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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to be a total misery this Christmas?

66 replies

BibiBlocksberg · 20/09/2010 13:28

So sorry to be raising a thread with the dreaded C word in it especially for my first post Grin

I know I probably am BU but would love to know what you all think.

Bit of background, I don?t have much contact with my own family and they live abroad anyway so they don?t really factor in the Christmas present line-up.

Been with my DP for last 8 eight years and guess I made a rod for my own back early on where the seasonal festivities (plus birthdays etc) are concerned.

Left to his own devices DP will go present shopping on xmas eve and since there are about 20 people to buy for (adults and children) I find this a tad stressful  (since I?m required to go along and help him choose)

So, every year for the last 6 years I have thought about what to get everyone (tricky, since we don?t see his family any more often than about 3 times a year)
gone shopping/ordered off internet and paid for it all as well incl cards, wrapping paper etc.

All while DP is moaning and asking how much is it all going to cost while simultaneously sitting on his butt and doing precisely nothing.

When asked for his opinion on any particular gift, he doesn?t have one.

So far so convenient for him ? to put the final icing on the cake I his family think HE IS wonderful for giving them such lovely presents since he doesn?t mention my contribution at all when it comes to the thank you?s.

Grrrrrrrrrr........!!

I have mentioned that I am thinking of being on xmas present strike this year for the reasons listed below. DP was shocked and told me not to be such a Grinch........

Two main points that make me think this year ?sod it, I?m sick of it and am not doing it again?:

? Money - don?t know why but feel really awkward asking DP to pay his share for his families presents. When I do ask he moans about how expensive it all is (it?s not when split between two!!)
and eventually I might get some money from him. Usually he just forgets all about it though and I then feel too tight and mean to keep asking.

? I am very careful in choosing presents the receiver will either like or will be able to use and his family have said they find the gifts they?ve received from ?us? thoughtful and they look forward to receiving them.
So, I cannot understand why I am the one who gets given the most thoughtless items of unsuitable dare I say it ?tat?. I seem to be the only one effected by this as well since everyone opens their presents together when we?re there for xmas day dinner so I see what gets chosen for others. I?m really really really not a greedy grabby person, I don?t even want a big flashy expensive present but a bar of galaxy chocolate wrapped up with an air freshener plus a bag of broken value biscuits really is the height of thoughtlessness in my book (gifts from xmas 2009) Even DP gasped when he saw that and that?s saying something!

Could list countless others but this post is long enough as it is.

Soooo sorry for the saga but am I? Would it be totally out of order to give everyone a card and a bag of homemade fudge this year and leave it at that?

OP posts:
Hedgeblunder · 20/09/2010 14:34

Oh god, I really hate it- I think regifting is only ok if you eBay it. It's never happened to me but I find it really hurtful. ESP re-mil perfume incident, I was skint last year and had to put in over time to be able to afford nice presents

Hedgeblunder · 20/09/2010 14:35

*happened to me before last year!

diddl · 20/09/2010 14:36

"It's tricky with DP though, since if the choice was left up to him he would try and get away with giving people nothing but 'the pleasure of his company' (his words)"

Well, I am a little bit with him on that tbh.

We haven´t bought really presents for adults for years-other than wine, chocolates, biscuits or something for the meal on Christmas Day.

We are abroad & when my Dad comes I´m afraid most years his present is having Christmas lunch provided & being "fed & watered" for the rest of the month that he stays!

fruitful · 20/09/2010 14:36

Obv, don't waste a good box of quality street on them if you've got a lavender-scented gardener's diary & colander set that would do instead Grin

tokyonambu · 20/09/2010 14:41

"Left to his own devices DP will go present shopping on xmas eve and since there are about 20 people to buy for (adults and children) I find this a tad stressful"

What on earth are you doing buying 20 presents? Your children. Each other. Maybe your respective parents. End of. If you are obligated to other people (why?) then Amazon gift vouchers. I do the Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve (often the sales have started) after I've gone to the supermarket first thing in the morning. Christmas starts with the carol service on Christmas Eve evening, and finishes at the end of Boxing Day. What's not to like?

I love Christmas. For 48 hours.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 20/09/2010 14:58

fruitful - "You're going to end up nagging him and going shopping at the last minute, or sitting there feeling bad at the crap presents (or lack of presents) everyone is getting from "you" "

You've hit the nail on the head exactly!

Also, I have wondered whether I should recycle the lavender, colander and tea bag tongs this year Wink

I'd love to be the one waiting for THEM to have to pretend to be really pleased with those sorts of 'gifts' (demonic grin smiley needed)

Nothing wrong with recycling per se but make sure it's something nice, re-wrap it and try to remember who gave you what are the basic points to observe there I think Grin

OP posts:
nomedoit · 20/09/2010 15:09

I think regifting is tacky, tacky, tacky but where I live in the US it is a way of life...

melikalikimaka · 20/09/2010 15:15

Christmas is for kids. end of.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 20/09/2010 15:17

nomedoit - am not a fan of it either and don't do it unless it's something really nice that I really can't/don't want to use.

