to want to moive from social housing into a privately rented place?

[HeftyNorks]

I may regret putting this in AIBU but here goes.......

I work part time as my son is autistic and needs me around a bit more than he would if he were not autistic. Finding child care was a nightmare when I worked full time and just as I reduced my hours to support DS so my LL decided to sell and I was given notice.

Thankfully the council house me and DS. It's only the local sink estate but I am so utterly grateful to have the place and generally I love it here. Unfortunately at the end of March this year I got new neighhbours - the original neighbours from hell. Since moving in they have left rubbish scattered everywhere, leave their dogs out to roam and poo everywhere, have been raided by the police and are generally noisy and loud. Virtually every other word which comes out of the mother's mouth is "fakkin" and her 4 year old son has twice been bought back by worried people who have found him wandering up the road. The older siblings are in and out of prison and the 13 year old daughter is a school refuser. Having them all next door is a nightmare but generally I am a live and let live person and accept them for what they are. I say hello and smile when I see the Mum and I talk to the 4 year old etc - even bought him a pressie on his recent birthday.

Last night though - last night I felt really fed up. One of the older sons who appears to live between his Mum's house and that of his partner was outside talkign to his partner and her friend and it all got heated before a massive fight broke out between them. I have to say that for once the son looked more sinned against than sinning and he was thrown against the wall by the two girls who proceeded to lay into him. I called the police at this point because it was looking nasty and just after I did so the fight stopped and the partner was screaming "take a look at your baby cos you aint gonna fakkin see him no more". At this point I realised there was a baby in a pushchair down there who had witnessed the whole thing. The baby looked to be about 6 months old but even worse showed no distress about the behaviour of his/her parents making me think it was commonplace behaviour for him/her to see.

Also my DS saw the whole thing and I had to try and explain that people should not behave like this and that I had asked the police to come and sort it out.

A bit later the other girl turned up and had a noisy cionversation with my neighbour until about 11.45pm (and I DO mean noisy) - it was all "fakkin this" and "fakkin that" and (my favourite) "fakkin social services".

When the fight was going on people in the block opposite where shouting cheerfully "another quite night on C*s".

By the time the police arrived they had dispersed and my neighbour hollered down "yer too fakking late officers" before telling them where they would find the people who were fighting. She also shouted down that they should call social services as her grandson had been down there! I did hear her later tell the other girl that if she had realised the baby was down there she would have gone down and calmed things down.

I don't know what to do to be honest. I like the place itself, I have no garden but that's managable as there is a park opposite. I am just so fed up with all the behaviour and tbh I don't want DS to continue being exposed to it all.

I generally don't mind my neighbour as she is friendly enough to me and I suspect that if the chips were down she is one of those people who would be there for you. On the other hand I don't think I want DS to continue being exposed to all this.

If I go back to privately renting it will be more expensive and I would need to claim housing benefit which I don't need at the moment as I can manage the rent here from my reduced salary. Also I do at least have security here which is important for my DS.

What do I do?

The ASBO team from the council are writing letters here all the time regarding complaints and I know they are about my neighbour. So far I have NOT complained as I genuinely want to try and live in peace with others but this is getting harder and harder.

You don't really need to ask do you? Get your DS out of there, every experience leaves an impression.

I agree with Riven, find out about an exchange, stating your reasons why.
Tho, I do realise that this will take time.
Its a difficuilt one. Good luck!

2 questions....can you pay for private? And why did you allow your son to "see the whole thing"?

I would have removed my child and put them in another room with the TV on loud.

I live in a privately rented house and it's very insecure...landlords ca decide to sell...it's not your home and it's bloody expensive. To move in here I had to provide a months rent in advance plus another months rent to cover damage which could occur.

I also had to be earning a certain amount before any agents would help me find a place...

Can you not complain and then get a swap? Get a doctors note...your doc should give you a note saying you are under mental stress with the nightmare neigbours...that can push you to the top of the list.

Hi Riv (it's JollyPirate btw - I name changed for this but not sure why).

Yes am down for an exchange and even have medical points but am so far down the lost I have little or no chance of being moved.
Am on the Homeswap website but nobody wants to move here... what a surprise.

Everything on Rightmove is up for minimum of £800 a month which is £450 more a month than I pay here and with the changes to the housing benefit am a bit scared of moving and then perhaps having to move again.

Will spoeak to the estate police officer I think as well.

Tis hard Anenome - my son is very inquisitive and I do exaggerate when I say he saw the whole thing - more like he heard the noise and was at the window immediately (he is very nosy). I was downstairs in itially and went upstairs when I heard the row to find DS sitting in my window with an open mouth virtually.

I am going to talk to the ASBO team now - I honestly don't think I can afford to move at the moment but if I save (or beg, steal, borrow - well perhaps not steal) the deposit within a few months then it might be more of an option.

