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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For worrying about my hairy daughters?

36 replies

compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 22:27

Ok. A bit of background. I've always been hairy myself (not helped by having olive skin and dark hair), take after my dad unfortunately who has to shave twice a day.
I have no medical or hormonal problems. Completely clear of PCOS and managed to conceive virtually instantly with both children despite being aged 37 and 38 respectively.
I started getting pubic hair aged 9 (although didn't start my periods until 12) and progressed to thick leg/arm hair from a similar age if not younger.
By 15 I was plucking chin hairs. Never had a mustache strangely enough...but anyway, it's not about me. I have had to adapt to a life of epilating, tweezing and shaving to face the world but to my horror, my girls aged 3.5 and 2 yrs have hairy legs already.
I am really upset for them and am scared they will blame me in later years for passing on the "hairy" gene to them.
I was bullied at school for being hairy. It wasn't character building, it was soul destroying and depressing. I don't want my girls to go through that.
Apart from saving up for laser hair removal sessions for them, what can I do?
I feel so guilty. I almost wish I'd had sons. Boys are allowed to be hairy.
Am I overeacting? Sad

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 17/09/2010 22:30

Yes Smile
Totally understandable though - you fear they will be bullied and want to stop it. I'd try and drop that belief - deal with life as it comes and help them feel positive about themselves instead.

Seabright · 17/09/2010 22:30

No, I don't think you are, you know what it's like, so you can plan for how to help them. So if you think laser hair removal as soon as they are old enough is the way to go, then that's what you should do.

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/09/2010 22:30

My daughter has hairy legs but she is blond so you only see them at certain angles I think it is normal at this age try not to worry they wont blame you... Do you blame your dad? it is just DNA...

LynetteScavo · 17/09/2010 22:34

You're not over reacting. ( I speak as a hairy legged one)

My boys are both blondish, and so have nice blond hairy (but not very) legs. DD is dark, with pale skin and sadly has hairy legs at 5.
(Not bad enough to be teased yet)

I've followed mumsnet threads on this subject closely, and the general view seems to be shaving is best. I'm not convinced, though. I think I'm going to have to find something else for DD in a few years.

fuschiagroan · 17/09/2010 22:34

Well. There are a hell of a lot worse genes you could have passed on, so no I don't think they will blame you! It's annoying, but not life-destroying. It's all dealable-with. Just make sure as soon as they become worried about (which, let's face it, they probably will because it is still massively socially unacceptable for a woman to be excessively hairy) you don't tell them it 'doesn't matter' or 'isn't important' but provide them with the means to get rid of it. It doesn't need to have a big impact on their lives.

Original poster
compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 22:34

No, I don't blame my dad but I do curse the fact my younger brother has sparse body hair (blonde like my mother) and only needs to shave once a week.
Genetics can be cruel!

OP posts:
Original poster
compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 22:42

Because I am worried about it, sometimes I examine DD1's legs and rub the hairs.
She looks up at me with a little anxious face and says "what's wrong Mummy?" and I feel so shit.
I know I shouldn't do that...Sad
I say "nothing, just rubbing your legs to warm them up."

OP posts:
musicmadness · 17/09/2010 22:44

Genetics can be cruel but as you know what it is like you can help them deal with it. I've got pale skin but very dark hair and still remember the sheer humiliation of being made to wear a short skirt for PE when my mum wouldn't let me shave. I spent most of Y7 grounded for constantly nicking my mum/dads razor to get rid of the damn stuff. My mum has very fair hair and you can't see the hair even if she doesn't bother shaving Envy. At least you know that telling someone that it doesn't matter does not make the person feel any better!

LynetteScavo · 17/09/2010 22:46

So what is the practical answer to deal with this?

I was teased from the age of 8, but always wore long socks or trousers. Until I discovered my dads razor at the age of 12.

What is the answer for a 9/10 year old girl?

ronshar · 17/09/2010 22:49

I can sympathise
I shaved my arms when I was 10.
I am still hairy. I am about to invest in IPL.
DD1 is same as me. I am going to take her to get her upper lip threaded soon. She is 10 and does get teased about it.

I would wait to do anything until/if the girls come home and tell you that the children are being horrible then get rid of the hair.

JaneS · 17/09/2010 22:52

music - oh, god, that sounds familiar! My mum didn't let me shave either (in fact, even when I was 17/18 if I left a razor in the bathroom by accident she would pointedly return it to my bedroom).

I wonder if it'd be worth talking to school later on about games kit - can they wear long trousers not shorts/socks? Wearing a short skirt was really embarrassing.

