Not to want DS1 to hand out party invites at school?

[Weta]

He's turning 7 and having a small party for 8 children. He wants to hand out invites at school and insists 'all the other children' do it that way (not strictly true) and that kids don't get upset if they're not invited (having been in this position himself).

I would be fine with it if we were inviting the whole class, or all the boys, but think it's mean to hand out invitations in front of people who aren't invited.

AIBU?

Kreecher that's absolutely appalling and I guess that's the kind of thing I fear (not that I think DS1 would do it like that!).

Ah, yes, I see. Much easier to do discreet handouts at a larger school. Our school (and class) is quite small. Good luck Weta.

YANBU.
Our school actually reminds parents re this once a year or so... post/hand over outside the classroom if not inviting everyone, ok to hand out at school if inviting everyone.

At 7 yrs they should be able to cope with not being invited to a party! I can't see why he can't hand them out-there are only 8 so it is not as if anyone should feel left out. I expect they all know who his friends are anyway so it won't be a surprise.

It must be easy to say "hard lesson kids have to learn" -- if your kid doesn't really have to learn it.

DC get invited to few parties, and appear not to know that (I seem to hear about way more parties than they ever mention). I would rather invites were always distributed very discreetly, DC don't need their noses rubbed into the fact that they aren't popular.

Thesecondcoming - let's hope your dd doesn't experience the nastiness that my dd1 has experienced.

As to your 'ffs' - the policies have been brought in place as part of the school's anti-bullying policies. And I'm glad that they have.

ok sorry mysecondcoming I did misinterpret it.

My son and I handed his invites out to the parents before school this morning. We do it this way because they could get 'lost' in book bags otherwise.

I think the whole not handing them out in class to stop the other kids being left out is silly - because they all sit there talking about who has been invited anyway - you cant hide it from them

I agree that it is made an issue by the parents. When I was at junior school I had 2 really close friends, so I really only expected to get invited to 2 parties-it didn't upset me not to get invited to parties of those who were not close friends. I wasn't in the least bothered about not being the most popular person in the class-I might have been if my mother had made an issue about it and got upset on my behalf.
Schools shouldn't need policies on parties-unless someone is using it to bully.Having 8 friends out of a class of 30 is quite normal-having 25 out of a class of 30 would be mean.

This is the sort of thing that parents just don't realise is a problem until their child experiences it.

cat64- I'm talking about the nastiness that comes with not inviting a child, as Kreecher descibes in her 13:48:07 post.

Unless your child has not experienced that, then of course you cannot imagine it to be a problem.

got to agree wit cat on that belgo.....my DD being 1 on occasions & really never bothered her much at all.........in fact she actually made a point of inviting the same girl who WAS a little minx & used the invites as a way of trying to bully her...to her own birthday party

& for the record, I have a very clear childhood memory of my Mum befriending a girls Mum at my new School so that I WOULD be invited to an upcoming party, as she felt I needed to mix more with my new class mates......I was mortified & so p'd off that I sat in a corner on my own & didn't speak to anyone all the way through, just didn't want to be there at all & couldn't wait for it to end.....so it can work both ways

I would have thought that the type of thing that kreecher is talking about is indicative of a wider issue of bullying and I suspect even if they didn't have the invitations to hand out, there would still be taunts of "your not coming to my party " in the playground.

yes it is a bullying issue hence the policies to try and avoid it.

but if thepolicy was going to be anyway effective , the school would have to ban any parties in the first place.As I said if invitations are banned from school, the fact there is a party in the first place is plenty gives the bully plenty of opportunity to have a go at the person they want to ostracize.

No Cat64, what my children would learn (if invites are handed out very publicly) is not "Every person learns that every person doesn't get invited to every party in life" but rather "I almost never get invited to any parties". It's really not something they need to ever learn at all, imho.

I am really surprised at the level of shock at the idea of school policies. I was in junior school nearly 30 years ago and I clearly remember the school having a ban on handing out invites publicly. Offenders against this policy wee actually punished. The school's view was pretty simple. Not everyone is invited. Some people hardly ever get invited. Therefore it doesn't need to be done publicly. It seems pretty basic to me. Children can learn lessons about not everyone being invited to everything without having their faces rubbed in it if they never get invites.