 · 21/09/2010 04:48

my glass is always half full, so i would think he meant how has someone as wonderful as POSH not been swept off her feet before now and he is so lucky to be meeting you this wed!

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/09/2010 07:08

mathanxiety

Thats alot to read into a abit of flirty net text.

Lizzylou · 21/09/2010 07:24

Just meet up with him, he was probably just trying to make conversation/pay you a compliment (most likely imo).
Or he could be an arse.

You'll never know unless you meet up with him. Picking his comments to pieces now is fruitless, when you meet him in rl you'll see more than just black and white words on a screen.

And yes, depilate and have matching undies on.

Rofl at Shetland pony legs.

sunny2010 · 21/09/2010 07:32

My friends and people I know who are single mums waited no way near 2 years to meet new men so I suppose he is going off his experiences. Most are out on the pull after about 2 months. It doesnt matter how you do things though as everyone has different circumstances but I doubt he meant this is a horrible way.