to not drive 40 mins to drop DD off to her dads.

[redderthanred]

hes in the army and lives an hour away. Occassionally, say once a month, i go just over half way to pick dd up.

He is away up north on some training thing for six weeks and had just called me and informed me that for 3 weekends i will have to do the half way trip both on the friday and the sunday.

I cannot afford to do this. I told him so, but said if he could give me more money i would do it.

Massive argument follows with him accusing me of stopping him seeing his daughter, or being selfish. I tried to explain that i would do it, no problem, but i just cant as i cant afford it. ( it costs me about £10 each way. So its an additional £60 in one month that i cant afford)

He was shouting and swearing at me, as is his usual tactic. He then came up with the plan that his gf could come and pick dd up. But im not happy about that. As far as i know shes had several car accidents in the last year, plus she cried when i waved at her the other week. Plus she was having an affair with my husband.. its not something i want to happen.

So - i made my exuses and hung up, while he was shouting and guilt tripping me saying DD will hate me for it ( shes 4)

AIBU?

YANBU if you've not got the money to do it then you can't.

I wouldn't let my DC go in a car with someone i thought was unsafe driver, but are you sure that this isn't because, well, you don't like her?

YANBU if you genuinely can't afford it.

I also would not allow my DC to be driven off with an unsafe driver, again, only you know if this is genuine and if so stick to your guns.

If he wants to see his DD then he needs to make the neccessary arrangements if his life has caused the change.

yeah - she has reversed into several things and caused a lot of damage and writted of a car by driving into a ditch in the last year.

I cant afford it.

He has gone up north and wants you to change the usual arrangements? Why is it your problem?
I would not be letting the loon GF drive her or drive myself.
It's 3 weekends - if they had a fortnight in the sun then DD could miss contact for that -
he'll just have to live with it. I don't think at 4 your DD will miss out long-term.

"she cried when I waved at he last week" sorry but that made me laugh! Says it all!

YANBU Stay alm and reasonable as you have been...now way shold you let his GF drive your child..not with her history!

Jus insist that he either helps with the costs or you cannot come as the cash is not there.

If he keeps insisting his GF drive her, you simply say "That's not an option for me"...don't keep explaining yourself...he knows why!

Yes - he wants me to change to fit in with him

Ive just spoken to him again and said that i an sorry, but cant afford it. That if i could, i would. But i cant.

We are now sticking with our orignal plan that he has DD for two weekends running before he goes away. Then not for two weeks. The 3rd weekend he is away i will do one trip halfway. Then hes not home for two weeks anyway - so isnt able to see her then.

It makes me a bit angry. He only sees her 2 out of 14 days anyway, yet when hes away he can just say, i cant have her then, you need to do this. I dont get that option do i??? Then he berates me when i cant fit in with him.

I know. Mine keeps turning up and saying he can only stay for half an hour, then fecking off as he's "busy". But I clearly have nothing on
Still, we should be happy we don't have to live with them any more

It must be a nightmare at times...but at least he's there...cold comfort I know...but my DH's Dad dumped him when he divorced MIL and my DH was only 7...Dad gone totally out of his life...very hard.

at least hes there - shouting down the phone and me and being abusive.

sorry - just pissed off.

Thing is, i am being flexiable by swapping and chaning weekends and how things normally are to accomadate him. I just cant afford to drive there and back, twice in one weekend, for 3 weeks.

But he doesnt see it like that and just resorts to shouting and calling me names. Then gets all patronising and tells me im hot headed and fly off the handle when i tell him im not listening if hes shouting and hang up.

Yanbu i would never travel friday it's mayhem.if he wants to see dd.he can pay.

You don't have to put up with ANYONE shouting at you...even your DD's Dad...put the phone down..record him...sounds like he's got some big issues....hope things improve soon for you.