To not want my friend to tell guests at a wedding I am pregnant before 12 wk scan?

[Pixipie]

I am 10 weeks pregnant and keeping it very quiet as I want to make sure everything is okay with the 12 week scan before I tell people. I went to a wedding at the weekend and saw a friend I hadn't seen for a while. I think she guessed I was pregnant as I wasn't really drinking, but instead of keeping quiet she told a few of my other friends that I was pregnant (who have since told me). She then approached me quite late in the evening (she was pretty hammered by this point) when I was with a group of people and announced "it's okay, I know you're pregnant". At first I just took her aside and said "okay, but I don't want to talk about it as I'm not 12 weeks yet". She then kept going on and on "I'm so pleased for you" etc in front of a whole crowd of people, so eventually I just lost it and basically had a massive row saying how dare you tell people I am pregnant before I have told anyone etc. I am so upset she has taken away my 'special announcement' as all my friendship group now knows. She has since texted numerous times to apologise, but I am just seething! AIBU?!

That's very annoying, I would have been so upset too. I found trying to disguise my pregnancy at weddings (had five to attend!) a real strain. People are obsessed with what you are drinking if you're a recently-married woman in your thirites!!!

At least you won't now have to contend with the smug "we guessed it" brigade when you do announce your news. Grrrrrrr.

There must still be lots of people to tell once you're past 12 weeks, surely everyone you know wasn't at the wedding? Just make sure you enjoy telling them and enjoy their lovely, warm, thrilled responses - congratulations by the way!

OP YANBU

I agree with SGM.

Nancy - completely agree! The drinking thing is true - before I found out I was pregnant I went to plenty of weddings early in the summer where I didn't drink as I spent most of the day running around after my DS aged 2!
Stewie's Mom - my friend is a gossip but hopefully my reaction to what she did will make her think twice in future about gossiping about other's people's private news. Or not...who knows?!

YANBU to be fuming at your friend's comments- this wasn't her special news to share, not to mention the multitude of reasons you could have had to keep it quiet for a while (previous MCs, IVF, etc etc).

However if she's an otherwise good friend it might be best to accept her apology, blame it her having to much to drink.

If she's a bit of a blabbermouth already make her grovel a bit longer!

Congratulations to your news btw

Oh I would be absolutely livid! Last pregnancy, I told someone at work (I had to) but made it clear that it was not to be spread further. I was so angry to then find out that he had told 2 other colleagues, one of whom spent an evening raising eyebrows and making not very subtle comments when i wasnt drinking at an event. 2 years on, the furious email I sent the person I had told still makes him wince whenever he thinks about. I am pregnant again, and he certainly be the last person I tell.

YANBU. I would be livid.

I love the joy of telling people I am pregnant. Once you tell them and everyone knows, thats it!

DH gave his mum a word in her ear as she phoned and told SIL even though she was specifically told not to. It was our news to tell, no one elses, like yours.

YANBU ... I would be really upset if this happened to me. I'm having IVF at the minute and I'm dreading how it'll be at work if its successful. The ladies I sit with know what's happening (mostly because I was constantly out at appointments) but they've been discrete so far, but others won't be I'm sure. It'll be difficult as we'll find out at 2 weeks and I'll be trying to keep it quiet until 12 weeks.

Livid is a good word! Looking into it a bit further I think she may be jealous as we went to uni together and I am married with a DS aged 2 and another on the way...she however has had a string of failed relationships and is now desperate to get married to her latest boyfriend but it doesn't seem to be on the cards. I think maybe a combo of being at another good friend's wedding & lots of wine made her act in a way she might not usually.
Thanks for all the congrats messages btw - can't wait for the scan on Thurs so I can tell the (few!) people she didn't!!

YANBU.

BTW - when a colleague tried to out me as pg before I wanted to announce it, I looked really indignant and said "Are you calling me fat!?!? I know I've gained a couple of pounds, but do you really think I look pregnant?" look sad at this point. Mutter about never wearing that dress again.

The person in question will look mortified, tell you that you're gorgeous and will slink off and if they tell others anything, it'll be about how they just made a massive mistake and thought that a woman who'd just had a bit too much cake was pregnant.

I'm stealing that one, can you post it on the other thread about what to say when caught not drinking? It's genius.

YANBU to be upset, I don't understand why people think it's okay to out someone else's pregnancy when they are not ready. If they are not pregnant, you are very wrong and causing embarrassment and upset, if you are right, THERE IS A REASON WHY THEY ARE NOT TELLING YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!!!! (can you tell I had the same thing happen with some nosy busybodies work colleagues?)

But YwouldbeABitU to stay angry with your friend, it sounds like she was very drunk and was really happy for you, and is now mortified.

Congratulations!

I was going to say it sounds like she's jealous, Pixi, even before your post about her circumstances. YANBU.

She's trying to "own" your news as a form of control. "It's ok, I know you're pregnant". As if you were trying to hide it from her especially. This suggests quite an ego at work.

If she would rather like to be married and pregnant herself, jealousy dictates she will tell herself that your (perfectly normal and acceptable behaviour) of not drinking and being a bit secretive is twee, smug and designed to annoy her, so she then got the urge to "expose" you and steal your thunder.

It's sad, really, and although extremely annoying, you could decide that actually, it doesn't change that you are happily married with a DS and another baby on the way (congratulations BTW!). Let her have her silly moment, feel a bit sorry that she's obviously jealous and exposed her own feelings more so than your news.

OP- I feel for you. Just text your friend back and explain you are grateful for her apology but are very angry at what she did. Talk to her again once you are less angry and can put it behind you.

A similar thing happened to me- my niece guessed I was pg, told everyone even though I asked her not to, and her 14 year old sister put it on Facebook. Without my knowledge. I was absolutely livid, as that part of the family don't get on with me anyway, and I didn't get the chance to tell people in my family whom I do get along with before it appeared on Facebook. People I barely know knew before my sister who is my best friend .

There is nothing to be done now however but forgive and forget; my niece who is 14 is too young to realise what she did is grossly inappropriate, and the one who told is too much of a bitch to care. Needless to say she will be bottom of the list when I announce the birth .

I totally feel your pain! I am nine weeks. close family and two best friends know but although this is my first I'm sure it's so lovely to start telling people properly after 12 weeks. All going well, I cannot wait and would be devastated if someone let the cat out of the bag.