to think that parenting differently does not equal parenting wrongly.

[Gigantaur]

I am not one of these anti judgey people, in fact i own a very fine pair of judgey pants that i wear frequently.

but i am so bored of threads and RL conversations where one mum is slagging off another because she parents "badly" when in fact all she actually means is that she chooses to parent differently.

Unless a child is being harmed by the parenting style then how about just backing off and minding you own fecking business

YANBU

I agree 100%

Well said Gigantaur.

YANBU at all.

YANBU, haven't been here long and have already noticed several very strange complaints being repeated. I think Mumsnet should put up a screen like this every time you want to post in AIBU:

Is your post about the treatment of someone else's child?
If no, please continue. If yes, please find the correct option below.
Your issue:

Haircut
Does the child's hair reach their toes and/or contain birds nests/other objects?
If yes, please post. If no, turn off your computer and stop worrying.

Diet
Is your complaint that the child is vegetarian/vegan?
If yes, please go and LOOK UP these diets so you know how silly you sound complaining about it.

Manners
Please look at your own child. If your child is perfect, please feel free to post about others.

Child's name
Was the child being openly mocked when you encountered him/her? If yes, please feel free to post about it. If it was only you giggling, please be nicer.

Yes, you're right, Gigantaur.

But surely the problem comes in the last part of your post though. Some people feel a child is being harmed by some parenting styles - especially if it involves smacking, crying it out, ear piercing etc.

Isn't that why people are worried about 'bad' parenting, because they feel rightly or wrongly that a child is being harmed in some way?

whilst there are some subjects that are good to discuss and debate i am thinking more along the lines of

"aibu to think a 4 year old should not be having ketchup"

or

"i am so upset, just seen a mum call her DS a little devil"

etc etc

Whilst there are parenting styles or methods that you don't want to use for you children that doesn't make them wrong.

Love it Sky

Absolutely true Gigantaur.

There have been some shockers lately, the Tuc crackers, the playing alone in the park, to name a few and I said so on them too.

I suppose though, to an extent, we all think our way is the correct way or we wouldn't do it.

But most with an ounce of sense also know that every child is different, every family dynamic is different, and every person/parent themselves is different and therefore there is no one-size-fits-all.

I do love just observing "extremes" though - be it a major facilitator - totally baby led in every way regardless of who its doing good - and I am talking extreme - and regulators - the makes Gina Ford look like she broke her watch and bought a sling type - and the dynamics they bring.

Lets face it most are somewhere in the middle and none of it is truly wrong unless its really really not working and even then its only a problem if its a problem.

SloanyPony has it in a nut shell-one size doesn't fit all. What is 'right' for one family isn't 'right' for another. Even within the same family you often can't treat every DC the same. It is all based on personalities. Mothers invest so much of themselves in parenting these days that they have to justify it by thinking it 'wrong' if people don't follow the same methods. If not 'wrong'- then definitely inferior.

Yes, but if we all agreed on this point (and I think you're right too) then there would be far fewer threads on MN - unless they were all lists of people agreeing with each other :)

yanbu
but this is mn

but its ok to be a bit judgey if it is worthy of judgment - like big fat bloaters in bikinis or women in white leggings that are see through yet they were red polka dot knickers..that sort of thing.

but to come on and mona because someone gave a child a crisp or left them to play in a park? FGS.

some people need to get a grip and realise what's important

YANBU. When I start becoming a precious about DS's interaction with other members of my family (the plying with smarties and late bedtimes, not playing with chainsaws or stuff), I just remember back to when I was a kid. The different ways I was treated by my grownups taught me so much more than if my mum and dad had had their way all the time.

YADNBU. BUT without those type of threads MN would go the same way as NM . I'm off to find the Tuc crackers thread. I haven't seen that one.

Nyanbu.

I think as long as a child is clean, warm, fed and watered well, everything else is up to interpretations (within legal limits obviously!) I don't smack, but i wouldn't tell someone they were wrong to do so, as i have no right, i am not the law. Or other variations such as diet. I was very pleased to see recently my son (4) was not really sure how to eat a burger. lol. My friends thought it was strange especially when they learnt he has only had 2 mac d's in his life (i thought that was too many to be honest.

My way is not how my neighbour would do things, but no one is wrong.

Unless they harm the child.