I guess I wish we could 're-gift' sometimes since every present either one of us has ever been given HAS to be kept/stored according to DP.

Never have been able to work out why, sentimental Squirrel reasons I reckon......

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 20/09/2010 17:54

I know what you mean about every present ever given being stored, my grandmother was very much of that mind - although not to regift (horrible term)! After her death we found everything we'd given her over the years carefully packed away, presumably for a 'best' that never happened. Sad really. Still, I think knowing that she had these things stored gave her some pleasure. I hope.

JaneS · 20/09/2010 18:00

I think you need to become very, very, busy this Christmas and leave him to it!

Odysseus · 20/09/2010 18:04

I just had to add, I am loving the use of bulletpoints.

Oh, and let him squirm for a year, make fudge and let him sort the rest - or not!

AllGoodNamesGone · 20/09/2010 20:24

Next time you see his family make a jokey comment along the lines of "I've told DP he's in charge of pressie buying this year so you know who to blame if you get something bizarre!"

Then leave him to it. Grin

Pancakeflipper · 20/09/2010 20:35

Oh this is my Christmas!

Now I lurve picking pressies for people. But no one ever say thanks to me.... No they worship my OH who smiles and nods utterly clueless to what they received. And he makes me compile a spreadsheet on what I bought, for whom and how much. He even gives me a budget and I get brownie points if I get under budget.

His eldest sister lives abroad and has never sent us a pressie at Christmas so last year for the first time in 10 yrs I decided to not send her a pressie ( I never know if she received the others as never had acknowledgment). Boxing Day she phones her mother to pass a message onto me that her pressie must be lost in the post cos' it hasn't turned up.

So off to hunt out fudge recipes and cellophane bags...

GeekOfTheWeek · 20/09/2010 20:58

Pancake, I hope you told her to get fucked.

Pancakeflipper · 20/09/2010 21:03

nah Geeky, I was a disappointing wimp and in front of all the family said "oh dear what a shame. Don't know what happened there...".

My FIL then bored me for 20mins on how to make a claim from the Royal Mail - I think that was a punishment for telling lies....

Pancakeflipper · 20/09/2010 21:04

oh forgot to say - SIL won't be getting a pressie this year either. Darn that postman....

zipzap · 21/09/2010 00:26

Pancake - hope you said 'funny, your present got lost in the post this year too. And last year... And the ones before that... Grin

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 21/09/2010 05:29

Pancake: Shock @ cheeky relative and OH spreadsheet!!

Don't feel quite so hard done by now having heard that!

I reckon between us, we can re-do the old saying about missing a mortgage payment into....if you think no-one cares,try missing a christmas present Smile

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 21/09/2010 06:17

Give him plenty of notice that it is his responsibility from now on, then STICK to your decision. MIL peed me off royally a few years back so I told DH he was on his own - it's very liberating! Needless to say she hasn't received a birthday/Christmas/Mothers' Day card or present since.

Pancake - I would tell him to stick his spreadsheet where the sun doesn't shine Grin

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 21/09/2010 06:26

sunnydelight - do you feel like you get the blame for the lack of presents in a weird unspoken sort of way though?

I def. do plus know they blame me for DP's lack of attendance at family gatherings - they seem to think that because I'm female suddenly I'm at fault for not 'making' him go to these things.

Mind you I'm def NOT putting myself through the crimbo mangle again this year now that I have the opinions of all of you lovely people in the back of my head.

Hey, I might become properly rebellious if I spend enough time on here..... Grin

OP posts:
BeccaandEvie · 21/09/2010 07:05

I agree with PP who said tell him soon that you won't be helping him buy presents this year and explain why. I'd also suggest he doesn't leave it til the last minute if he's got 20 people to buy for.

We do the fudge thing (and truffles), I bought some lovely little boxes and bags off ebay to put them in. I do those from DD but I don't see why you can't do them from you as its more thought and time on your part - IMO.

I love Christmas, but I hate with a passion Christmas shopping. :(

sunnydelight · 21/09/2010 07:35

I'm sure I do Bibi, but I really don't give a monkeys. I know SIL will be blaming me for the non-arrival of a present for her daughter's birthday this year; maybe if she had said thank you for the Christmas presents I sent I might have continued.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 21/09/2010 08:54

Very true sunny!

Swore I'd never buy another present for his three small nieces and nephews after the year they ripped through their pressies at 110 mph an hour all accompanied by a chorus of 'got that', next present (hands held out, no please) - cheeky little blighters!

Fortunately their a little older and a bit more ahem grateful these days.

Sound like a victorian aunt don't I........Grin

OP posts:
gtamom · 21/09/2010 13:22

Bibi, sounds to me like this is family that needs to be given one large gift to them all, a World Vision Goat, or chickens type of thing.