Btw, does the laser thing really work?

Original poster
compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 22:55

Ronshar, you are right. It's "possible" that they may have better coping skills/more confidence than I did. I really hope so but I don't want to make them feel there's a problem.
DP is not especially hairy (for a bloke) so I know the hairy gene most definately comes from me. Sad
I just hate the thought of them being bullied or (as I was) made to feel like a bit of a freak in the changing rooms after P.E.

OP posts:
ronshar · 17/09/2010 22:57

Not sure about laser I shall let you know. First session in October. I know lots of women who love the hair less ness.

Original poster
compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 22:59

LittleRedDragon, I have no experience of laser therapy. I believe the optimum results are on those with very pale skin/dark hair.
It is the price that puts me off (that and the fact you can't tweeze/epilate inbetween sessions) but I would do whatever I can to help my girls when they're older.
I comfort myself that by the time they hit their teens there will be a cheap, simple and fully effective treatment for hairiness in ladies.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 17/09/2010 22:59

Little girls are often very hairy, it's not a reflection on how they will be when they hit puberty - so please don't panic yet :)

There was a thread on here a little while ago about this, I think the general concensus was to shave their legs for them when they get to about 12.

I think the way girls are growing up so quickly these days, you should do something about it as soon as they are uncomfortable with it themselves (stop rubbing her legs!!!!). I would talk to her, explain the options and go with what she wants to try first. If I could afford it and if she wanted to, I would happily take her to have them waxed.

I would not make her 'rise above it' or whatever, until she was a certain age, that, IMO is pointlessly cruel.

JaneS · 17/09/2010 23:02

'I would not make her 'rise above it' or whatever, until she was a certain age, that, IMO is pointlessly cruel.'

Yes. That is what my rambly anecdote was trying to get at. Totally agree.

Original poster
compulsivegoogler · 17/09/2010 23:06

I agree ChippingIn and LittleRed, I would never force them to "rise above it." I know how vicious and nasty young teen girls can be.
And yes, I will stop rubbing/examining DD1's legs. It is starting to make her confused and anxious.
Great start eh? Sad

OP posts:
JaneS · 17/09/2010 23:10

Hey, don't beat yourself up. You know you're doing the right thing telling her you're just trying to warm up her legs.

Remember, it'll be immensely easier for her than it was for you just because you'll know how to help her though it (eg., she won't end up shaving with hand soap the way virtually everyone I knew did when we first started!)

poshsinglemum · 17/09/2010 23:15

I'd get the razors, cream and waxing strips out if they feel bad about it. Works for me and my hairyness. They are lucky to have olive skin. My dd does. It's lovely.

FiveOrangePips · 17/09/2010 23:18

Whatever you decide to do, I would let them know that you were bullied, and why, so you can have a discussion about it?

BrightLightBrightLight · 17/09/2010 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anenome · 17/09/2010 23:29

Stop stressing...loads of kids have this

My daughter has hairy legs...her Dad's Gran was half Aussie Aboriginal...so does Maddonnas child..Lourdes...she was happily wandering about hairy last year and she's in the media...when they ask you about it is the time to think about removal...not now.

TrillianAstra · 17/09/2010 23:48

1: stop fussing with their hair, you will make them worry about it

2: wait, while remembering not to mention or fuss with their hair

3: wait some more, and remind yourself that you are not responsible for the assortment of genes that you pass on to your children

4: if hairy legs bother them, talk to them about how some people are dark, some are pale, some are tall, some are short, some are hairier, some are less hairy

5: if it still bothers them, show them how to safely and effectively remove the hair

ohnororo · 18/09/2010 00:43

I would wait for them to bring it up with you when they are older and in the meantime try hard not to pay attention to it. It's so easy to project your own hangups and experiences onto your girls and you don't want them to worry prematurely. If they do feel self conscious or are being teased when they get older then I'd help them deal with it however you can. You never know, maybe you girls won't be bothered by it as much as you are. My sister and I are equally hairy and whilst I agonised throughout my teens she never really cared that much.

charmander · 18/09/2010 01:51

Agree with Trillian.
Think about what you can do generally to build their self confidence. Mean people will always find something to tease others about and it is a value skill to learn ( to deal with it, not to be mean).

I am not saying raise above it, but, for example, martial arts are supposed to improve self confience and have the advantage of covering you up! Which is not to say they shouldn't do ballet or swimming if that is their thing.

Anything which makes them feel good about themselves and their bodies has to be good.