to wish that my family would ask me what I want for new baby?

[Yika]

I'm expecting my first baby in 3 days' time.

I feel hurt that my mum and other close family members haven't asked me if there is anything I would like, or need. They are very excited about the baby and are all going to rush over and visit as soon as she is born. I've bought almost everything I need myself, bar toys, in the hope that I'll get a few as presents, but I feel hurt that no one asked if there's anything useful they can get - however small. I imagine they will each bring a gift by the way (they better had!!).

I don't know exactly why I feel so hurt, but I do.

it sounds to me like you are craving to be looked after during a delicate time of your life. getting ready afor a baby is a strange time of having new responsibilities and also needing to be looked after. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised and have the odd pressie you didn't predict. if not don't worry, im sure the sentiment is there.

Some people on this thread have been really mean btw. You are not horrid for having expectations of gifts when you have your first child x

Good luck with it all
x

I can understand why this has led to you not feeling supported. Sounds to me like you actually aren't being spoilt about presents but rather this has led to you feeling unsupported.

However I think you need to stop asking your brother for the item it is you want to borrow that he hasn't lent you. It may be that he doesn't WANT to lend it to you either because it has sentimental value, because they are planning another child, or because he wants to sell it to make some money. But doesn't feel he can tell you because you keep asking and expect it. Some people just don't want to lend their stuff out and lots of people I know who lent stuff either didn't get it back or it was given back trashed.

And with regards the item you would like them to bring you from UK why don't you ask one of them to bring it when they come to visit and you will give them the money. If money is not the issue then this isn't a problem is it? They may well then decide (if they haven't bought something else) to give it as a gift.

Can't understand some of the hostility to this thread
YANBU to want some TLC - it's blindingly obv. from your post that you're feeling low. Becoming a mum can be a very scary time - good luck

Oh and if a relative of mine was expecting a baby but didn't know (or hadn't told me) what sex the baby was I'd be waiting to buy a gift until the baby arrived and I knew what sex I was buying for.

Hi again, yes it's not at all about the presents per se, actually when I think about it it's not even that I want a present at all. I just want them (only my close family - definitely wouldn't expect it from wider family or friends) to ask me the question!

Littlegreenie you have put the words into my mouth, it's basically about needing/wanting to feel looked after. I do feel low and very alone (unexpectedly single). Ordinarily I'm pretty self-sufficient. A few friends have said 'if there's anything you need just say the word' and that's exactly what I'm craving.

My dad - who I see much less of as it happens - did ask - he's the only one. I just suggested a few small items that he might like to choose from such as a cot toy, CD with nursery rhymes etc.

But it was the simple fact that he asked the question, not the answer, or even whether he follows it up, that mattered. :)

Yika no wonder you are feeling low if you find yourself single at a time like this.

Glad your dad is there for you, hope you find the support you need from your family and make every use of the wonderful offers you have had from friends, they will be waiting for your call.

Oh for goodness sake! Is the OP a joke?
Its your baby - you are responsible for meeting its needs! If you get some presents then great - but you can't just assume that other people will be buy you what your child needs. I have bought everything we need for our baby. I know we will get presents after the baby arrives but I didn't feel comfortable assuming that other people would buy things and therefore I didn't need to.
My own parents would have felt uncomfortable buying loads of stuff for the baby before it arrived safely. Many people think its bad luck or bad taste to give presents for babies before they are born safely.
I think the assumption that other people ought to buy you anything is pretty unappealing frankly.

IloveDD did you read the post from last night? I notice you use the phrase 'we' the OP is single - big difference when you are days or hours away from birth :(

Yika, it's a difficult time. IMO, GPs are usually fighting to be the ones to help out with new cots, pushchairs, highchairs etc.

However, because your parents live abroad, I imagine that they are somewhat constrained in what they feel they can offer to buy for the baby. After all, they can't easily take big items on an aeroplane. You may find that they want to make up when they come to visit, by buying baby clothes, toys etc, so don't overstock just yet.

I have my fingers crossed that you and baby will get lots of tlc from your family after the birth.

I have to admit i felt a bit hurt that my parents didnt want to buy a pram or cot for my dd when she was born ,but to be fair they were paying tens of thousands of pounds to see my brother through uni , infact they are still giving him money hand over fist to this day ,i thnk my brother borrowed the money for an engagement ring last week .When ds was born in december my mother offered to buy a playmat for him,this was very kind ,but the sentiment was rather lost when she told me how much she had paid for a breastpump for my cousin who she sees maybe once a year ,and its was alot more than the mat . Yes i know im being pathetic and i should never EXPECT anything from anyone ever ,but i still feel a bit hurt .

But if you´ve bought what you need, why would they offer?

Obviously choosing a small gift when baby is here is simple.

Also, can they afford it?

My parents were both retired & my husband on a good wage when I had mine-and although they wanted to buy the pram it seemed a bit wrong somehow.

Mum knitted a blanket which I still treasure, matinee coats & cardigans & they bought a high chair instead.

Mmm, I can see that really you'd just like to feel a little more supported, on your own in a strange country at a difficult time. How about telling your family that? Just explaining that it's a hard time for you, and that you'd appreciate their emotional support.

I agree that some people are a little cautious about buying presents until all is known to be well - after a friend's sad experience, I am myself.

Mumsnet at it's finest as usual, all so eager to jump in and slag off. The op is 3 days from her due date, feeling a bit neglected. So nice of you all to be so supportive . It is possible to tell someone they are BU without calling them a spoilt cow ffs