why are absent dads so up themselves?

[cinderella1973]

my sons dad has lost his job and says he is not paying maintances anymore who do i contact regarding this please?any help regarding this sort of thing plus he said he might get a job on a sunday which he normally see his son and takes him to football training

I get from the OP that the Ex has been immediately smug about not honouring his commitments to his son.

And yes it annoys me to hear that the NRP can just sweepingly cut the payments, and effectively dump the whole financial responsibility to his own child.

I hope there IS something that can be done.

I get it from the OP that the OP wants it both ways - she wants him to pay, and keep his current access arrangements - yet a way that he could be able to pay again (properly as opposed to £5 a week from his benefits) doesn't suit her.

I don't think it's unreasonable that if a NRP loses their job the payments can drop

Exactly the same as if they were living together and he lost his job - they'd immediately suffer a loss of income and have to make adjustments.

how does him losing his job and looking for another one = being up himself?

also, can you change the title of your OP to, "Why are some absent dads so up themsleves." please. many absent parents ar not as you say "up themselves"

I understand that, but just because he's lost his job, the costs don't stop, the responsibilities don't stop.

If he has communicated this with concern, rather than that wonderful blokish tendency of bluntly telling her that she's on her own financially, I dare say the whole issue may have gone down better with her.

But I'm making assumptions here, I'm well aware of .

You can't get blood out of a stone. If the money isn't there - which it won't be as he's lost his job - he can't pay. He doesn't sound like he's shirking anything - he told her immediately and is trying for a job on a Sunday. Work comes above taking your kid to football imo. He's probably grabbing the Sunday job just to ensure money keeps coming in and hopefully after that he'll get more work Monday-Friday so he can see his DS Sunday again. It's life. There's nothing to complain about here. MaMoTTaT is right, sometimes we all have to tighten our belts. Let's hope it's not long term. He hasn't just dumped all financial responsibility - he hasn't got the money coming in.

Perhaps as an interim measure the OP can find work, if she isn't working already, and the dad can look after the children while also looking for work?

of course the costs don't stop - but if they were still happily living together and he lost his job the costs wouldn't stop - but they'd have to make do. This is no different.

I'm sure it would have been obvious the moment he opened his mouth to say he'd lost his job the she was on her own financially not sure why the concern would have needed communicating in a long winded fashion - women aren't stupid - we can understand that a lost job=no/much less money.

CSA can only collect what is owed. There is no magic fund unfortunately. My ex hid his income and owes thousands but because I said I would collect maintenance direct there is nothing the CSA can do to collect those arrears. Only when I asked them to start collecting payments direct do they then have the power to collect any arrears that are subsequently incurred.

From what I can gather I think the CSA had a very heated debate with my fucker of an ex last week. I'm lucky that ds seems to be a well adjusted little boy despite his father and with his father's attitude I've resigned myself to the thought that no contact probably isn't a bad thing after all. My ex will be 50 this year so old enough to be an adult in his behaviour but actually less mature than ds who is 6.