I know exactly how you feel, we have a few unruly neighbours who, every so often like to entertain us.
I console myself with the fact that HAs and Councils have the power to evict people who are pitas.
We pay about £200 a month less than we would if we rented privately and that money goes a long way to improving our daily lives.
Councils and HAs have strict rules about carrying out repairs etc. so our present home is maintained better than private rentals.
And the most important one is better the devil you know.
Keep your relationship with your neighbours civil and keep a diary of any really anti social behaviour, you don't have to report anything but if it gets to the point where you need to you will have a stack of evidence and noone will know it was you who reported it.
Also regarding your son, at least he has examples of how not to behave, which words are bad ones and a lovely mum

I would complain incessantly to the HA. You should NOT hve to put up with this kind of behaviour. I would not move into private rental unless their really is no other option.

Get a good home cinema with surround sound and set it up to full volume when they behave like this. Blot it out!

Bizarrely I feel so much better for having had a rant in the AIBU section .

Thank you all for your thoughts.

DS of course has not even mentioned it this morning.

I hate to say it, but perhaps you might have difficult neighbours in private rental or owning your own home. My friend has bought another home recently and moved, almost solely due to their appalling neighbours. We also have the odd outbreak of incidents in our road, as although it's pretty nice at the bottom, at the top there's a lot of flats, which attracts drink/drug type people, and unfortunately, I've seen a fight last week, and also an incident exactly as you describe, where the mother and father and some friends started shouting (using the same language) and tussling over a tiny baby in a pushchair. I feel very sad about it. I'm sure there are some nice areas where this doesn't happen, ever, but my own experience recently tells me there's a real underclass group, who are drinking and doing drugs, and are really anti-social, and I've seen them on the streets, making trouble in supposedly 'nice' areas in small towns and cities. I also grew up on an estate like this, and learnt to duck/go the long way round when it all kicked off, but it didn't really bother me day to day apart from feeling like I didn't fit in particularly.

Of course, it might be worth moving away from them if they are starting to affect your day to day life. Even better if they got moved on themselves, but perhaps unlikely.

my feeling is that you will be very vulnerable in private rented accomm, esp in this climate. you could face having to move often and with little notice. that's a challenge for any family, but with your earning potential being restricted as a result of family needs, having to move could place you both under a lot of pressure.

buy a cheap diary, log every little incident, don't leave anything out. call the police every time an inicdent looks like it will escalate; the council will be informed of every incident, and questions will raised about their ability to maintain their tenancy. if you have neighbourhood wardens get hold of their phone number and call them when the situation is getting hectic; they can de-escalate situations, and act as witnesses to the issues you are raising.

as the family only moved in in march there is a possibility they will be on a starter tenancy, which is not secure. if this is the case (you may have no way of knowing whether their tenancy is secure or starter) time is of the essence; the council need to have no doubt these are problem tenants by next march.
when you deal with the council regarding either getting moved or having action taken against your neighbours use terms such as 'vulnerable young person'; such terminology acts as a reminder of the council's legal obligations towards your ds.
if you are entitled to legal aid consider enlisting the support of a solicitor to assist you getting a move. all of this can be achieved without your neighbours knowing what you are doing: i have done it myself.
good luck!

You can ask your GP or a consultant if you have one to submit a medical report to your local council to support your application to be rehoused.
Your council has the ability to rehouse for 'social' reasons.
You can submit police reports to support your reasons for moving.

CCTV is what I have and that can't lie.
As someone has already said, log everything, even the slightest thing.

I'm glad your DS has forgotten! It's distressing when you bring your DC's up carefully only to have some idiot act like that....my DD's ar 6 and 2 and we saw 2 grown men get into a fist fight at the Zoo!

I whizzed them away of course but they did see the begining of it...if it' any comfort, they do see/hear bad stuff and it jst serves to let them know how lucky they are to have good/calm parents!

I agree with th poster who says that they would call every day until you get placed in a decent street/estate...thosewho shout loudest and all that!

Good luck with it all

Hello,

When considering moving into private rented accomadation you need to consider how often you would need to move. I do not know what the landlards are like where you are, but round here it is almost impossible to get more than a 12 month rental, often only 6. Would your DS be able to cope with a huge change like that, that could happen quite often? I ask because I know my DD, who is also autistic could never manage it.

Have you spoken to your council. We had housing problems, surrounding the effect our housing situation was having on DD's autism. They decided we needed x y and z, including a private garden as our DD cant access outside play areas as a NT child would. The wait to be housed was meant to be 8-13 years, but the council gave us a lovely house, on a road nearly totally private, and full off lovely people, after just a 4 month wait.

I would definately recommend talking to your council, they may be able to help.